Thursday, 20 November 2008

A Sad, Sad Day...

Hi everyone, I am here to tell you the news I received in my Oncologists office late this afternoon, I promised in my last post that I would let you know as soon as I could so here I am! I am afraid the news is not good and it turns out that my fear was perhaps a gut feeling instead. Unfortunately the cancer has traveled to my lungs and I have at least 7 tumors there but if there are 7 we can actually see there will be more popping up regularly so it is really bad news. My Oncologist says this changes even my 2 year outlook and says that if I am going to go the chemo road that we need to start right away with Irinotecan, Xeloda and Avastin. Unfortunately the Avastin has still not passed all it has to here in Australia, it is literally weeks off being passed and then will be free to all that need it but until then I must continue to pay $3,500 per session! My Oncologists feels that we definitely need to have the Avastin, he believes we must throw everything we can at it. I am handling the news well I guess. I am not the type to scream and cry at the mention of bad news, rather I internalize it and try not to think about it too hard. When I allow myself to think about what is happening to me and to my beautiful boys, I find that I am shaking with fear and hurt and pain, sheer terror actually. I suppose I am lucky I can put a lid on it, although this night I can feel it there bubbling beneath the surface, wanting to pull me under into the dark depths of despair but I cannot and will not go there, I have my two boys with me, David has gone back to Warragul as his high school kids are graduating tonight and he has to be there. He will be back either late tonight or first thing in the morning, I must hold it together at least until then.

I am sorry to have to give you such bad news, I know you will all be so sad for me and I appreciate your caring for me so very much, I truly do. I am going to continue to fight for now even though my Oncologist has said he will support me either way and completely understands if I have had enough treatments and just want to stop now and try and enjoy the time I have left but I feel I still have some fight left in me and this time I may go the alternative therapies route. I have nothing left to lose and I have heard at the very least it can enhance the effects of the chemo and also help your body to cope with the affects of it. I also keep hearing positive stories about people that have completely changed their diets, I mean into macrobiotics, that type of thing and then find their cancer is in remission, for years in many cases. My Oncologist, when I asked him what he thought about me completely changing my diet, said that if that sort of thing worked he would be offering it in his hospital and charging a fortune and getting very rich. He says it doesn't work, there have been many, many clinical trials done on this topic and none of them have proved that diet can cure cancer. This really put me off trying it to tell the truth but since then I have read about, and heard tell of people that have truly done it and are still going strong years later so now I figure when I have no choice left and I am dying no matter what, then I may as well try it huh? It can't do any harm that's for sure. If any of you have heard anything about diet or acupuncture or naturopathy, reiki, please let me know as much as you can about it and what your thoughts on it are, I would appreciate it a lot. Take care for now and I will post again soon, love to you all.


  1. Jen I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. Hugs Lisa L.

  2. Sorry that you got that news from the doctor today, Jen. You still have the fighting spirit and are going to continue with treatments, I say go with the diet change. Fight in anyway you see you can.

    Love you,

    Cindy in Canada

  3. Not good news hun, but there is absolutely no harm at all in going for the healthy diet and any other alternative therapies you can do while having chemo - do what feels right for you. Wish I was there giving you a huge hug right now.
    love and prayers always,
    K xxx

  4. Oh Jen, my heart is breaking for you. I was so sure you would not have this terrible news.
    You are a fighter and I hope you can put this monster into remission.

    I know nothing about the diet you are speaking of. I find it very interesting and I'm anxious to hear what you find out about it.

    That sucks that Avastin isn't covered yet. Is there a way the drug company itself would help you with it?

    As always, you are in my prayers.
    I love you Jen!
    Hugs, Dodie

  5. Words escape me on this sad day. Do what you can, if that means changing your diet, then do it. It doesn't seem like it would hurt you, so why not try it.

    I'm sorry jen. I continue to love and pray for you. Thank you so much for updating as soon as you could. So typical of you Jen, you're an angel.


  6. Hi Jenni,

    I am so sorry you have to carry the weight of this news around. I don't know much about the diet side of things but if something makes you feel better and gives you some sense of power in fighting this thing (instead of just leaving it up to the doctors and hoping) I say go for it.

    I've heard acupuncture can do wonderful things for combating nausea during chemo and for some pain relief. You might talk to your pain guy about the benefits.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts, dearest. Much love to you.


  7. So sorry to read your news. I will keep you in my prayers. Lorri S. (another mom with cancer.)

  8. I will be praying for you Jen. You have such
    positive energy to share with us even during these days of bad news. You're Inspiring!
    Try anything that helps even if it is
    just talk. Everyone is different and miracles happen everyday. God Bless!

  9. Hi Jen,
    Just came on and read your latest entry.
    Whichever course you choose, I am sure it will be the best one for you and your family.

    I hope that if I ever have to endure the obstacles that you have been through, that I will be able to face them with the same positive energy as you have shown us.

    Be strong!!

  10. I say do whatever you think might help - if it doesn't help physically, it may help mentally and energy-wise, yes?

    And sweetie, I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry.

  11. Jenni:
    Tears - hugs - miracles - smiles - postive warm thoughts your way...

    Love, Laura

  12. Oh Jen- I'm so sorry. Sending you love and hugs...Laurie

  13. Dearest Jen,
    My opinion? Eat what you like. What makes you feel great. What reminds of good times. what's easy. What's tasty. Now is not the time to deny yourself the simple pleasure of yummy food. Food makes us feel good. To have to condsider every meal on the merits of its cancer beating credentials will just wear you out even more. Your loved ones will be far more comforted to see you tuck in and enjoy what yo realy love, instead of seeing you ufer even more. Hey, that's just my opioion but if I were there, I'd want to provide you wit hale and hearty meals!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  14. Well, you've probably heard this before, but have you considered some medicinal marijuana to help relieve pain? And of course you should try whatever diet/holistic type treatments you feel might help.

    Keeping you in thoughts and prayers here.

  15. So sorry to hear your very heavy news.

    I'm sharing with you this link. The author was my neighbor when I was a child, and my mother is still in touch with her.

    Perhaps her story of beating the odds will apply in some way...

  16. So sorry Jen that the news is so sad. I have been reading about Ian Gawler and his work on Diet and Meditation during and after Cancer treatment. If changing to a Macrobiotic Diet or any change in Diet makes you feel you have some input on your treatment it is worth considering. Sending you much love and positive energy, Suzanne:)

  17. Oh Jen, I am so sorry. This is such a rough, scary, cruel road for you to be on. Sending you love and more love over the miles.

  18. Hi sweet Jen...I'm sad, so sad with your bad news. BUT I know you are a fighter, and I say keep fighting. Try the diet...and remember that God has the last word. Prayers my dear.

  19. I've heard some doctors talk about a possible sugar-cancer connection. Meaning sugar feeds cancer. I'm not an expert and don't know about the research that was done. But what the heck? I'll try to find out more about it and let you know.

    I'm sorry you received that bit of news today. But God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
    2 Timothy 1:7.

    YOU FIGHT TO THE END, JEN. You're not someone to sit back and let the doctors tell you it can't be beat! I may sound naiive, but I have hope in the Lord for you, my friend! And I pray you will put your faith in Him. You have nothing to lose there either!

    Let us know what we can do for you. Prayers all around the world for you this night, Jenni!!! I hope you feel the love!

    Hug and a Smootch!

  20. I am so sorry to hear your news... I have heard about a very strict diet that is supposed to help. I can't remember the name of it, but will try to find it and come back. Also, someone I knew managed to arrest her own cancer using hypnotherapy. I met her four years on, alive and kicking. That might be worth a look perhaps?
    In the meantime, it does sound as if your oncologist believes in his own products, and with teh best of that and the best of everything else too and lots of postitive positive thinking, then maybe things could change......
    Keep believing. You CAN.......

  21. Jen, I've been away from blogs for a while, and am so, so, sorry to return to this news. I have no experience or knowledge of what you might expect from alternative therapies in cancer, but some could be supportive in terms of energy, etc. You'll be in my prayers.

  22. Such hard news Jen - peace to you and your boys.

  23. Jen,
    I'm so sorry, dammit.
    I agree with you; what harm could the alternative therapies do?
    My hopes are with you on this. Soooooo with you.
    If you need to "talk", I'd be happy to listen. My email is kriddle at q dotcom.
    Much love,

  24. Love to you, baby. Call if you want to talk. Absolutely anytime.

  25. if anyone can do it, Jen, then it would have to be you. You just seem so amazingly strong and courageous.

    I don't know anything about diet and cancer (although in some ways it seems cruel to link the two - as if people are causing their own cancer by what they do or don't eat...know what I mean?) but I have tried Reiki (for emotional reasons) and found it very helpful. I think it's certainly worth a try!

    You're in my thoughts.


  26. Jen - You can get over this, many, many others have done so! Check out Bio Glo based in Armadale 0404 560 952 - you will find the answer to support you through it all - getting rid of physical and emotional toxins is a massive start. Doctors are legally bound to prescibe medication even if it doesn't work.

    Good luck and good love xx

  27. Jen I'll say a prayer for you. And for your must be hard on them also to see their mum go through such trials.

  28. jeni, i am so sad. i pray for you every single day. i am still here....and i have been emailing you, but i understand why you have been away for a bit...alot to process. i love you and please please please know that. we are together in spirit.

    hugs sweet friend...

  29. Jen,
    I'm so sorry about the news of the scan... I was hoping for the best and it's hard to wrap your brain around any of this - much less what to do.

    I agree that trying macrobiotics may help and certainly can't hurt. Kris Carr in New York City did a documentary on this as she did it to help her cancer stall - maybe google it?

    For what it's worth, I saw a hands on healer (after much foot dragging and skepticism!) and now I'm a pretty big believer. The gentleman I saw was trained in the Phillipines where he'd taken his mother for treatment between school studies for art at Harvard in Boston. (He looks like your average accountant, button down shirt and all and is now in his 60s). The healer working on his mom told him to come back when he was done with his studies as his hands had the gift... and he did. Worth a shot - I can ask him if he knows anyone in Australia!

    On to more lovely things - love the beautiful pictures of your wedding! The 2nd shot of you and David is amazing... you look like a rock star couple (he looks a lot like Brian Ferry from Roxy Music) and you look like an angel. Just lovely - thanks for posting and I'm glad that you two have a working and good relationship - so often that's not the case with ex mates.

    Sending you prayers across the miles~
    Cate in California

    ps - I just googled Avastin and some pharmacies in Canada sell it. ( Can you get it from them instead of waiting?

  30. Hi!

    It popped into my head this morning.... The special diet is called the Gershon Therapy. Take care Jen! Sally x

  31. Oh Jenni...I hate this news. Wrapping my arms around you. With great love Meg

  32. I want to apologize for saying what I said. It's bothered me ever since I said it.

    No excuse for it. Please forgive me.

  33. Dear Jen,

    I am so sorry for your news. You are in my daily thoughts...

    I say try the diet if it feels right to you.


  34. Dear,
    Always thinking of you and praying. I found these two sites on internet today, as you're interested on a alternative help and comfort take a look here. What we eat helps in what we think and feel. It's said vegetarians have a better quality of life. I think they have. I'm half vegetarian because i eat fish and some meat once in a while... but i intend to leave meat.

    these are the sites:

    Lots of LOVE to you and the boys.

  35. Hi everyone, I guess you may have noticed the comment from 'anonymous' up about three comments above this one! Look I am still moderating and I saw this before I let it go through but I just thought I would allow it as he/she is being big enough to apologize. It would have meant a lot more had it not been 'anonymous' again, however, there it is and I guess everyone deserves a second chance.

  36. Jesus would be proud of you Jen! You "turned the other cheek!" ha.

    I'm glad 'anony-mouse' apologized. Maybe they're not so "cold-blooded" afterall.

    Still praying for you, my friend.

  37. Jen-
    I am so sorry about this development with your health. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. My dear sweet lady, hang in there. Sending you good thoughts and peace. In my prayers.

  38. Jen,

    I'm so sorry to hear this and really pray there will be lots of grace and strength for you tonight, especially until your reinforcements get back. I sent an email with some alt. therapy thoughts to your bigpond email address...too long to post here.

    love and prayers, Amber

  39. Jen,

    Sending Reiki your way. Your in my thoughts as always. I agree with the poster above: Eat what your body tells you to eat! Mac & Cheese, Steak, chocolate!! Whatever! Listen to your body. Love to your precious boys.

    Meredith from Iowa

  40. Jen I am so sorry to hear this. I have been reading a website lately that details the emotional and physical causes of cancer and I really think it's worth having a look. The doctor there totally believes in diet helping and says

    "If anyone says there is no cancer diet, give him my telephone number. That is a lie. I have shaken the hands of many people, who, thanks to an extreme dietary change became well. And if anyone comes, any of these much too clever professors and goes "Cancer diets are nonsene", send him to me. I can prove the opposite. I have collected enough cases and I know these patients personally."

    It is worth looking at, also the list of emotional reasons people get cancer. Maybe something will ring a bell for you.

    Keep fighting. I like what someone else said here: "Only God has the last word." Much much love and prayers for you.

  41. Oh Jen I am so sorry that you have had this news ~ I am thinking of you and sending you lots and lots of love.
    Take care my friend ~ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  42. Oh I am so very sorry. I have read your blog for quite some time and I keep you and your boys in my prayers. A friend has stage 4 cancer and diet/acupuncture/meditation etc has been very helpful for her - here is her blog -

    I hope it is helpful. Take care,

  43. Please know I'm praying so very hard for you everyday!

  44. Oh Jeni, I am so very sorry for this last bit of news. It is all so unfair; I don't need to tell you that, though.

    I don't really have anything for you but more hugs and many more prayers. You're a beautiful person and a wonderful mother. You are in my heart.

    ~ Judy from Mothers With Cancer

  45. Jenni,
    Praying for you....I always worry when you haven't posted for a few days. Hoping that things are going well and that your pain, when it surfaces, is able to be kept at bay. Praying for your swollen legs. Elevation does wonders!
    Love Ruthie from California