Sunday, 18 January 2009

Walking On Air...

Hi guys, everything is going okay with me. I had my third round of chemotherapy and Avastin last week, all went well. I tell you what, it truly helps so very much to get through the toughness of it when realizing that it is working. The only thing that has been getting me down a bit is the pain, that has been running hot for the past two weeks. I was dealing with it okay as it was starting first thing in the morning and hurting until around lunchtime and that was it, all over for the day and I could catch up on what I'd got behind on. Then, two days before chemo was due, the pain skyrocketed through the roof but stayed with me all day long! It was so bad I couldn't get to chemo at all, two days later I staggered in there figuring that it was no worse being in agony in the chemo ward than at home. I had to ask Mum to come and drive me as I was on enough Ketamine to slow a horse, meanwhile my sister came and got Jack. I made it through and got my chemo and Avastin but the pain didn't let up until the following evening, since then, however, I've been okay, so I am just relieved and happy again.

I have barely heard from David. He phoned sent me a text message about 10 days ago wanting Jack to go up and stay at Warragul, Jack had no intention of doing that but wanted Dave to come down here to visit with him so he came here a few days later. Unfortunately, he arrived on one of the mornings when I was in agony, I pretty much spent the entire morning sobbing on my bed, in between, heating heat packs, getting medications and some more sobbing. The phone rang and it was chemo, I managed to pick it up which was a good thing as they could here the amount of pain I was in and I was crying. I was due there but in just far too much pain to get there and in no fit state to drive myself. Dave had offered to drive me in but not so much as offered to heat one of my heat packs, or pick up and put away a dish, or bring me my medicine. I could barely walk because the nerves that touch on my lower spine now shoot completely down my leg and stop me walking. Till I mentioned something about phoning Mum and getting her around to help me, well then, he couldn't stop heating up heat pillows, asking me whether I needed anything, cleaning and putting on washing, exactly like he'd been when he'd stayed with us, putting out heavy rubbish, picking up dog business, boys stuff ya know? Anyway, I didn't end up needing Mum, just mentioning her name was good enough, lol!!! I shouldn't laugh because honestly it's really not that funny is it that it'd take mentioning Mum in, to get a little help from him, still you've got to see the funny side to things. The pain stopped by mid afternoon and we took Jack to mini-golf which he adores and is pretty good at. That took up most of the afternoon and then I sort of hinted very quietly to David that I thought I was going to take Jack to the beach for fish and chips as it was a magnificent evening/night. I either wanted David to leave so Jack and I could have some quality time or, if he wanted to come, then I wanted him to let me know early and get his head around the fact that he would be leaving later as I didn't want to get to the beach until about 7pm. Well, he decided he'd like to accompany us and that worked out okay. He took Jack way out quite deep and that left me on my own for a while which was nice and I managed to have a nap. By the time I woke again, they were standing over me and it was time to go. So much for quality time spent with my son. Oh well, he enjoyed, we left and had showers, David went on his merry way and Jack and I fell into bed and I read to him for an age.

In more news my oldest boy Jamie has moved out and now lives with his father. I am not, as you may think, upset about this. I am very glad for Jamie, I believe he has taken up the slack here for long enough and should be out living the life of a normal 20 + young man, working, studying, spending time with his lovely girl-friend Christina. His dad lives on a sprawling, acreage, 7 bedroom home, Jamie wakes up to deer outside his bedroom window each morning, he has a such a well set up bedroom/sitting room there and his Dad and his partner Lisa, lead a much more sociable lifestyle that suits Jamie as Lisa has two daughters that are in their twenties and also their respective partners that come and go and are between 20 and thirty. They have a Roast night on Sunday, a BBQ night on Wednesday and the boys all talk cars and the girls do their own thing and it all works out really nicely. So, I am glad for my son, I want him to experience a little lightheartedness in his life. He knows he is more than welcome to come here and spend time with us whenever he likes, spend time with Jack and I or just hang out and play the Wii. I love him so dearly for wanting to take on the role that he tried to take on but it was too much for him, it is very difficult to try and manage a home and a child as well as a woman that can get a tad grumpy when she's feeling yuk!!! So, on to new and brighter things this year, I am fighting with a new strength of will, I am fighting for my sons, Jack does not need to go and live with David yet, he is too young to lose his Mother and so on I shall fight, as hard as possible.

25 comments:

  1. Praise God the chemo and meds are working. I'm so sad though to read about the pain. Bless your heart. Keep fighting sweet friend. Miracles happen every day. Plan to be one.

    Hugs!
    Kat

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  2. Jen, I am so proud of you. You are such a good mother to your sons. You set an example for all of us.

    I pray that your pain is manageable - or better yet - no pain. I pray for your strength and spirit. I pray that you know the comfort of God.

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  3. Not good to hear that the pain level was so back last week - maybe the tumour was just getting you back for shrinking it. Good on you for playing the "mum" card with Dave - its amazing how that one works here sometimes too.
    Keep fighting!
    Love and prayers
    K xx

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  4. Hi Jen, Glad to hear things are going a little better. Did David jump to action because he doesn't like MIL or because of pride? Either way it's very funny how it made him get to work!
    Stay strong my friend. I think of you every day, many times a day. Hugs.

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  5. sorry you are having a rough time. don't worry about trying to do everything. just keep on focusing on yourself with your new will. glad your sons are doing well. take care.

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  6. Jen, I am glad that you got the help that you needed eventually!!
    I am thinking of you ~ as always and hope that things will get a bit better.
    Take care my friend, Love and big hugs Tabitha XXXXX

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  7. Nice to hear of your week Jen. I get to worrying if you go more than one week without posting! That seems kind of silly, but yet it is true.

    We have snow snow snow here in New England where it has been below zero in the last five days so it seems weird to hear of beaches and fish and chips.

    All my love - Susie

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  8. What are they putting in that Avastin that is making you so strong? It's quite amazing, this new found fight and strength in you. I'm so happy to hear it in your voice in these posts.

    Take care and know that I keep you in my thoughts often.

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  9. Hi Jen,
    SO glad to hear that the Avastin's working (yes, a little belated on my part, sorry) that is just fantastic news!! I am not thrilled to hear that you've had some bad pain but I am happy that you are able to get some meds to manage it.
    You are doing a fantastic job being a wonderful mom to J&J all this time - it's simply amazing - I don't know how you do it!
    Keep up the great work!
    Best,
    Cate in California

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  10. Wow, Jen...excellent news! You are absolutely inspiring...
    xo,
    annie

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  11. Dear Jen
    Glad to hear that thinks are now better with the pain. Keep going girlie - it is so good to know that the treatments are helping. That is what you need right now - more time with your boys and living.
    Always in my thoughts & prayers
    Nicky from Canada

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  12. Jen,

    I'm so glad you are continuing to fight and making headway! I came across this National Public Radio segment about how when a woman has a baby, there is evidence that some of the baby's cells linger in her body for decades. Scientists think those cells may help protect and/or heal her from disease later in life. (The way stem cells would.) I thought it was really beautiful - and so appropriate for a mother like you who is fighting so hard for her children. Maybe Jamie and Jack are fighting for you too, in ways you never dreamt! Here's the link: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5195551

    love and prayers, Amber

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  13. Hi Jen
    So glad to to hear the treatments seem to be helping! My thoughts are with you and the boys!!


    Meredith from Iowa

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  14. Pain is poo! Take it away, take it away, take it away NOW! The bloody cheek of the shrinking beast (last fight before it vanishes into the ether I hope!). You keep on fighting my friend, and may you be pain free, alive and well!xxx

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  15. Hello dear!
    So good to know that the treatments are helping.
    Always thinking of you with love and friendship.
    xoxo
    Bete

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  16. I came over here from John-Michael's place, and I'm glad I did. You're a very inspiring woman. Keep a smile, as much as possible. I'll be including you in my prayers.

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  17. You never cease to amaze me with your strong and courageous spirit! hugs.

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  18. Just one of those hugs seeing that you are having goodish days despite the baddish moments.

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  19. Happy Birthday to you Jen. I hope you are having a wonderful day surrounded by great friends and family..

    Take care
    SARAH

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  20. Thanks for sharing about the pain. i'm in my first round of chemo and I was totally unprepared for how much it hurts. And couldn't really find many answers on how to handle it. I'm finding I get the best information from those who've been through it. I will come back and visit!

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  21. Hi Sweetie....so glad to hear that things are going better. Saying lots of prayers for you.

    xoxo

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  22. 'Tis the 26th ... and I am sending all of the love and adoring best wishes possible to you on your anniversary of arriving on this bit of an earthly orb. Happiest of Birthdays to You, My Precious Friend. I love You.

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  23. Hope you have had a lovely day today.
    love Karen xx

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  24. Happy birthday! It's also my goddaughter's birthday today! Hugs Lisa L.

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