Again, this is just a quick post, it's been a long day and I am exhausted. I will fill you in more on the day's events when I get home to my computer. Jen's is slow and won't load pics from my usb memory stick.
While Jack and Jamie are around, Jen lives on. Observing them today, little bits of Jen were always present. But I need to just tell you a story.
I received the phone call from Jenni's brother just as Jack and I were leaving my parents to come down to see if Jen was up to saying goodbye to Jack. I had told Jack that we were going to visit because Mum wasn't well. Jen and I had chatted about it and decided that Lee and Caz should be there when we told Jack about Jen's imminent passing and why we were there. As it turned out we were too late but Jenni was in no condition to have Jack around her.
Caz and Lee met us in the foyer at palliative care and we all sat down (with Jen's nurse too) and told Jack that Mum had passes away. The single most difficult and heart rending moment of my life. However, it clearly wasn't fully understood by Jack and so we walked hand in hand down to see her. They had put her into bed and presented her beautifully and over the next few minutes it dawned on Jack, as he sat in my lap next to Jen, what had happened.
This where Faith, Innocence and Grace arrived in the room and I was humbled by my son and was so proud of him. There was much crying and hugging initially. Then Jack gently held her hand for a while. As he became more confident and we chatted about God, faith, where Mum is now, he gently hugged and kissed her. All this without prompting but with our assurances that it was ok to do it as he tentatively held her.
Then, without any prompting at all, my son gave me a lesson in faith. He got to his knees beside Jenni's bed, held her hand and lowered his head onto the bed beside his Mum and said a quiet prayer. I was so proud of him and humbled by his grace and innocence (and completely undone by his actions).
Afterwards we went for a walk, got a milkshake and went to chat to the family. We both had another opportunity to go back in and say our goodbyes (Jack with Lee and another good friend of Jen's, Mandy and I by myself).
Jamie also conducted himself with poise, dignity and sensitivity today but was at times lost. It will take time.
Tonight Jack, Jamie, his girlfriend, Makeo and myself went to another friend of Jen's, Kim and Andrew's for dinner. They have a boy Jack's age and they had a wonderful play together. Lee and her husband joined us and we had a lovely evening of reminiscing.
As we left the sunset was absolutely glorious and I mentioned to Kim that it could very well be Jen saying goodbye. We just stood and watched.
Thanks again for all your support and I will get back to people over the coming days and weeks as I am able to. Just a couple of comments. Kat, I did know that comment was coming! lol. And my answer is the same as for Jenni. I go about my faith quietly but He and I have a good relationship! I'm sure we will all meet again.
Others I will get to soon, but yes, Sammi, I visited your website and will be in contact in the coming weeks.
Finally for tonight, I will keep this blog going for Jenni and everyone for a while before I decide what to do. Whether I continue on here or move to a blog of my own. It depends on what feels most comfortable. But for now, here we stay.
Thank you all for wading through my "short" post!
And remember the lessons we learn from children.
And remember Jen.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Posted by Jen Ballantyne at 12:17 am