Saturday, 5 December 2009

A Poignant Evening

Hi All,

Just a quick note as Jack and I are on the way to spend the day Jen in a few minutes.

We had a poignant evening last night at palliative care with Jen. Although coming up to last Christmas she thought that it would be her last it seems that she might make it to this one now - perhaps. Jen's sisters, Caz and Liz, along with Jack, Jamie and I were with her last night to put up and decorated a small Christmas tree. Caz brought the tree and decorations and Jack did most of the work (he loves it).

Jenni has deteriorated more this week and needed periodic pain medication through the evening and her eyesight has deteriorated some more. However, she could make out the tree and she can identify us. Everything is like looking through a fog she told me last weekend. They wondered if it was some of the drugs and they tried to sort it out this week but it seems it's not the drugs. She hasn't been in her electric wheelchair this week and I wonder if she will again.

I'm still in the middle of reports this weekend and am very tired so not in the right frame of mind to write much more (will keep the anger and frustration for the kids reports??? No, better not!)

Reports are due Monday afternoon so after that I will have a clearer mind and will also post some more pictures, including from last night.

Am still reading your comments and prayers to Jenni. Thanks again everyone.

David.

38 comments:

  1. Hang in there, David. I'm sorry it's getting so hard, and I know it will get harder. Take it easy on yourself and try to find some time to go for a walk and decompress a little, won't you? I'm sure you need some time "off" if only for a short while. Love to Jenni....

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  2. Oh, David. Love to all of you. I know how intense this is. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. Love and prayers to all of you...David, I am hoping you can find some rest and peace for yourself. Hugs to you dearest Jenni.

    Sue in Spokane xo

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  4. just kisses and hugs to all of you. Hang in there David, I know it's a long and difficult road.

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  5. David, you must be part angel! God bless you for all you are doing. I can't believe you have any energy left for Jenni's blog family. Thank you... All my love to you, dear Jenni.

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  6. I know how much Jenni loves Christmas and all the decorating! I am so glad to hear she is getting to celebrate with you all one more time. Sending love and keeping you all in my heart.
    xoxo
    Meg

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  7. I know how much Jenni loves Christmas and the decorating and anticipation--so it brings me such joy that you are all getting to celebrate one more time! Sending love. You are all in my heart. xoxo Meg

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  8. Hi All,

    Jen told me last night that Brian, her pain specialist, confirmed to her that she has weeks, not months, left and one of the nurses there today told me that they are all bracing themselves there and was a little doubtful about Jen making Christmas but also added that, "Jenni has surprised us all before, so who knows".

    Jen has deteriorated quite a bit and we had a hard day today. I put my foot in it making decisions that were hers to make, thinking I was helping but I think we are all tired and bit raw and not really always thinking straight. Anyway, Jen forgave and and all good again, however she has definitely taken another step down from last week.

    Please keep her in your prayers, for her mental and emotional pain as much as for the physical pain. She is really struggling with it all.

    Thanks again.

    David.

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  9. Sweet girl, loving family,

    thinking of you and sending prayers, much love...

    Cindy in Canada

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  10. David

    I'm continuing to think positive and praying for you all. Give Jen a gentle hug from me and let her know that although she might not always be here, her beautiful and loving spirit will and I'm so thankful that I was able to be a small part of her life.

    Hugs to you all!
    Kat

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  11. Judi in Stratford On AvonSunday, December 06, 2009 2:28:00 am

    Dear David, the pressure you are under is immense, and I never fail to be amazed at how brilliantly you seem to able to keep all those plates spinning without allowing one to crash. I firmly believe in 'what comes around, goes around' and that at sometime in the future, someone will show you the incredible love and kindness, that you've not only shown to Jen, but to us, the readers, too. We owe you David - big time, and we are so very, very grateful. With my love and gentle hugs as always to Jen, Jack, and Jamie, and a huge bear hug to you. Judi

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  12. stay strong David...now we know the reason you & Jenni came together in the beginning...God knew that you would be strong for her when the need was great. You are a wonderful man and I pray you will be blessed with all you need.

    Jenni...we have not met on this earth, but I know we will meet one day...I have strong faith and I know you are a marvelous woman who loves dearly her family and life. I only wish you could have had many long years with your boys. You have touched my life and I will strive to love on my kids and grandbabies and the cheerleaders that I coach, in your honor~!


    I love you Jenn~!

    Sue in Spokane xoxooxxo

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  13. Dear David you are an angel for Jen. Hang in there and be strong. Dear sweet Jen - may peace be with you. You are so surrounded by love and angels. We love you so much and wish you love and peace.
    Deep in my thoughts and prayers
    Many many blessings from Canada
    Nicky from Canada

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  14. David - This must be such a difficult time for all of you, but you're doing so well. You're a blessing. Please give my love to Jenni. And to you and Jack. --Alesia

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  15. Dearest David—Thank you for all you are doing. Your compassion and caring are so inspiring. Sending prayers for you too.

    And Jenni—I love you. You have touched so many people and will continue to. May peace be with you now, dear friend. Love is all around you.
    Cat in Boston xoxo

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  16. Sending big love to everyone, especially you my dear Jenni. Be strong sister girl and I am wishing you great peace.xoxox Meg

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  17. Dear David,

    You don't know me, but I have followed Jen's blog for the past oh, maybe 18 months?

    I started reading here when coincidentally I stumbled over her amazing blog around the same time as my husband was diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes reading it scared me witless, other times it filled me with strength and hope....

    Jen is an inspiration to all... on how important life is, how you live that life, what to remember to say to those you love... I did comment on her blog a few times in the early days and then my own horrors took over with my husband needing operations and scans - we came to Melbourne (from NZ) to the Peter Mac clinic as well...

    Richard lost his fight a year ago tomorrow. He was only ill for the last two months for which I will always be grateful - you guys have had it so much tougher - and I bleed for you both, really I do. Jen has been soooo brave, and you are awesome. I understand how right now you will have people encouraging you to take time out away from the hospice etc for yourself - and I also understand how you will not want to. Do what you want, David. Listen to no-one else. There will be time later on for time-out. Every second does count.

    If you ever want to chat with someone who understands where you're at feel free to contact me green.fields at rocketmail dot com

    Kia Kaha, my friend (be strong)
    Love to you all,
    Samantha xoxo

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  18. Thanks for the update, David. What a special man you are. Your family are so blessed to have you. I hope you are doing ok in the midst of taking such great care of Jen and Jack and probably everyone else.

    Thinking of you all and sending love and peace.
    Heather

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  19. David,
    Do not worry about any of that...the part about sticking your foot in it. Emotions are so high right now, and a little drama is to be expected now and then. I'm sure you were doing what you thought in your heart was best. The dying process is so difficult on the loved ones...I just went through it with my step-father in september. It's heartbreaking and it's tiring. All my love, thoughts and prayers continue to be with all of you. David, thank you for taking the time to continue the updates. I'm starting to really fear looking...even though I do many times a day. I know one day we will receive the news from you...and it's so dreaded. I just can't thank you enough (ALL of us can't thank you enough) for showing us such respect as you do, knowing how important our Jenni is to us. Thank you. Continue to be strong. Through your unending devotion to Jenni, you now have a lot of new friends, that genuinely have love and respect for you.

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  20. Hi Jenni

    Be still and know that you are being taken care of. You are exactly where you are meant to be at this time. Those who care for you are holding you close spiritually with many prayers and blessings.

    Hugs and peace from Peggy x

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  21. Dear Jenni,David,Jamie and Jack
    Thinking of you always and sending many prayers
    Patti

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  22. I share with all the commenters, the exact same emotions -- I am praying right now for your strength to get through this, for Jack and Jamie to be be okay through all of this, and for our sweet Jenni to make it to at least one more Christmas with her sweet boys. Don't beat yourself up over putting your foot in your mouth or doing/saying the wrong things at this time -- it's to be expected, you're carrying an enormous load and you are doing so with such eloquence and we all here admire you for that (as I'm sure Jen must too)...Hang in there David, and know that ALL of our prayers and thoughts are with you in these days ahead.
    Hugs from South Florida,
    Lisa

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  23. David and Jenni...thinking of you both in these tough days, and sending lots of love to you.

    Jenni, you are so brave and your love for your family always shone through in ever single post that you wrote here.

    David, thank you so much for updating us here. I am so glad that you are there for Jen...don't be too hard on yourself about making mistakes. You are only human.

    Take good care,
    Tara-Lynn from Canada
    xoxo

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  24. David,

    So many of us here can see the grace and beauty with which you are all traveling this path. It may not be for a while yet before you know the magnitude of the mountain you have climbed and the distance you have gone. It is humbling to watch, but between your support, Jen's battle and the love of all those around her, you bring new hope to the idea of community and humanity. I ache at losing Jen, but her legacy through her family has made the world a better place, even if it will always have a void. Blessings and peace upon you all.

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  25. Dear Jenni and David,

    As always...I am thinking of you all. Sending you love, hugs, strength and peace.

    xoxo,
    annie

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  26. very very quietly we will sing a christmal carol thinking of you, all the time thinking beautiful promises for you all.

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  27. God bless you all. And, David, please tell Jenni how beautiful she is--in every way.

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  28. Dear Jenni:

    All over the globe, your friends are warmed by the pictures of you with those you love. The images have filled in a lot of blanks. You and your family are such a strong testimony to all of us. You all are teaching us valuable lessons about love, strength, compassion, and grace. You are a precious gift. Your life has made such a big impact on me.

    Much love,
    Catherine in South Carolina

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  29. You are a mensch. Love to Jenni, from Jena in Vermont. Love, love, love, love. Big love.

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  30. Sending my prayers and love to you all. I am so sad and lost for the right words to say. You are a blessing in Jenni's life David, love, Suzanne.

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  31. Thanks for posting the pics, David! Jack's gotten so big... glad to hear that he enjoyed decorating the tree. I must say, you and Jenni have raised quite a son - level-headed and lovely, even at 8! More than most boys can say even at double that age.
    Jenni, I'm so happy you're able to enjoy your family and the holidays together. I think of you every day and thank you for the inspiration over the years, not only on how to be a wonderful mom and how to look at life optimistically but how to be a fighter, too. Until we meet upstairs one day, I'll be sending you much love and light!
    Cate in California

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  32. Repost, not sure where the last one went...

    David, thanks for the pics! Jack has gotten so big and I love that he so enjoyed decorating the tree... and especially that Jenni got to share that with him and all of you/her family. Thank you for being such a decent person - not many exs I know would be so caring and selfless, you are a gem. There will be stumbles, sadly, but I think it comes with the territory as you were right, everyone's so exhausted and raw. Do what you feel right and you'll be just fine.

    Jenni, thinking good thoughts and prayers for you every single day. I look at the bird outside my window and think of how you'd see it's beauty... and how lovely a job you'd do describing it. Thank you for your perspective, your inspiration as a mother and artist... and also your tenacity! I'm really happy that you are able to enjoy the Christmastime joy and I'm hoping your pain is getting under control. Until one day when we meet upstairs for tea, I'll be sending you love and light across the miles.
    Best,
    Cate in California

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  33. whoops, there it is. Double the love is always good! ;-)
    xo, Cate

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  34. I don't think that I can say anymore than what has been said. I am continuing to pray for you and Jenni and all who are involved with supporting Jenni's family and friends through this most difficult of times. What a path to walk...you have and will continue to learn much from Jenni through this experience and even more about yourself after you have the time to 'debrief' from the last year or so. You are learning the greatest of lessons....to love much, to give sacrificially of yourself, your time and energies, to willingly participate in Jenni's life at this time out of your great love for Jack and ultimately her, to stick it out and to stick around when you may want to run away...you are doing the right thing. Jack will realize this more and more as he grows up...he will come to know just what you did to keep that bond between him and his mother when it mattered most, and the relief that you have provided Jenni, knowing that her precious Jack is going to be just fine.

    Blessings to you all,
    Ruthie in California

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  35. Sending love to you all and the strength to either hang on or let go for our dearest Jenni- We love ya sweetie.
    Caregiving is so hard too David- taking or not taking a little time for yourself---neither is wrong so please do what feels best for all . xoxo Dina

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  36. Jenni my arms are wrapped around you holding you in love...

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  37. I know how hard it is for you all! Be all blessed by the willpower, strenght and love Jenni has showed all along! My prayers are with you. Hugs to you Jen!xx

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  38. Treasure your time memories love and families.God bless and my heart goes out to you.

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