Monday, 21 December 2009

Busy times

Hi All,

This is just a very quick note (maybe). I'm sorry I haven't yet been able to answer all the emails I have received from you. With Jenni's funeral, finishing school (for both Jack and I), Christmas preparations and now this week heading down to Jenni's to start packing Jack's things to bring back here, I just haven't had the time or energy to catch up with you all. To be honest, I can only do it sometimes too as there are times when I have the time and sit down to write and I just can't find the energy or words or ..... dunno. I thought that once Jenni had gone I would have time to get everything sorted out here. My house, her house, time for Jack, time for me, time for Christmas, time for friends. But I seem busier than ever and still feel like nothing is getting done.

Jack seems to be well adjusted and is coping really well so far but I keep watching and waiting for him to "fall apart". Today he walked into the lounge room (where I was) from the kitchen with a smile on his face. I asked him what was amusing and he replied something like, "I was just remembering some fun stuff with Mum". I asked him what it was and he told me about the "tickle wrestles" he and Mum used to have "before I hated being tickled"! I just let him talk about it while he sat on my knee and he was fine. And that's part of the problem for me. Jenni is his Mum and he seems fine. I'm still not sure exactly how I feel. I don't feel as if I have had the opportunity to grieve properly and I don't really seem to know what that means either. I have had a few texts with some of Jenni's family and they are all ok, struggling with it but ok. Christmas is at one of Jenni's sister's place this year and Jack and I will go there for part of the day before coming back to my family and hopefully that will help me to work through it some more.

Anyway, I'm not sure how often I will get here until after Christmas now. Jack and I will be back and forth to Jenni's place over the coming week or two so I will be a little busy. I think Santa will be coming to Jenni's house this year so that Jamie can be there with Jack and I and share in Jack's excitement. I will ask Jen's sister, Caz and Jen's friend Lee if they want to come around also. Caz has no kids yet and Lee's are grown up so I'm hoping that they will be able to. If not, we'll see them later in the day anyway.

Ok, time for bed here. Take care and thank you for all your constant support.

Love,

David.

26 comments:

  1. hi David~! as always...thank you :) for thinking us out here waiting on word from you and "our" Jack-boy..it sounds as tho all is going along as it should...whatever that means...grieving is so personal and different for each of us...you are there for Jack and that is what is important right now and what Jenni would want.

    have a most lovely Christmas and check in when you feel up to it...til then as always..you and the boys are tucked in my heart and prayers and I send love from across the world~!

    Sue in Spokane xoxxo

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  2. David, thank you for updating us - we know how busy you must be right now, and please don't feel bad about not updating frequently. You have a lot on your plate right now. I believe the grief will come for you and for Jack - it can be different every day, even from hour to hour. Just be there for him as you already are and let him feel whatever he feels.

    As for you, if you feel counseling might be beneficial, go for it - sometimes it can help. My husband and I suffered a major loss and he needed some counseling to help him work through his feelings. Well, so did I, but I was able to cry anywhere and everywhere!

    Merry Christmas to you, Jamie and Jack.

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  3. David - You have been wonderful writing and updating us all. I sense that you feel a responsibility to us, but I don't feel that way at all. It was such a blessing finding this blog and sharing a very very small part of Jenni's life. I just like to know that people like Jenni, you and all the others that write on here are part of the world. You know what I mean?

    Merry Christmas to you and Jack and Jamie.

    (I will check back periodically but I am not expecting you to blog, you have done so much and need to grieve.)

    much love, Susan

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  4. Thanks for the update David - I hope that you and all have a great Christmas (as different and hard as it will be on everyone) and that the season helps you to look back on good memories. Jen is no longer suffering and has left the boys with her grace and love. Hopefully it will help you with feelings, grieving and looking forward to what will be next.
    Many blessings during the season
    Nicky from Canada

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  5. Merry Christmas David. I hope you and Jack and Jamie (and all of Jenni's family and friends) have a wonderful holiday season. I know this is a stressful busy time for all of us, but it must be doubly so for you this year, so we will all understand if you're not around much. But...I do hope you'll continue to blog once things settle down.

    Hugs!
    Kat

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  6. Hi All,

    Susan, yes I do feel a responsibility to blog on here to update you all about Jack and Jamie. But I have also found it has helped me work through all this and have been very appreciative of the support I have received from you all. I also feel I have made some friends on here, so despite the sense of responsibility it is no chore. Sometimes I sit here and the words are hard to find but at others it is very cathartic and they flow easily.

    Take care.

    David.

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  7. You know, David, I have been married twice, and my first husband may leave this earth before I do. Even though it's been 23 years since the divorce, I still wonder how I will react if he goes first. I don't know if this is what you are referring to in your post, but if it is, I think I know what you are talking about.

    He is the father of my children. I tried very hard to make it work. I loved him a long time before I couldn't live that way anymore. I found a new love and so did he. So if he goes first, what will come up to the surface to grieve? Maybe I've dealt with it all, and maybe it will be difficult.

    I just don't know.

    You have a good way of describing what you are going through and showing people see your soul.

    Take your time with everything. Most things can wait a little. For those that can't, God will provide strength day by day, even though it doesn't seem like it sometimes. He sure has taken good care of me.

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  8. thanks for keeping in touch, David. Wishing you healing times.

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  9. You all sound like you are doing well. Jack may still be in shock. I lost my mom young and didn't grieve until I had another loss 6 years later. It's OK. Let him do it in his own time. You are such a great dad to be looking out for him in this way, but he will handle it the way he needs to. Best wishes for the holiday. Try to get some rest too!

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  10. Thanks for the updates, David. It is great to hear that Jack is remembering Jenni with fondness and not too much (as of yet) about her last days.

    Love to you all, and I hope you have a good Christmas, surrounded by family.

    Danielle

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  11. Hi David

    Just wanted to wish you (and Jack and Jamie and the rest of Jen's family) the happiest Christmas you can have under the circumstance. It will be bittersweet and hard, I'm sure, but I'm also sure there will be lots of love and hugs to get you through. Look after yourself and I hope you get to take some time out for yourself (and your grief). I'm so glad this blog has brought you support and we'll all be here if you need your bloggy friends, but if you need to let go of this blog, that's ok with too.

    love and best wishes
    Heather in Brisbane

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  12. Sorry please excuse hopeless typos in above message. I meant to say "that's ok with us too".

    Heather

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  13. David-- It's going to take time. Don't put any expectations on yourself or Jack. Whatever you feel at the moment is, I think, exactly what you're supposed to feel. It's a big thing to get your head around, losing Jenni, for both you and Jack. Try to just be. -Alesia

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  14. Hi David,

    You have so much to do right now that you can't be expected to keep us all up to date regularly as well. I think I can speak for all of us when I say "We understand!"

    Jack's grieving will likely take many forms and a many months or years. He lost his mom, and while he might have logically been expecting that, the emotions will come in some way over time. You sound like you're giving him the space to grieve in the way he needs to and what more can you do, really? I have no doubt he's going to be okay with the support he has around him. It's just going to take time and love, and he has plenty of both.

    Continuing to send you, Jack and Jaime good vibes and support,
    Amanda

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  15. I think you are doing a great job - just be in the moment and feel how you feel. I'm so happy that you are keeping Jack with Jamie and his family too. Jen will be shining down upon you on Christmas day. Hugs Lisa L.

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  16. Thank you David for the update! Blessings to you and Jack!

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  17. Hi David, Remember to step back and take a deep breath and just BE in the moment. These coming months will no doubt bring about many ups and downs. Especially with Christmas and the new year coming. We are here to lend our support and prayers, with no expectations in return. We are all blessed to have "known" Jenni here and to have learned the life lessons she taught us. Even if we never heard from you here again (hopefully that won't be the case though!!!) we'd all continue to send out our support and prayers for you and the boys.
    Lisa in south Florida

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  18. There is no protocol for grief. You have a right to grieve and you should let it out and not fester. I find that writing helps me a lot. I write things in my journal for no one else to read and it's candid and helps a lot. Try that. I know you are overwhelmed, but I know together, with support, you will be A-OK. Take a deep breath to realize that you've all been through a lot. Just have people around you for support. Don't do it alone. Ask for help when you need it. Nothing wrong with that. And know that you are not striving for perfection, but for love, compassion, and fun times. You can do this.

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  19. Dear David—There are so many feelings, I'm sure. Be kind and good to yourself. You are kind and strong and present to your wondrous son, and Jaimie too. And you are kind to keep us posted. We think of you and the boys and send love and good wishes for Christmas and always. Jenni is at peace now and her loving spirit is with us all. Many thoughts and understandings will come in time. You are doing a beautiful job of being with everything. With love and good wishes for this coming year—Cat B

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  20. Hi David,

    I am thinking of you all this Christmas...sending you love at this difficult time. I am glad to read that Jack is coping well...and I hope you take care of yourself David! It must be awfully hard on you juggling so many different things. I think you are a wonderful Dad.

    xoxo,

    annie

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  21. Dear David -

    I've followed Jenni's blog for a long time and don't post very often. I just must say that you are a fine man, doing a fine job, learning as you go into situation no young father should ever have to deal with. You wouldn't be human without feeling those high, those lows, the "I dunno" feelings. From everything I've read...Jack is going to be just fine...and so are you!

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  22. Don't worry about us. Take some time for yourself and Jack. Take a deep breath and relax. God be with you...

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  23. Hi David...thanks for the recent update. I know exactly what you mean about sometimes words are hard to come by. That's why I would never have a blog...because I would have writers block everytime I would sit down to post something! You are doing a great job. Actually, it's better than great.

    You really don't know how empty it would feel if you hadn't taken over and let us know all the details you shared with us after Jenni's death. If the day comes where the words won't come, it's understandable...but for now, just know every last word is appreciated.

    I hope you, Jack and Jamie have a wonderful Christmas...and I hope you can find some peace in putting together your feelings of grief. I know it must be hard, since you were no longer together...but David, you still had a role in her life...you are Jack's father, and you were still very close to Jen. So, give yourself permission to feel every bit of pain that you are feeling. You just lost someone very close to you.

    Wishing you a beautiful holiday.
    with love...
    vicki

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  24. Dear David,

    I'm here to wish you, Jack and Jamie a warm and peaceful Christmas together with both families, jenni's and yours. It's time to be together with love and joy. Jenni is always in my mind and heart and she will always be cause she is one of a kind.

    Thnks for keeping us in touch. Hope you have good holidays to relax and play with Jack.

    Love,
    Bete

    this is a simple gift:

    http://www.jacquielawson.com/preview.asp?cont=1&hdn=0&pv=3150426

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  25. Dear David, Jack and Jamie

    You are incredibly brave, strong men. This Christmas will be hard, but enjoy it.

    Hugs.

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  26. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

    Hope y'all are doing okay and getting to spend some time with family. Relax and enjoy the moments!

    God Bless you all!!!

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