Saturday, 15 November 2008

Settling In.....

A little sneak pic of David and I on our Wedding Day so you know what he looks like. I know, I know, we look good together don't we. (sigh)

Well what a hullaballoo on our friendly, lovin' space huh!!!! Not quite sure what to make of the person that wrote those comments but I don't want to give her/him to much air play if you know what I mean. I will just say that I found myself quite shocked at being disbelieved like that. It has never occurred to me that people may not believe that I was sick, I mean who would maintain an entire blog about an illness they don't actually have??? I just can't even fathom that I would be called into question on such a thing which is why I believe it is truly her/his problem as what type of person would even consider such a thing.

Thank you so much to all of my lovely readers who wrote me beautiful and helpful comments, I really appreciated it, especially when there were a few comments this time that caused me some distress. I addressed some of those on the comments page but I'm not sure whether I made myself clear enough. I particularly want to thank Karen for sticking up for me like a champion in regards to the kook that wrote in saying I was a fraud, thank you very much darling, I felt so much better reading your comment, also Kat-in-Texas - you too were on fire my friend, thank you for telling that person that they don't belong here, Rose from Classic Charm rushed to my defense also, Nicky from Canada, Firefly Hill - it was just lovely to see my readers come to my defense like you did and I am sure, had I left those comments up for longer, I would have had many more rush to my defense but I decided to remove them just to make a point to the one that wrote them, perhaps I should have allowed them to stay but I didn't even want to have to look at them. Alice, my darling, I loved your comment, so wise and YES, I would love to come to Cornwall, England too, now........ if only I could win the lotto........;) Anyway darling, thank you for your comment, I appreciated it.
David, Jack and I have all settled in beautifully I am happy to report. After that bit of trouble we had last week, David and I had discussions over the weekend (he had gone home for the weekend but we spoke over the phone) and he was rather ashamed and apologetic, when he came back on Sunday night he was absolutely fantastic, a real rock for the entire week. So we have all had a lovely time, even managed to get down to our local beach for dinner one night complete with Otis who adored it. He made two other puppy friends who were both running around madly without their leads on so I took Oties off and he went for it, played madly and then when it was time for his friends to go home he happily came back to me for his lead to be put back on, then he had a lovely bath when we got home and slept like he's never slept before! David kept school and swimming running like clockwork, meals and shopping too and has all in all been really wonderful, I think perhaps so many of you were correct in thinking that perhaps he was scared and stressed too. He definitely needs to go home for the weekend if he can because I think it just helps him to cope with the week ahead, after all it couldn't be easy living away from home and family and friends, taking on all the responsibilities that go with raising a small boy and I am not sure whether I have mentioned how wonderful he has been with Jamie as well. He has taken him out many times and organized work placement interviews and all sorts of help for his intellectual disability in regards to working, not to mention shooting up to Peter McCallum Institute which is an hour away from us here, to get my medicine when I was about to run out a lot earlier than we thought. So he really has been wonderful. As I write this though, he is playing a game of cricket up in Warragul (his home town), for which he vows he will pay for for the next few days in as far as he will hardly be able to move! He left here Friday morning after dropping Jack off to school and will come back Sunday night ready for the next shift. Here's hoping he has a lovely, relaxing weekend as it really helps him cope with a lot for the coming week.

On a completely different note, I haven't spoken on this blog much about my family and by that I mean my mother, my sisters, my brother etc, (not my immediate family) mostly because it has been too hurtful and mostly because I have felt it would be disloyal but I have recently decided that this is my blog, I am a big girl now, this has been a topic that has had a huge influence on my life and I believe on my cancer too. It would take me a lifetime to write about everything that has taken place in my 39 years but I think the way me having cancer has been handled would have to have been the worst. I have now decided that if I need to get something off my chest in regards to family, I will. It's as simple as that, I am sick of feeling that I can't go there when often times I really feel like writing about it. Growing up with them and also dealing with them as an adult have had an enormous affect on me and on me dealing with cancer, perhaps even having cancer. Also, if this blog is to be printed off one day as a testament to who I was, then there would be a huge chunk of information missing and a huge chunk that simply wouldn't make sense or add up and I want it to be as true an account as possible. Mind you, for that to be possible I would probably need to write a book I think, unless I turned this into a very different kind of blog, one that really started from my earliest memories and was very detailed. And then, my family, who don't even bother to read my blog now, would certainly sit up and take notice and then try and dispute everything I said because that is the nature of the beast. I guess if I were to do that then I should do it privately and have it published after I die so I don't have to be on the receiving end of what would be an absolute furore because I dared to speak up.

Now having said that, I don't really feel like going into details right now, but my family have let me down badly (again) lately and once again, I was left wondering how the hell I was born into this unit and how the hell to deal with what they put out, I honestly don't know how to deal with them except by having nothing more to do with them and I don't really want it to be that way but I keep getting so damn hurt that there may be no other choice anymore. Obviously I need to learn something from them, probably the patience of a saint!! lol!! Is there any one of you that has had to let your family go in order to keep the peace or your health? Any of you that has a family that keep thinking it's okay to hurt you and that you are the one that can take it and if you can't anymore it doesn't even matter that much? If so, I would really like to hear how you've dealt with it. Either on the comments page or via emailing me in private, up to you but I would be very interested to hear from you.

Okay sweet readers and sweet blog family, lets keep this blog the loving, healing space it is for all of us and keep the magical circle flowing. It really has been and will continue to be a magical space here and although I am for now moderating the comments section, I don't anticipate doing it for more than a few days because something goes against the grain about it. I've never, ever had to do it in more than a year of writing extremely openly here and there is something wonderful about that and I don't want to lose it, so as I say, I will stop moderating very shortly and I guess if any unwelcome 'intruders' turn up you have shown me that you are all more than capable of dealing with them quick smart. Take care my dear friends and I am hoping to be able to post a little more regularly from now on. Love and Peace to All.

30 comments:

  1. love you, I have not read recently-
    you are so beautiful, that light of your shines so brightly in these photos.

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  2. Jen,
    What beautiful wedding pictures. You look like a princess.
    I'm so sorry that your family doesn't treat you right. It's heartbreaking to think that when you need them the most they aren't there for you.
    I'm so happy that you have David there to help.
    Love & Hugs,
    Dodie

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  3. Pretty cool photos - I met Dave at Wendy's shop once - he's a bit of a spunk but don't tell him I said so...lol... and that girl with him is a stunner!
    We don't get to choose our family so isn't it lucky we can choose our friends.
    Keep smiling hun,
    love Kaz xxx

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  4. I'm so glad I checked this out before going to bed.

    OMG! Y'all make a beautiful couple!!!! It's no wonder Jack is so gorgeous. Jen, I love your hair dark like that. Stunning!

    Okay, I'm only going to say this once to you and dear David...ahem...

    GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!
    (please forgive my sentence enhancer).

    You KNOW what I mean, Jen! You two look so happy (and in love) with each other! Now we see another side here. Wish I lived closer. I love playing Match Maker!

    We bloggers would love to see y'all work it out for Jack's sake. Give him a tremendous sense of security by having his immediate family strengthened. What God joins together, let no man put asunder.

    When God is first in your lives, you'll see the results! In ALL areas--family, friends, coworkers, etc.

    I don't know what to say about your family. But, they'll be the sorry ones when you're not here to harass anymore. Shame on them!

    Hope you have an enjoyable and relaxing weekend yourself. Take care and get back to us soon!

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  5. Wow! You are breathtakingly gorgeous! Thank you for sharing those photos...how incredibly beautiful they are!

    I'm sorry for all the bad in your life. I've kind of been there with some in my family too. Long story short, I cut them out of my life as much as I could to prevent the hurt from occurring as often as it did. I kept them at arm's length so to say. It sure does hurt to have "family" like that.

    I'm so glad to hear things at home with David are doing better. I can only imagine how stressed he is with everything too. I think of you all and just wish you peace. I can't believe you got a mean old troll who broke in here and was nasty to you! I hate those old trolls...they get into your mind and mess with your head and stuff. Just ignore them all from now on and we'll take care of them for you! :) that is, if it happens again.

    Take care you foxy momma, you!

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  6. Hi Jen, I have read your blog for quite some time but haven't commented. I just felt I didn't have the right words to be of help to you.After reading this post I just had to comment.My family situation is very similar to your own. I don't know why but my family and I have always had a strained?? relationship. My Parents and Sisters always treated me as an intrusion. I always thought if anything major happened then surely they would rally around me.On the 25 of July 2003 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Unfortunately for me they didn't rally around . My Mother and 3 Sisters did not come to see me, offer help or be in my life in any shape or form. I was lucky I had my Husband and 3 children for support. My only Brother and his wife were also of enormous support to me. After I completed my treatment I had to think about what I was going to do about the relationship with my family. Every time I thought of them I would feel ill and upset. I felt as if they had fed my Cancer so to speak. I then decided in my mind that I would physically and mentally sever the ties with them so I wouldn't be churned up about their treatment of me.It' been 5 years now and it has been hard on me. They on the other hand don't seem to miss me in their lives. I did what I had to do to survive. I know for me it was the right thing. For you dear Jen,I wish for clarity of mind to make the right choice for you. I think of you every day and wish you much love, Suzanne.

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  7. Okay guys I am just posting this comment for Jacquie as she is having trouble being able to post - here goes:-

    Hi Jen. I read often and I can't seem to be able to post a comment (don't ask me why?? I'm computer challenged). Your most recent post shocked me, a blog troll?? Seriously??? Some people are just not cool! Just had to say that. Be strong Jen, there are alot of good people out there rooting for you. xxx

    Jacquie (http://dealwithitgirlsrule.blogspot.com)

    P.S. Now I see why you Jack is so darn cute! He has some great looking parents. :-)

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  8. Wow, you are a beautiful couple! David is so handsome and yes, you look like a princess or a model! I am so glad to hear that things are better this week at home. David sounds like he has everything well in hand...

    As for the blog troll, I find it hard to take that someone would hurt a person like that by throwing accusations. When you are ready, I say take the moderator off and if any more trolls appear, let us, your blog family, have at them. We will run them right out of here.

    Thanks so much for visiting my blog....it is always so special to me when you visit.

    Annie

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  9. Wow Jen - what a beauty! And David is very handsome too. You looked gorgeous on your wedding day!

    I'm glad David is feeling better. Isn't it wonderful when you are able to talk through things and make them better.

    Family - ah yes. It is so unfair that you do not have their ongoing unqualified support. It makes me so angry.

    I'm so glad to hear from you Jen. Hugs Lisa

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  10. What a nice wedding photo, thanks for sharing. That dress is stunning as are you! Inside and out!
    I have always wondered why because we are born into a group do we feel obligated to stay within that group and can often be give less credit to people who we choose and enjoy having in our lives. (ie friends)
    Much love

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  11. Hey Jen, I am really sorry that happened here on your blog. I did not catch the comments but gosh I can't even imagine.
    Your pictures are so beautiful. Such a pretty bride!
    I have been checking in to see how your are, You inspire me with your courage and I am praying for you everyday! Thanks for you comment on my blog! Sending lots of hugs your way!

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  12. Hi Jenni! I must have missed the blog troll. Trolls seriously have too much time on their hands and I wonder why they carry around so much anger. Just brush it off.

    The pictures of you are stunning! And I'm glad you and David get on well enough that he comes and helps all week. That's huge.

    With regards to your family, you have to surround yourself with people that care about you - whether or not they are related to you by blood. People show their true colors during times like this and it is good, in a way. You know who Jack and Jamie can come to count on, when you aren't there to protect them.

    Much love to you.
    Danielle

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  13. Sorry Jen, I hadn't realised that you'd received such a nasty comment from 'Anonymous' - perhaps the person ought to be renamed 'Wanker' huh??!!
    Mightily beautiful pictures of a mightily beautiful couple. I am so gald that things are looking up regarding all three of your boys and you. Get it all off your chest about yor poxy family and I so wish I could come over and help you out. No job too small..or big Much love Alice xxxxx

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  14. Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. All of it, you, him, your sons, your blog, your heart, your gift of sharing, your journey... you are on my heart all the time. I'm so thrilled when I see another post by you. Keep up the incredible job you're doing with your life. I pray for you every time I think of you. You have had a huge impact on my life. Sending lots of love,
    Jynene www.vintagebyhart.typepad.com
    I'm sorry I've posted 'anonymous,' haven't figured out the system yet.

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  15. You Are.........absolutely gorgeous!

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  16. Ahh...jen. I received your beautiful, well writen message. I'm off to respond to it now, but just wanted to say you are absolutely beautiful, and based on your beauty (which I already knew) I pictured David looking just as dashing as he does! whoo-hoo! :o)

    i love you, and continue to pray for your very deserving peace.
    vicki

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  17. Oh Jen,

    You and David are such a beautiful couple! You look stunning, I LOVE your dress. Wow.
    Just beautiful!
    Hugs,
    Rose

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  18. I'm so glad that David is handling things better now, makes things much better for you and for Jack. Lovely wedding photos.

    Sorry to hear that your family doesn't support you. I don't really get much support from my family either. In fact in the sixteen years since we've had Katie in our lives, neither my brother nor my sisters has ever offered to help us with her. Not even once. My sister in law did once but never my own family.

    I wrote about my mother tonight which was hard but the truth is hard.

    I hope that things go well for you, and for Jack and David, as well as your oldest. Take care sweetie.

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  19. Jen... these are the most beautiful wedding photos I've ever seen. Wow.

    So glad to hear that things are worked out with David. Not only glad for your sake, but it's a really great lesson for Jack to learn to resolve situations like that. A lot of people never learn how (I'm thinking your family might fit into that category...).

    You are loved, beautiful Jen.
    Peace to you :)

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  20. DEar Jen,

    You are both completely GORGEOUS!

    So glad things are going well with David - it's all so hard, what you're all going through - and I think you're doing brilliantly.

    As always I am absolutely gobsmacked by the amount of grace and courage you continue to show under such crappy circumstances.

    Becky XXXXX

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  21. They are gorgeous pictures Jen ~ you look so beautiful!!
    Sorry that you have had some problems on your blog ~ I haven't seen the comments ~ but I am sorry that some people are nasty!
    love and big hugs my friend XXX

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  22. Hi Jen,
    I have been reading your blog since last year but never commented until now. I have
    enjoyed your spunk and honest comments the most. Sometimes a crisis brings people closer
    together as you have seen with David and sometimes not as in your family. My husband has similar reactions to health issues and kid issues but I haven't decided why I haven't divorced him. Probably love is just such a fairly tale for me and I stick with like a bull dog. I believe he would fall apart if I did and maybe my two boys would too even though they say otherwise sometimes. Anyway,
    his family has nothing to do with us and his
    parents live less than 1 mile away. Their only grandkids too! We all got along before the kids, my oldest is 13, and before my husband opened his own business. His mom would be so cruel in her comments to me and her standoff ways I just gave up eventually. It hurt alot in the beginning but we have considerably less stress without them. She is very controlling. She won't attend our kids birthdays unless they're at her house, she told me how fat I was two weeks after my C-section and my husband would leave me, etc. I wasn't capable of handling a new baby, etc. I was 31 and we dated for 6 years.Stooge! This continued for about 3 years telling me what a bad housekeeper I am (true) but never a lick of help from her. My mom & dad would drive 1000 miles to help me with my son. All she did was argue about why I wasn't breast feeding. Pipes weren't working fool that's why. My father died this year and I was very sick for momths before that with toxoplasmosis. They thought I might have cancer because I had huge
    lymp nodes and finally removed one to biopsy. I had breast biopsies, cat scans and neck surgery. My boys helped me and loved me back to health. Thanks be to God!
    She or his Dad never called or helped my kids so I was right about them all along. Do you ever watch John Edward's Cross Country? He talks to dead people and believes families stay together in the after life even though they can't on this earth find a way to love each other. Forgiveness is part of their relm but he doesn't always think it is possible here. His Dad left him as a baby and so he has a reason for that thinking. Some people are just
    bad for our emotional well being and you shouldn't feel guilty about any of it. John says everyone does have to own up to that later. You have so much stress in your life say your prayers to let them go and you forgive them but won't cry over it anymore. Your boys will see the results of this release
    Kids are so intuitive. I'm betting Jack knows more than you think. My sons knew when I was sick and wanted to help take care of me. I am so sorry your situation is so painful for you but I think you can help Jack by teaching him to pray for you. When you do pass ask him to pray for you still because it will give you both energy because your spirit will never die. My father died right after I started getting well and my kids knew he was battling heart disease for 20 years. We always knew he could go at any moment over the years but we were so lucky he made it after two heart operations, first at 40. I would never have handled life without knowing what was going on with him. It empowers, even a child, to know you face this head on and are doing your best to stay with it. Your life threatening illness cannot be denied so let your son know how he can help today and in the future. I am so praying for you and think about you often.
    I only have an inkling of the pain you must be going thru. I had a crown go wrong a couple months ago and the root became abcessed. A week of waiting, on darvocet, almost made me insane with pain. The nerves in my face were on fire. It's been the most painful year for me but with prayers to my father he gives me so much strength. He always told me to live life as if there is no tommorrow. You can do that for Jack. I hope I have helped you in some way. God Bless you and your boys. They are such a blessing and believe me they won't care how many movies you put on for them. Love is all they need to know from you. You're an angel, Kelli

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  23. Dear Jen
    You two do look very good together, and I am so happy to hear that you are working together in this most difficult time. This is when you need to be able to lean on the people and it shows you who is really there for you. I hope that you can both be there to help each other through this time and I am so happy that David is so good with the boys!!
    I am starting to feel a peacefulness about you and I think that David is a big part of that!!
    God Bless, love and prayers
    Nicky from Canada

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  24. ahhh!!! Gorgeous!!!

    Beautiful!!!!!!

    Spectacular!!!!

    Romantic!!!!!!!!

    Sexy!!!!!!!!!!!

    Absolutely gorgeous!!!

    Oh yes! I'm talking about you! xx

    PS: the family thing? Can talk loads about this...but in short...i would think...

    i have to love ME.
    i have to trust my judgement.
    i have to open my heart to realise that they know no better.
    i know me.
    that is all there is to living your most authentic life.

    i also know that we seek for the approval and support of those who don't really matter...and those that matter...we don't worry what they say...xx

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  25. I have difficult family and it took years for me to come to terms with the fact that they will be who they will be, that there's nothing I can do to change them. Someone said to me once that, "Your family is supposed to treat you better than how a stranger would treat you. Just because someone is family doesn't give them the right to treat you worse than you would allow from a stranger, from a co-worker, from a friend." I had a real "ding" moment right then and there, and was freed from a lot of the guilt I felt about distancing myself from them. I still love them all and wish them the best, but if I wouldn't let a stranger hurt me (over and over), why would I let family?

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  26. we love you jen. thank you so much for your honest and open sharing. you mean a lot to us.

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  27. I am so sorry that you are having issues with your family. It is so hard when you know you would react to something differently/better than they are reacting. Take care of yourself now...

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  28. Bless you, Jenni. sending peace your way today.
    Ruthie from California

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  29. Although you don't give details, I suspect your family is very much like my husband's family was when he had cancer. They let us down tremendously, although I tried to hide a lot of the letdowns from him and let him die thinking that at the very least, his parents stepped up (which is kind of true, but only because my mother, a very strong and great woman, bullied and threatened them into stepping up). I've often wondered how he could have come from his family, but I will say this. His friends were and still are amazing, as it seems yours are. It's our friends that reflect who and what we really are because we choose them and they choose us. You cannot choose your family, you are just stuck with them.

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