Jack has gone on holiday for a week! He has gone with his daddy to a town in the Australian Outback called Broken Hill. His Auntie and Uncle live there with his two cousins that are just a couple years older than Jack, his Uncle Peter is the Flying Doctor. This was a big deal for me to let him go that far and for that long. He is seven now though and the reason I haven't let him go for any length of time to his dads for ages is that he gets homesick. This happened only a couple of times but from there on in he was afraid it would happen again so he didn't want to go. I fell asleep a few nights ago, before Jack had gone to bed, Jamie and his girlfriend were here and they were in the lounge room with Jack watching a movie, I was in Jamie's room on his bed watching TV and fell asleep. Jack came in and woke me and I got up to drive Christine, Jamie's girlfriend home. She was mortified and said that she told Jack not to wake me but he said he couldn't sleep without me. I was really so taken aback when Christine told me this. I didn't realize that Jack didn't have any confidence in his ability to fall asleep without me! At Jacks bedtime I always lay in bed with him and read to him and I usually read so long that we both fall asleep or he does and I sneak out. Anyway I didn't realize that this had made him think he actually couldn't go to sleep without me. These were major factors in deciding to let Jack go on this trip with his father. He needed to test himself, to prove himself to himself and this was the perfect opportunity for him to do that. He would be far enough away that he couldn't just come home to me if he got homesick, he would have to find ways to deal with it. I knew he would be in very good hands with his dad and his relatives and I believe this trip will be such an amazing adventure for him and that he will come back having gained so much confidence in himself which is what I really want for him. So far so good, I have heard from him each day, he got homesick the first night in the hotel but only for a short time and when dad remembered Ted (Jack's teddy he's had since he was born) was in the car and went and got him, Jack slept the rest of the night without a problem. Then the next night he was with his relatives in their home and he slept just fine, let's hope tonight is the same.
I will be very honest though and say how very good for me this break is. I actually thought I might be a bit lost without Jack around but I certainly haven't been so far. Boy did I need this time to myself. I struggle a teensy bit with that whole 'time to yourself' stuff because I think it can be a bit over the top and selfish but I do believe it is so very important to mothers to have some amount of time now and then that is just for them. When I don't get a break and I am dealing with intense pain and exhaustion it does not make for a very good mama and that is not fair to Jack. I feel as though I really need one month of just caring for me but that's because I haven't had a balance going on of regular small breaks. I just didn't realize how very hard it is trying to care for Jack and run the house as normally as possible whilst being so run down and ill with this disease. It is exhausting and draining and I was going down the proverbial. I was not in a good place but I do feel myself reaching up out of it now. It's not just the fact that Jack is not here, I must be fair, it's a culmination of things including that anddefinitely it is important to have time out, for him and for me. I believe he will come back a happier, more confident young boy with lots to talk about and some wonderful memories of an amazing trip with his dad.