Saturday, 21 March 2009

Back With A Vengeance...

Yep...the pain that disappeared for almost two entire weeks has reared it's ugly head again and today it really dug the boots in. Previously, when I would get the pain, I could go to the sofa and lay down on my side and the pain would stop. As long as I stayed laying on the sofa, no more pain. I could get up...for about two to three minutes before I would have to run back to the sofa in agony and in panic that it would get worse if I didn't sit down. At least though, it would stop once laying down. This morning...it didn't stop when I lay down! It kept right on hurting just as much as it could. I took every medicine I was allowed to take and even a bit extra when that didn't work. Eventually the pain stopped. It took 6 hours to stop. This pain was the kind that has you moaning and writhing in agony. I couldn't even get my own heat pillow or medicine, I had to yell for Jamie.

Update: The piece above was typed before the weekend and it is now after the weekend, it is Monday morning:

So the pain has continued the entire weekend, I could only get of the sofa for a few hours in the afternoon on Saturday and barely at all on Sunday. Jack has been neglected terribly these past couple of days, I just haven't had the help I've needed so he has eaten takeout every night since Friday night, he's had barely any fruit for two days at least, same with vegetables and he woke up this morning in such a grump I can tell it's because he's run down and not being looked after properly. His father has been playing cricket for the past six months and the past few weeks he has played both days of the weekend but that is over now, thank goodness, because I need his help on weekends, either to take Jack up with him or come here and look after him. Anyway, I don't know what's happened but the pain has just got continually worse in the way that it is staying with me longer and longer, it's back to the stage where I can barely leave the sofa because the pain gets so bad. I have to get something done about this, it's just no way to live, in fact, I don't really have a life, I am stuck at home almost all the time and I can't do anything more taxing than a bit of time on the computer and that is getting increasingly difficult thanks to the pain. I just feel like I'm taking up air space. I am no good to anyone and am a lot of trouble actually. Jamie has been running the home and whilst it's a great help, it's not enough. I don't know what's going on with Mum but she's dropping the bundle a lot lately. I am trying not to get cross with her but I can't help it sometimes because of the way she goes about things.

Anyway, I will stop whining and just try to hang in there until my chemo is completed. The doctors seem to think that my tumors will shrink and therefore get off the nerves, so I have decided to aim for that at the moment as any kind of nerve block comes with a very high risk of me becoming paralyzed. Okay, thanks my friends for letting me vent, take care.

42 comments:

  1. you are not taking up air space. not at all.
    you're a mum. and you are strong.

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  2. Dear sweet Jen,

    So sorry you are struggling with such pain again!
    Have you heard the saying, "the best medicine is said to be, a cup of tea and sympathy"? I wish that were true, but I can't even get you some tea! As for the sympathy, you have all of mine and my continued prayers too...

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  3. I'm so sad - so sorry Jen. I was praying that you were still feeling good. Shame on all of those around you that are not helping you out -- can't their lives wait? You need them now. It is disgusting. I can never imagine not being there 24/7 for a family member. Hugs - sweet Jen - hugs!

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  4. I've come to hear this, I suppose and take a bit off of you, if it helps. Hand it over.

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  5. Oh, Jen. I'm so sorry to hear this. I honestly wish I lived nearby so that I could help you out a bit. Shallow words, I know, from the safety of a computer screen - but true.
    Such pain is a dreadful, all-consuming thing and I think you're amazing and brave even being able to look after Jack at all and get up to post updates on your blog. I hope you can find just the right combination of pain mediction, and that the chemo shrinks the damn tumour and you get some long-lasting relief soon.

    XXXX

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  6. Dear Jen
    I hope it is resolved soon - you don't need that. Hope the chemo is soon and does what it needs to do. Lots of prayers to you and your boys!!
    Nicky from Canada

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  7. I a so sorry that you are in such pain Jen. Hoping there is some relief for you soon. Sending much love to you and your lovely boys, Suzanne:)

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  8. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you...that the chemo IS shrinking those darn tumors, that you WILL be pain free very soon, and that you CAN live your life again. You ARE deserving of these things, just hang in there while God does His work on you sweetie and believe it WILL BE.
    Sending you great big hugs Jen,

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  9. Jen,
    Praying for Jesus to take your burdens and your pain! I'm sad to hear you're having to suffer emotionally and physically. Help will come soon in the absence of pain and a lighter load for you, sweet girl. Don't give up hope. ASK for it from the One who can give it to you without any strings attached....God.
    Love You! Hug and a Smootch!

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  10. Continuing to pray for you and your family, Jen. I am so sorry that the pain is so bad. I'm at a bit of a loss for anything helpful to say, but wanted you to know that there's one more still praying.

    Much love
    xoxo

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  11. It is too much for you to do everything right now and you mum is probably finding it hard too.
    I told you I can fix the shopping/food situation and now you are going to be a good girl and let me. See you very soon.
    love
    K xoxo

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  12. Oh Jen, I've come late and by now you've probably sorted it out but: time to call in the troops. That much pain prevents solution-finding. Get others, everyone, into your house to help! Call the pain specialist? Sorry to hear you've been hit again. Don't go through this alone.{{{hugs!!!}}}

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  13. continuing to send you healing thoughts and energy
    xo
    d

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  14. jen, praying for you to be relieved of your pain. wish I could do more.

    Susie

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  15. Oh, dear, dear Jen, I really do wish there was a way to cross the miles and be there to help in some way. Praying for relief from that pain for you. Bless you and your boys

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  16. Sweet Jen...I am sorry to hear this...try not to worry about your boy, and fruits and vegetables (I know...easy for me to say)....you are being the best kind of Mum that you can be while going through this.

    Sending lots of love and hugs to you.

    xoxo

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  17. Praying for more pain free and happy days in your future where you can dote on your beautiful sons.
    Ruthie from California

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  18. Jen, I hope and pray that you have been granted some relief from the pain that returned last week. I hope and pray that David has been able to help more and that Jack is feeling your love even when you can't get up and do more for him on a daily basis.

    You remain in the thoughts and prayers of many.
    Peace and rest and relief be yours.

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  19. Bless your sweet heart! I'll begin praying right now for the pain to STOP!

    Hugging you from afar!
    Kat

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  20. Hey my friend. My heart just hurts to hear that you've been suffering. When I couldn't get off the couch and my kids were eating Pop Tarts, I used to tell myself that Frank McCourt ate nothing but bread and water as a child and grew up to write a Pulitzer Prize winning novel :) I hope your pain goes away soon, Jenni. Love and peace to you.

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  21. Dearest Jen,
    I hate the idea of you being in pain but you know what I hate more? The idea of you agonising over fruit and veggies! Jack will be as right as rain if he only has weetabix for weeks. It takes a long, long time to develop rickets and scurvy - especailly if your diet has been wholesome and nourishing. Please don't give yourself such a hard time. Keep trucking honey. We love you xxxx

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  22. Thinking of you, always grateful to be able to lend an ear. Stay strong, beautiful warrior.

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  23. Dear Jen
    In my thoughts and hope that you are doing better.
    Love & blessings
    Nicky from Canada

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  24. Hi Jen, checking in again and wanting you to know you're thought about and prayed for each and every day. I am wishing for you today a pain-free day and lots of energy. Continue to be strong, Jen.

    Sending you a great big hug all the way from south Florida {{{{{}}}}}

    Lisa

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  25. Jen,
    I hope you are doing well. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you battle this cancer.
    Hugs & Prayers,
    Dodie

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  26. Oh sweetie, so sorry to hear you are in pain. I will be praying that you will get some relief really soon. Hang in there!
    Hugs,
    Rose

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  27. It is eleven days since you posted this. I hope you have found some relief and that your mother has reemerged.

    Prayers and comfort from Colorado.
    Emily.

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  28. Still here, Jenn. I pray that you are having a good streak again and are enjoying yourself immensely. We are continuing to pray for you.
    Ruthie from California

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  29. continuing to pray for you jen, and hoping we hear from you soon.
    much love.

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  30. sending you love and butterfly kisses across the ocean. Always in my mind..and heart...
    heart to heart beautiful brave woman, always xx

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  31. Hey Cutie. I dont' know how I missed this earlier but I sincerely hope you are doing better now.

    Is there anything you need (WANT) from the States?

    Sending good thoughts.

    Love,
    D

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  32. Jen, I'm worried about you hon.
    You haven't posted for so long.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Love,
    Dodie

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  33. Hi Jen - thinking about you! I have a colonoscopy/gastroscopy to go for in 2 weeks. I'm terrified. I'm going to try and be brave - don't know how you manage to be so brave hun! Hugs

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  34. Hi Jen,
    Sorry to hear the honeymoon from the pain was a brief one - hope you've figured out a new approach to manage it.
    Post soon... everyone misses you!
    Best thoughts and prayers coming your way...
    Cate in California

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  35. ok ms jen....are you ok. you really have me worried. i hope all is well and you're just enjoying yourself and boys right now. positive thoughts and big hugs coming your way.
    love,
    laura -

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  36. Hi Jen, I keep coming back here, checking in on you and hoping for a new post so I can know you're okay. I am praying your pain has been under to control and you're enjoying life again with your precious sons. Sending you a great big hug from south Florida! {{{{{JEN}}}}}

    Love,
    Lisa

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  37. I'm still thinking about you and praying that you are finding relief and that you will soon return to the blog with another story of feeling good and strong and pain-free again. Know that you have not been forgotten. Not at all.

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  38. just checking in for an update...Once a certain amount of time passes and we haven't heard from you I start to get uneasy and nervous. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and praying you have found relief.

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  39. Haven't heard from you for so long Dear Jen - just worried about you - in my thoughts and prayers.
    Extra hugs your way
    Nicky from Canada

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  40. Jen we are all really worried about you and praying for you. Just post a quick hello and let us know how you are doing!

    Samantha from Arkansas

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  41. I see so many people - all saying what I'm thinking too. Worried about you, hoping you are doing OK, but not wanting to put pressure on you. I want you to know you will continue to be in my prayers. Blessings to you

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  42. Hi Jen - Hope you are ok. Thinking of you. Love, Susie in New England

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