Thursday, 10 December 2009

Faith, Innocence and Grace

Hi All,

Again, this is just a quick post, it's been a long day and I am exhausted. I will fill you in more on the day's events when I get home to my computer. Jen's is slow and won't load pics from my usb memory stick.

While Jack and Jamie are around, Jen lives on. Observing them today, little bits of Jen were always present. But I need to just tell you a story.

I received the phone call from Jenni's brother just as Jack and I were leaving my parents to come down to see if Jen was up to saying goodbye to Jack. I had told Jack that we were going to visit because Mum wasn't well. Jen and I had chatted about it and decided that Lee and Caz should be there when we told Jack about Jen's imminent passing and why we were there. As it turned out we were too late but Jenni was in no condition to have Jack around her.

Caz and Lee met us in the foyer at palliative care and we all sat down (with Jen's nurse too) and told Jack that Mum had passes away. The single most difficult and heart rending moment of my life. However, it clearly wasn't fully understood by Jack and so we walked hand in hand down to see her. They had put her into bed and presented her beautifully and over the next few minutes it dawned on Jack, as he sat in my lap next to Jen, what had happened.

This where Faith, Innocence and Grace arrived in the room and I was humbled by my son and was so proud of him. There was much crying and hugging initially. Then Jack gently held her hand for a while. As he became more confident and we chatted about God, faith, where Mum is now, he gently hugged and kissed her. All this without prompting but with our assurances that it was ok to do it as he tentatively held her.

Then, without any prompting at all, my son gave me a lesson in faith. He got to his knees beside Jenni's bed, held her hand and lowered his head onto the bed beside his Mum and said a quiet prayer. I was so proud of him and humbled by his grace and innocence (and completely undone by his actions).

Afterwards we went for a walk, got a milkshake and went to chat to the family. We both had another opportunity to go back in and say our goodbyes (Jack with Lee and another good friend of Jen's, Mandy and I by myself).

Jamie also conducted himself with poise, dignity and sensitivity today but was at times lost. It will take time.

Tonight Jack, Jamie, his girlfriend, Makeo and myself went to another friend of Jen's, Kim and Andrew's for dinner. They have a boy Jack's age and they had a wonderful play together. Lee and her husband joined us and we had a lovely evening of reminiscing.

As we left the sunset was absolutely glorious and I mentioned to Kim that it could very well be Jen saying goodbye. We just stood and watched.

Thanks again for all your support and I will get back to people over the coming days and weeks as I am able to. Just a couple of comments. Kat, I did know that comment was coming! lol. And my answer is the same as for Jenni. I go about my faith quietly but He and I have a good relationship! I'm sure we will all meet again.

Others I will get to soon, but yes, Sammi, I visited your website and will be in contact in the coming weeks.

Finally for tonight, I will keep this blog going for Jenni and everyone for a while before I decide what to do. Whether I continue on here or move to a blog of my own. It depends on what feels most comfortable. But for now, here we stay.

Thank you all for wading through my "short" post!

And remember the lessons we learn from children.

And remember Jen.

Love,

David. x

52 comments:

  1. David - Oh it's all so unfair but there is no point in going on about that. It doesn't seem to make things any easier. Thankyou for telling us all the story of Jen's passing and for Jack's profundity. Kids get it far better than us it seems. Look after yourself darling, love from Cornwall UK xx

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  2. Jen is unforgettable!

    Cindy in Canada

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  3. I have been wondering how Jamie and Jack were doing, and how they took the news initially. Thank you for filling in the blanks. It's apparent God's grace is present and taking care of you all. You have a beautiful gift for writing, just as Jen did. I am so touched that you are taking the time to update. Do you know yet what the arrangements for her funeral will be? Can you please post it when you know? Thank you for everything. Your presence here means everything David. Without you, there would be a very quiet blog, with many people wondering what happened, with no way of ever knowing if Jen was still with us and just too sick to post, or if she passed away...we would have never known. But, thankfully you picked up where she left off, and filled in. Sending much love and gratitude.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss. You indeed have an amazing son. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  5. Thanks David, for such a beautiful post. From what I know about your son from my friendship with Jenni, I am not at all surprised by Jack's grace--his ability to be with God and Jenni at that moment. Jenni would be so thrilled--is so thrilled. You are in my heart and prayers.

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  6. Amazing.

    Amazing Grace of God's Love - of the love YOU & JENNI have for your sons. It shines right through!!!

    Be proud of the good work you & she put into those guys!

    Thank you so much for keeping us in the loop.

    Hugs Hugs!

    Nancy in Illinois

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  7. we are proud of you David...please post news of the service for Jenni so we can be holding her in our hearts...

    so much love to you and the dear boys..

    Sue in Spokane xoxoox

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  8. I'm so sorry for your loss, David. And I'm so moved by the loveliness of Jack's goodbye to his mum. Jenni would be happy to know she has such a strong and loving boy. You're all in my thoughts. Blessings. Alesia

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  9. Jen will always be alive in our hearts. And her readers and friends will take comfort and inspiration in the lesson from Jack! That boy's faith will continue to uplift me.

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  10. If Death is Kind

    Perhaps if death is kind, and there can be returning,
    We will come back to earth some fragrant night,
    And take these lanes to find the sea, and bending
    Breathe the same honeysuckle, low and white.

    We will come down at night to these resounding beaches
    And the long gentle thunder of the sea,
    Here for a single hour in the wide starlight
    We shall be happy, for the dead are free.

    ~Sara Teasdale

    I'm sorry for your loss and thankful that Jack has you.

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  11. David,

    Thank you so much for so beautifully continuing Jenni's story. By sharing her journey, Jenni taught me many lessons both pratical and not. I will be forever grateful.

    May you and Jenni's boys find strength in your relationship with God. His plans are not always our plans but His love is beyond what we can understand. Continue to stand in his grace and mercy and follow the example of your son....lay your head to rest in prayer.

    Jenni's journey here is complete and I believe that she rests fully restored in the arms of our Lord.

    Thank you again.

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  12. Dave, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to post to us during this busy and emotionally draining time. You do write well, as someone above said. We are all SO grateful for the details that you have shared. You make us feel like part of the family, and we love you for it.

    I have so many things to say, but don't want to take up a lot of space.

    I checked into paypal and if you -David- set up a paypal account, we can send money for Jack, as a memorial to Jen and for his education. I know that you probably wouldn't feel comfortable posting this yourself, so I'm requesting that you copy this paragraph and put it in the blog. The money would go, for example, from my bank account into your bank account that you specify when you set up your account. To those who are reading this, there is a small transfer fee; a little more when it's from a credit card than when it's from a bank account. I would like to do this for Jen, and I'm sure there are others who feel the same.

    Your story about Jack brought tears in my eyes for the beauty of it all. Jen would be/ is so proud of her son, and well she should be.

    Everyone is saying it, so I'm just repeating, but you have shown true love by sacrificing so much of your energy and self for others.

    It's only by faith in Jesus Christ that we have the hope of heaven and eternity as God designed; full of creativity, friends, joy, productivity, purpose (none of this golden harps stuff floating on mist, but rather a full active eternal life as God has always intended for us before sin came in). I love to think about Jen right this very minute exploring the beauty of heaven, the flowers, the people, and dancing and running with NO Pain! Yay!!! And I look forward to meeting you there someday too, David, and I know you will teach Jack about Jesus so that he can put his faith in him also.

    Well, my short post isn't so short either.

    Know that your names are being spoken to God daily, hourly.

    Love you!

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  13. Children are amazing teachers. They show us, through open arms and hearts the power of love. I am no stranger to loss and to grief. I am sending you love and light.
    xo
    debra from NE OH

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  14. David...As Nancy in Kansas requested, I would like to give to a memorial as well. Please consider setting up paypal for this purpose. Don't feel uncomfortable doing this...we asked for it. Thank you. xoxo

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  15. David, you are a good, good man, posting this during this time. Thank you for it. Hugs to all of you - and no, Jenni will not be forgotten.

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  16. I'm so sorry. Much love to your family.

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  17. Peace to all of you. And of course, I will think of Jen. The gift she has given us all is priceless. Blessings on you all,
    Suzanne in Canada

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  18. Thank you, David. You are a wonderful writer as was Jenni. You see what is true and beautiful. What an amazing boy you have. You and Jenni have been so honest, loving and open; Jack and Jaimie will doubtless grow to be wise and compassionate men. I'm sure Jenni felt Jack's every kiss and every embrace. I'm sure she's filled with peace now. Love to you, David, and to the boys, Jenni's family and friends.

    And thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing everything with us. It would have been awful not to know. My husband too had written to Jenni. Last night we spent some quiet moments and shared our sorrow at losing a dear sweet friend.

    xoxo Cat in Boston

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  19. Jenni will be sorely missed. I'm so sorry for yours, Jack and Jamie's loss. May God continue to wrap his arms around all of you, giving you the strength that you need to get through the times ahead. Thank you for keeping all of us out here aware, I so appreciate it. God Bless You, God Bless Jenni, Love from Anne in Virginia

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  20. It seems the innocence of children allows them the freedom of true expression. Bless. What a beautiful yet hugely emotional moment that must have been. I'm glad you have your faith, David. And I'm sure you were exactly right about the amazing sunset.... and that you'll recognise Jen in many more, as I do Richie every time I gaze on a rainbow. We had a Rememberance dinner for him last night here - our fabulous little community is pretty tight here in the country - and I said a prayer for Jen, too.

    Take care, and rest now.
    Sammi

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  21. Dear David, thank you.

    This is a moment of deep respect. Our lovely Jenni is now in peace and she passed away surrounded by love and peace, I believe it deeply.
    Jack is really a special boy. I think a lot about Jamie too, it's a different age, a different way of thinking and understanding life, he must be brave and he will.
    Jenni is inside us all. I imagine her now in a beautiful garden, she is really there. Separation doesn't exist. Love is there.

    Love to you all. I will come here in the next weeks to keep in touch. This is a very moving moment, just to say.
    Bete

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  22. Dear David,

    Words cannot express how sad I am for you and the boys. You and Jenni have done such an incredible job by pulling together and putting differences aside for the sake of Jack. Jennie made it clear that you gave her a sense of peace, knowing that you would do a wonderful job of raising Jack. Already there is beauty shining thru the tears. Your story of Jack praying next to Jenni reminded me of when we had to tell my sons that their dad had passed. My middle son was the same age as Jack at the time. He reacted the same way by excusing himself to the bathroom and praying at the sink. We could hear him thru the door. Instinctively, he knew where to go for strength and understanding. Children are truly, truly amazing.

    I hope that you and the boys will look for signs from Jenni because she will send them to you. I promise you this. Please acknowledge them when she does and she'll keep on sending them. Although not as frequent now, we still get signs from my first husband five years after his passing. Amazing Grace.

    God bless you all and God bless you, Jenni. You are free now and will be a most beautiful angel. xoxo

    ~ Wendy in New York

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  23. Jenni must be looking down and so proud of her boys. I pray for their continued healing. Lisa L.

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  24. That was a lovely post, David. I think it is incredible that you've shared the end of Jenni's journey with us.

    Love to you and the boys. I for one, would like to see you continue here, if you wish. It is, afterall, The Comfy Place.

    Love you, Jenni Girl, hope you are soaring.

    Danielle

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  25. Jack,
    I am very impressed by what Jack has done! He is such a pure boy. You share so much together! I hope Jamie will find his way too! We never recover from the death a loved one but God will help you all! Thank you again David for sharing Jenni's journey with us! She is an angel now! God bless you all!
    All my love and affection to you, Jack and Jamie!
    Dominique from France!

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  26. Thank you for sharing this, David. And I'm grateful that you're keeping the blog going for the moment. It's been really helpful to have a place to come and share with others who were touched by Jenni.

    Peace

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  27. Hello David - I've read Jen's blog over the last year faithfully but didn't comment often. God bless you all for being with Jenni on the long, tough journey. I will be watching and hoping that you do set up a paypal account to honor Jenni...to lift Jack and Jamie up. Also God bless you and Jenni's dear friend, the fabulous Lee. Every gal should have a former husband like you and a best buddy like Lee!

    Thinking of you during the coming days!

    Sheila from west Michigan

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  28. David,
    Thank you for keeping us, strangers yet friends, updated and informed in the most kind, gentle and compassionate way. I can't beleive how lucky your boy and Jen are to have you. Your sentiments and words here give me chills. Your boy is nothing short of amazing. My heart is with you all and I know I will never forget Jen and you, the men in her life! Her light is so bright, it will never stop shining, not even in death.
    Thank you and bless you all,
    Kathy

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  29. I have just checked in after a couple of days away and gotten the news about darling Jenni. I am so very sorry for you all.

    Her spirit shone through across so many miles via this blog, and I am sure it will continue to do so in many ways.

    Love, hugs and prayers to you all from Canada.

    xoxo
    Tara-Lynn

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  30. David, Jen would have been so proud of all of you.The innocence and love Jack showed his darling mother moves me to tears. Sending you prayers and love for the days ahead, Suzanne. XX

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  31. Dear David, thank you for taking the time to update us..... and Jack's story brought me to tears. I emailed you a few minutes ago as well.

    Warm thoughts, prayers, and love from yet another far-away friend,

    Jeanine

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  32. Dear David,

    A moving and truly lovely tale. Thank you.

    Very best wishes,
    Derek, Gloucestershire, England

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  33. Thank you again for sharing. Please accept my deepest condolences. I know that Jenni fought so hard to be with her boys...I am truly humbled.

    Catherine

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  34. I am so terribly sorry for your loss! It's tough to take but for faith. May God keep you all in the palm of his hand. Kerrie

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  35. And a little child shall lead them...

    David, that is so touching, Jack's faith and innocence. As I was reading the post to my husband, it really hit me, and I couldn't go on. What a sweet, blessing of a boy that Jack-boy. He's so precious.

    And Nancy is KS has a great idea--I'd love to contribute to a fund for Jack. Just say the word, David. You do with it however you see a need for Jack, Jamie, or whatever. It's the least we can do for all the inspiration you and Jen have given us, her blog family.

    Hugs and Smootches to the family
    Kat

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  36. David, my heart is full. It is filled with gratitude for Jen reaching out and touching all of our hearts, it is full of compassion for your loss and the loss for the boys of their mother.

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We all feel so much love for each of you because Jen showed us how to love.

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  37. I am so sorry for your loss.
    Jen, youself and the boys are in the hearts of many more people than you'll ever know.

    May you find some peace in the days ahead.
    Liesl in Nova Scotia

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  38. I knew, and yet I never believed it would actually happen, that the page would load and tell this news. I am so sorry for your loss, but am confident that Jen will echo evermore. Wishing oyu all peace. And, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your generosity in sharing Jen and carrying on when she no longer could.

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  39. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Thank you so much for keeping us posted.

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  40. David,

    Wow, that is some great boy you've got there. I remember when my father died and my then eight-year-old boy and I went to the mortuary to view the body. After we left, my son cried very hard. I was a little surprised by this since we live a couple thousand miles from where my father lived, and so he only saw him once a year or so. In addition, my father had suffered from dementia for most of my son's then young life and wasn't very interactive. I thought maybe my boy was traumatized by seeing a corpse so when we left the visitation room, I took him to an adjacent room so we could talk. I asked him if he was frightened by seeing Pop-pop dead and he replied: "No, I'm just so sad that I won't see him again....until I get to heaven." At that point I lost it. And I knew that my son had just given me a present the value of which he wouldn't be able to understand for a long, long time. God surely blesses us with the wisdom and caring of children.

    God bless you, Jack, and Jamie.

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  41. Jen, I'll see you in heaven someday. Watch over us angel! Loving you always,
    Rose (Classi Charm)

    Dave and family - my deepest condolences, please remember all of the wonder Jen brought to this world and to so many lives....

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  42. My deepest deepest condolences. I am so sad, reading this late night. I can't even begin to describe how I feel at what a loss it is to lose a mom. I hope your sons always feel her love and presence around them, as she is always there. My mom passed away five years ago and just the other day she was in my dream so vividly, it made me happy. We will definitely all see our loved ones again. I am praying for you, and thinking of you guys. Sending hugs, love, and well wishes across the miles. Thank you Jen for your courage for your insight, and for letting us all be a part of your brave, gracious and often humor-filled journey. I think your humor was always what amazed me. I know you were very proud of your sons, as I am sure they are of you.
    I am sad today and will continue to keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. I never met you, just happened to come across this blog by coincidence and stayed. And I will cherish that coincidence. My best regards, from USA

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  43. Thinking of you and the boys tonight. I still find it hard to believe that Jenni is gone. What a comfort though to know she is no longer in pain. I will continue to pray for you all.

    Hugs!
    Kat

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  44. From the heart of a child comes the sweetest life lessons of all. Life, love and death. They are all each of our lots in life.

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  46. Hi David,

    I've been reading again the last posts... it's something I have to do because of this moment.

    Another thing I want to say is that my mother felt Jenni's death in a very deep way. She is not an internet or computer person but Jenni entered our home and lives in a very vivid way- my mother frequently asked about her and prayed for her too. Jenni's situation was very felt here at our home, my mom words, to say. She wants to send you a hug as also to Jack and Jamie and she knows that Divine grace embraces you all.
    Love to you dear.
    Bete

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  47. I am so sorry for you loss, she was an amazing woman - the boys will always have her with them.
    God bless you all - what a special angel she is
    love Nicky from Canada

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  48. I hopped over from Beverly's site and read this post, thinking you were writing about my mother.
    I experienced almost exactly the same details, as you described. I remember surrounding her bed while she lay there, and had already passed away. Her body was so warm, and she looked so peaceful...I stayed with her as long as I could and you described that so beautifully, with your words, Faith Innocence and Grace...That's exactly what I experienced.
    And oh, yes, the sunset!!! For us it was amazing...that same day..I took photos and they were part of our powerpoint.
    Thank-you for reawaking my spirit today.
    I love how you described the details.

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  49. I am sorry for your loss and hope that you and your son find peace in knowing she is in heaven.

    I never met Jen but was touched by her blog and have been reading for quite some time.

    As I read your post and of the courage your son displayed it brought tears to my eyes...and we have never met. It is the human spirit that binds us all.

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  50. I am so very sorry for your loss. Jenni's story is one of great love for her son. God bless you all.

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  51. We were away on a family vacation, and so I did not know.

    I stopped by to "check up" and am now sitting here crying.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

    May Jenni's memory be a blessing.

    With love,
    RivkA

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