Friday, 8 August 2008

So Precious...

Hello dear blog family - you are indeed so very precious too me. Thank you for all your thoughtful comments. They have meant so much to me. I have become less afraid, less alone, less confused and I know it is because I have felt as though you were all with me in spirit helping me to make this decision, wanting the very best possible for me and for Jack. I know this and trust it with all my heart. I have felt stronger since you all started commenting and/or sending emails. I do believe that being able to read your opinions and thoughts has helped normalize this enormous surgery for me. You have softened the 'shock' and made this seem doable, whilst still acknowledging how difficult it will be. You have given me courage by telling me you believe I am strong and brave, by just believing in me. Thank you so much, I guess we can all use reminding sometimes as it is so easy to get caught up in fear and anxiety and forget about our strengths and as a result - we just don't think clearly! Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for being my beautiful blogger family.

Now as far as the surgery is concerned I have decided to go through with it! The more I have thought about it, the more I realized that I would do anything to save Jack feeling the pain of losing his mother. He still needs me so very much, he's only 6 years old for Heaven's sake so losing me will absolutely devastate him as I am still his whole world. I realized as I thought it through that I was kidding myself thinking I had a choice. Anytime that someone can do something to prolong my life or save my life I would do it for Jack. I would cut off my arms and legs to save him, as mothers - that is what we do, we put our children first, it is the natural way of things. Jack and I have a very close bond. We just love being together, we adore each other and I honestly believe that losing me would be so, so dreadfully painful for Jack, I couldn't even possibly comprehend the pain he would feel but I would be willing to bet my surgery would be nothing compared to it. So I am going through with it, that doesn't mean I am not a tad
frightened?!? It is, after all, radical surgery! Nervous 2Oh, sorry but I have fallen for these cute smilies at the moment and you will notice them peppered throughout my posts for a while, until I get sick of them.

Okay sweet friends that is it for another post, I hope you are planning on supporting me throughout this surgery because I am going to NEED you big time. I will need all the prayers, comments, emails and just love and support. I know you'll be there for me, you have stuck by me through everything so far but this will be the biggest test for me I think. I am scared, I wouldn't be human if I wasn't but there is a small part of me that is managing to focus on the fact that I may actually be cancer free after this horrid surgery! Wouldn't that just be so wonderful? I hardly dare believe it but it would be a dream come true after 5-6 years of fighting to finally be rid of this invasive, aggressive tumor. On that fairly happy and positive note I will leave you for tonight. Hugs and much love, take care of yourselves and each other. (I must start up my gratitude bit again soon!)Kisses








39 comments:

  1. ok...well then tuesday it is...
    i'll be there...we'll ALL be there.
    i love you.

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  2. Oh, Jenni, you are the most wondrous and amazing person! I'm so glad you've come to a clear decision so soon. That is part of the brilliance of you. Of course, you're making the right one and my not so secret hope is that the doctors will discover they needn't do as much as they thought. But even if they do, it will be good and we'll have wondrous you in fine form. More importantly so will little Jack and Jamie. We are here for you, always. Sending love and good wishes. And please let us know if there's anything more we can do for you.

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  3. Dear Jen,

    That is awesome news....you have made your decision!! Of course I will be with you all through it! I can imagine how frightened you are.........but just know your virtual support system is here all around you! Thinking, praying and pulling for you Jen!

    Annie

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  4. Of course we will support you. Does this mean, dear Jen, that the surgeons said you were a good candidate? Sending love from somewhere out on the road!xoxo
    meg

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  5. Yeah Jen! And yes I will be there every single step of the way...the good and the bad of it all. That's what friends are for! Hugs Lisa L.

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  6. hi Jen, I usually don't leave a comment but I always read, and you are in my thoughts and prayers as you courageously go through this! I know that you are making all the right decisions and that you will continue to be strong for your boy. Hugs and blessings to you!!

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  7. finger, toes and spirit crossed, Jen. I keep sending you white light and healing energy.

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  8. Jen,
    I'm so relieved that you've decided to go through with it. Focus on the positive, cancer free, more time with Jack, etc. Don't focus on he negatives. You are going to do fine, you will be ok, you will be strong. It's going to be a big bump in your road of life, but once you get over the bump, each day will bring added strength and less pain. You will be in my prayers each night. God is good Jen....leave it all to him.
    Hugs,
    Rose

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  9. I am so happy to hear that you have decided to go ahead with the surgery. Someday, when you are with a much older Jack holding your grandchild, he will remember the sacrifice that you made for him. I will be praying for you and sending you groovy thoughts every day. I would like to send you a little something. Where should I send it?
    Love and God bless,
    Shaun
    www.roomswithaview.typepad.com

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  10. This is great news! I am so happy you decided to go ahead with the surgury as I am sure it will be the best thing for you and for Jack! We are sending you positive energy from Toronto!

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  11. Dear Jen
    Glad you have come to your decision - regardless of how radical it is, I think you are doing the right thing!!!
    God Bless
    Nicky from Canada

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  12. I'm a bit confused as to the details, but no problem. I just want to let you know that I'm here with the rest of your blog family praying for you and cheering you on!

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  13. Please let us know when your surgery is so that we can pray for and with you throughout. I think of you and Jack each day. Blessings.

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  14. Hi Jenni!
    The surgery is radical but it's a huge chance to finish with the cancer, so i'm with you as always, praying and sending love and care.
    The smilies are really cute! I like it a lot.
    Have a nice and peaceful weekend my dear!
    Love,
    Bete
    ;o)

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  15. Yes, Jen, we will be here with you, no matter what. I wish I could be there to support you in person, make you meals, take care of Jack, whatever you needed, but I'm a bit too far away!

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  16. I will be here every step of the way!
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  17. Jen,

    So glad you've made a decision - and I think it's a good one!

    Shall be hoping for you and thinking of you every step of the way.

    Have a lovely saturday!

    Becky
    (I did comment on previous post but my comment has been gobbled up...?)

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  18. Of course I'll be here! Pulling for you dearest. I'm glad you have decided.

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  19. Many, many blessings to you - from Minneapolis, Minnesota.

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  20. I have been sooooo bad about visiting you and I feel terrible about that!!! So now I'm catching up and I just wanted to make sure you know that I'm still here for you...always !!! Hugs sweetie, Beth

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  21. I am so very happy to hear you have made your decision and are settled in that way, and I wish you all the very best in this next step of your amazingly courageous journey.

    Warm Wishes,
    Linda @ Barefoot in the Park

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  22. Of course you're frightened. I'd be worried if you WEREN'T!!
    We'll be here Jen. You've done so much. You can do this too.

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  23. You've always got my thoughts, prayers, meditations, good energy, vibes, etc. coming your way Jen.

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  24. Your courage and spirit and deep love that shines through here never fails to touch me, and remind me of what is most important. Thank you, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  25. Bless you, bless you, bless you! The sooner, the better! Hope and pray this works for you!
    Ruthie

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  26. I'm new to this blog family - found it rhough Bridges - and want to add my support as you face this challenging surgery with hope of being cancer free. Peace and healing to you Jem, and hugs to Jack and your Mum.

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  27. the strength and courage you posses in your heart is amazing. I admire the love and honesty that comes across through your words. Sharing your journey with all of us in this honest and real way is inspiring and amazing. I light candles for you and wish the best for you and dear jack. May the surgery go well. you are in my thoughts dear one.

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  28. Sending you love and healing thoughts!!!

    I'll still be here, cheering you on every step of the way.

    BIG HUG!
    j

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  29. Huge decisions for sure. But, logical answers when speaking as a mom. It's true we would do anything for our children. I know the dread you feel as face this but keep telling yourself that everyday will get better. At first it will be hard to believe it but they will. Once you cross that bridge of healing and start feeling new again you will never regret your decision. And to possibly be cancer free? WOW. Can't wait to hear you share that news with us in a few months! Love.

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  30. You've been brought to mind many times since hearing your story and each time I have sent a small prayer in your direction. May you sense God's peace and comfort as you heal.

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  31. You are so brave and so strong...you WILL get through this. Sending love and hugs your way.

    xoxoxo

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  32. You are amazing. I would do the same for my son. Praying for you!

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  33. Jen,

    My best wishes with this radical surgery.

    --David (on the Charles River)

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  34. Yeah! Jen!
    That's a monumental decision, but one you are completely capable of living out. You've got your family, your friends, your blog family, and your doctors. With the faith of a mustard seed, you'll be ready to move those mountains! YOU CAN DO IT, JENSTER!!!
    BiG HuG & SmOOTch!
    kat

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  35. Your posting sounds so clear and confident. I would be scared, too, it's only human. Best of wishes for you.

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  36. I am sending you really happy and positive thouhgts! I am also praying for you and for your son. I admire your courage!!

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