Monday, 6 October 2008

Thank God for All of You...

Thank you all so much, you are just so beautiful and fill me up with your love and kindness. I am indeed so very, very lucky to have you there reaching out to me with your sincere best wishes and genuine love. It truly helps so very much, it all helps to fill up that space we all have that needs to be nourished if we are to remain strong. Without that none of us are anything, we are only as strong as the love and care that pours into us and nourishes us. I truly feel blessed even though I am amidst such a frightening process, the human spirit is amazing and I am just so glad to have felt and seen what started out as total strangers reaching out offering love and kindness, it is so wonderful and so very powerful I believe, to have that kind of thing coming together here or indeed in any space where people share their love and feelings with each other and offer strength and hope for another person. Totally inspiring and just beautiful, I am so very lucky to have felt it. I think this blog has proved that there are certain people in this big and sometimes scary world that really are so very good at heart, that it is possible to start out really not knowing anyone that writes in and then developing beautiful friendships out of it. It is a new age and we are yet to see some of the results of this kind of connecting but I believe it is so very powerful and wonderful that we can share parts of our very soul with other souls no matter the distance, thanks to the internet the world is very small and we can all be one together and share our feelings and inspire each other and love each other. Such kindness is amazingly powerful. I often think of the now old fashioned 'Pen Pal'. We have all heard or seen on TV, stories about women or possibly men, who have written faithfully to each other for years and then one day they meet. I really do think blogging is a bit like that. It is a modern way of having Pen Pals and making genuine friendships. I tell you this, the people that come to this blog and write comments to me and send me emails, I love. I love them like friends that lived close by, if I could I would go and spend time with each and every one of them but this is the next best thing, it is very real, very true and I believe the friendships that are formed are powerful and not just a fleeting moment in time (some may be and that's okay too). I think when the world is all upside down and messed up as it is we need each other, we need to stick together and create peace in every small way each day and eventually it will permeate out into the world. We are doing that here, we have created a space of nurturing and love and peace. I thank you all so very much for sharing yourselves with me, words can not sufficiently express how deeply I am touched by all of you. Cathy has not been able to get her comments to publish and I hope others aren't having the same trouble, I will go and check it out and see if I can find where the problem is, in the meantime, I may post Cathy's comment here because it is so inspiring and beautiful I think we all need to see it, (hope you don't mind Cath xx).

Dearest Jenni—My comments on your blog do not seem to be going through
but want to send love and good wishes to you at this time. Your post
is so
beautiful—poignant and full of deep and courageous truths. Your
beautiful spirit
has touched us all so deeply and is always with us. Thank you for
being you, a person
of light. You have been open, courageous, bright, funny, honest, and
truly loving.
And you have never judged. You are so right that we must not judge.
You've inspired
us to be fully present, accepting and loving—no easy feat. May you
soon be free of pain, Jenni.
I'm so glad you have the support of loving friends and family. Please
know we love you too.
You are in our prayers and in our hearts and have changed our lives by
allowing us
to know you and what you are going through. If only we were nearer to
help you more.
I promise you that we are sending all the love and good wishes
possible, dearest Jenni.

Thank you so very much Cathy, these words you have written to me are just so very beautiful and I will hold them so very close in my heart throughout this ordeal. xx Just reading your comment makes me feel as though I can do this and I have strength enough. Thank you, thank you darling it really means so much. I must admit (and I'm going all depressing now for a moment) that I have not been convinced that I will survive this operation and just in case I don't (I probably will because I'm not going to get out of suffering surgical pain that easily huh???) but just in case I really want you all to know that I can leave this world now peacefully. My heart is swollen with grief for what Jack and Jamie will go through BUT I have such confidence in them and in the people that love them, they will be okay. Jack will be okay too. Don't get me wrong if I could stop him feeling the pain that will come if I should pass on, I would sell my very soul I think but it can't be stopped. Other people go through this, it is a very real and scary part of life, their is no guarantee that we get to stay with the people we love for long enough. We must just make the most of the time we do have with them, this is vital - the world is not fair, cancer is not fair, neither are any of the many different diseases and traumas that people go through, it is not right or good enough but I do believe it can change and will change and I believe that when we die something so beautiful awaits us and time has no meaning. I believe we will meet again with every soul we have loved deeply and there will be no such thing as loss, pain, hurt, grief, I believe this will happen when we pass on, I truly do. In the meantime I trust the people that are going to be loving and caring for my boys. Their fathers love them deeply and always do things that are considerate of the boys, no choice or decision is made without thinking about how it will affect them. They are very lucky boys to have such wonderful men loving them, they are not afraid to show it either which is very special. I have been blessed, I know it and I try to remember it when I am suffering pain and at my lowest ebb. Gosh this post was supposed to be just a very quick thank you note but well it is what it is now I guess. Take care darlings and thank you all so very much for your love, support and prayers, you know how I feel about it. xxx

38 comments:

  1. Both of your posts today have touched me so deeply that I really am at a loss for words. Thank you for letting us into your life and teaching us so many lessons along the way.

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  2. Oh, best wishes for your operation. You are showing us all how to live.

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  3. Jen you have touched my soul so deeply..my tears are flowing over your words. You are right that your boys will be okay...you have given them everything they need inside their souls to last them a lifetime. But I do so strongly believe that they will continue to have their mom with them. I believe that you will get through this and their will be a day in the future when the pain is over and the surgery will have been worth it. Hugs again Lisa

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  4. My Darling Jen ... How entwined You have become in the weaving of the fabric of my Heart. You have become as much a part of my Being as breath itself ... and I am so glad for hat truth. For, my Dearest of Friends, I am completely comforted with your Presence in my life and my world. You are exciting and motivating laughter ... whilst heart-rending sadness hammers at the door. I am more than I would have ever been had we not been guided to each other. And I rejoice in the blessing that Life has granted us in our discovery of each other. You do not take your next steps alone. Be assured that all through my day, and night, I am mindfully, and Heartfully, there ... part of You and each halting breath of anxious anticipation that you draw. This is what Love is. To be part of each other. And I joyfully embrace that wondrous part of me that is ... YOU. I love you, Jen.

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  5. Jen,

    I agree you are showing us all how to live ...what is important, love, happiness, relationships. Sometimes we cant see the forest through the trees....but you are helping us all to not let that happen. I am there with you in my heart ...willing the operation to be a success so that you can be pain free and live each day to its fullest.
    I am so glad you have your family all around you. As always, thinking of you constantly,


    annie

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  6. I completely agree. Blogging allows us friends and a support network that would have been unthinkable to other generations. I am vastly grateful for it.

    Hope today's a good day for you and that this surgery and sickness is just a speedbump in the long and beautiful life you will have.

    Blessings...

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  7. can you either post the address of the hospital, or email it to me?

    check your email...
    i love you...
    vicki

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  8. Dear, dear Jenni, along with your many, many blogging friends, I will be thinking of you and praying for you throughout this week especially. Your wonderful words here have touched me deeply, in your appreciation of your boys' fathers and the care they give to them. You know your sons will be well. And you, you brave, wonderful soul... all will be well.

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  9. Dear Jen
    Prayers will be with you, especially this week. So glad you have a lot of support and will be thiking of you as always.
    God Bless
    Nicky

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  10. anne.schlicher@yahoo.netTuesday, October 07, 2008 5:00:00 am

    Dear Jenni, Your courage and spirit are known around the world because of your ability to put your thoughts into words. Prayers for you across the oceans as you undertake this giant step in the name of Love. God Bless you girl, Anne in Va

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  11. Dear Jennifer,
    I found your blog a year ago in october 2007. Now you are going to your surgery. But your heart now is full with Love, true love. You are always in my thoughts and prayers darling.
    Hope to hear from you as soon as you are able to write down here, after surgery.
    Brave girl, beautiful mommy and friend!
    Sending love.
    Bete

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  12. You are truly a remarkably inspirational and generous woman and I wish nothing but the best possible outcome for you. I will be praying that all is well for you, your boys, and your family, and will be checking back often to hear the good news of your successful surgery. God Bless You!

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  13. Peace and healing to you Jen - and thank you for sharing your very difficult story and the decisions you have made along the way. YOu are right about your sons. They have your love no matter what. My daughters' dad did die of his cancer when they were young, and though they grieved, they very much have his emotional, intellectual, and spiritual legacy as adults. Love is stronger than death. Peace to you and yours.

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  14. I have no words...just thinking of you.

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  15. Dear Jen

    Godspeed to you. I will have you and your family in my prayers. You are an amazing women.

    God bless you
    Lysa

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  16. Jen,

    Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

    Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.......

    I'm not the author of that--but it sounds great! Actually, the aspostle Paul wrote it in Romans 8:35, 37-39.

    Take that passage of scripture with you, Jen, and cling to its promises! Jesus has conquered death and so can you. He's going to lead you through this troubled valley no matter what the outcome. By placing your trust and faith in Him, you are going to win the battle in more ways than one!

    God love you and be with you during this uncertain time. I'm staying in prayer for you with hopes for a speedy recovery with the least bit of pain as possible!

    Love you, Brave Jenster!

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  17. Jen -

    I love this post, you are right, there are many many many wonderful and loving people in the world and a whole bunch of us care about you and your boys.

    Love,

    Susan
    harrisonsjs@yahoo.com

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  18. Jen - A wonderful post. I'll be down on my knees by my bed tonight offering up a prayer for a good outcome on Thursday. God Bless you and your boys. Sheila from west Michigan

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  19. Hi Jen,

    Just wanted to let you know that I still think and pray for you every day and I will be praying extra hard for you on Thursday.
    Thank you for your honesty, your posts are always so inciteful and full of grace.

    Love & hugs to you
    Wx

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  20. Dearest Jen,
    Wishing and hoping and praying and dancing and howling at the moon and singing and conjuring up any and all good things to be headed your way this Wednesday, Thursday and the following recuperative weeks ahead. You are one of the strongest women I've ever *met* and I have no doubt that you'll pull thru this operation as you have in the past.

    You are an inspiration to me and to so many and from my lips to God's ears, your work here is just not done :-)

    Blessings and prayers to you and your boys today and in the coming days.
    Love,
    Cate in Cal

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  21. My heart and prayers are there with you, dear Jen.

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  22. Love you brave loving amazing mother Jen.
    Thursday will be a day of loving energy and prayers for you. I guess that is really tomorrow right?

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  23. Dear Jen,

    I wish there was more that I could say or do - but I shall be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping/praying HARD that all goes brilliantly for you and that you come out of the operation feeling a whole heap better.

    Hugs and love

    Rebecca XXXX

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  24. Just checked in and saw your news about the surgery. Will be sending lots of love and prayers your way dear Jen. BIG BIG hugs to you.

    xoxoxo

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  25. I'm praying for you for all to go well. You are so strong and patient, I hardly believe you have all this strength.
    Jack will grow up strong and I truly believe, Jen, it is a short existence, and we all will be reunited with our loved ones.
    As my faith tells me, when we are in the next life, we will wonder, did this life even exist, bc it will seem so short. And the next life is forever.
    I too am honored that you are sharing your journey with us.
    Thank you.

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  26. Jen

    I'll be praying for you and your family. I just know everything will be fine. Remember...God is holding you in His hand.

    Hugs!
    Kat

    Isaiah 41:10
    So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

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  27. Jen you are so brave and beautiful. my heart is in my throat for you tonight. You will always be in my thoughts until I know you are safe. I wish you calm and nerve to get through this. we will all be waiting for youto come home. xoxox

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  28. Wow, just wow.

    You had me at "Thank you all so much," and now I'm a blubbering fool. You're a beautiful person, so beautiful and strong and I'll pray for the very best outcome for all of this and for your boys.

    With much love in my heart,
    Judy/JustEnjoyHim

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  29. Love and prayers are with you!!!
    God Bless.
    Can't wait to hear from you next.
    Nicky in Canada

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  30. Your in my heart thoughts and prayers Jen. I always read but not had time to post. I pray for the best possible out come. Wrapping you in prayer.

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  31. Jenni,
    You have completely filled me with a stroke of stunning light and shivers. You are love.

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  32. Jenni B,

    I have followed your blog through Jen Lemen and Meg Casey, say no more, they are two darlings in their own right. I am sending you my heartfelt good vibes and humanistic hugs that your surgery finds you in a more peaceful state upon waking up to your boys. I am cheering you on from Massachusetts in the U.S.

    I think you're a courageous woman, who heart is as wide as the Grand Canyon and beyond. I'm on your side.

    Patricia Dolan
    patriciadolan@comcast.net

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  33. I don't know if you're off to surgery yet but wanted to send you a last-minute hug... we'll all be thinking of you with precious pink and white healing light. May your healing journey be quick and joyful.
    Daphne

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  34. Thinking of you constantly and sending my good wishes. Hugs, Kristen

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  35. My thoughts and prayers are with you Jen. I'm sure by now you've been to surgery. I can only hope to read your words again soon.

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  36. Thinking of you Jen! Hugs and prayers. Lisa L.

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  37. Prayers for you and you medical team today Jen.
    love
    K xx

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  38. Hello lovely Jen

    I'm sending you love, love, love and hope for spiritual and physical comfort. I know all of this is impossibly difficult, but I want you to know that another one of your friends on the other side of the world is thinking of you, dreaming of happier days and hoping you can feel the love through the pain.

    BIGGEST HUG,
    j

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