Yep...I have now officially done two weeks in my new role as full time cancer patient/weekend shift mother, harsh but that's how it feels! This second week was really tough. I struggled with how quickly the weekend time with Jack went, armed with this knowledge I am struggling on a new level of trying to accept that I only get a certain amount of time with my son! I find this really hard to accept, tonight as I write this, it is ridiculously late but I can't sleep, pain both emotional and physical, the time I have had with Jack has been interrupted by my pain and it frustrates the hell out of me when I know I only have two days with him. Every time I have to leave his side to inject myself and ride out the pain is just torture. It stopped me reading to him as long as I would have liked, it stopped me laying with him to cuddle him and get him to sleep, it interrupted a movie we were trying to watch together snuggled up on the couch - it's just so, so difficult. I feel I have hardly seen him and he really needed to be with me this weekend. He had a big cry on my lap, it started over something tiny but it showed how emotionally raw he is and he is exhausted too. I just held him and kept saying 'let it out sweetheart,' over and over again. He voiced his anger at being away from me for longer than he is with me and my heart bled for him but I cannot reassure him except to say that holidays are coming up and that I will come up and stay for a few days. That did help actually but I think he is going to need me to come up and visit sooner rather than later as he is missing me terribly. David says he was fine throughout the week, happy after school and happy in the mornings but it was as if he had been holding it together until he got to me and he could then let it go. Anyway I really shouldn't be trying to do this post because I am exhausted, it is now 2am and I am full of ketamine so my brain feels fuzzy round the edges, please excuse me if I seem a bit strange but the medication does affect me quite a bit. I am just so frustrated that the pain takes up so much of my time and energy.