Tuesday, 8 July 2008

I Am So Happy...

Hello my dear blog family. I really am so very happy lately which is just such a lovely feeling. There are moments though, when I am so frightened that my happiness will be just blown away like a wisp of cloud on the wind. This new found happiness of mine feels as fragile as that wisp of cloud in fact. However, I do try not to let those moments linger for long. I am lucky that I can get through them and send them on their way because I don't want to waste one moment of my happiness time on feelings that bring me down, not now anyway. I know I may have to deal with some very difficult times ahead and I may not have this feeling of happiness for long which is all the more reason to enjoy it and bask in it. Life can be so wonderful when you are healthy. I know I am, in fact, not healthy, but I feel great lately, I have some energy back, I do still get tired after doing things but then I simply take a rest, read a book, which is thoroughly enjoyable anyway, and then feel better. It's not that horrid tiredness where even if I do nothing and sleep for hours I still wake up tired. That kind of tiredness doesn't go away no matter how much rest and sleep you have, which is just so frustrating. No, this tired is much more satisfying. Even if I have only done small things, at least it's something and then when I rest or have a nap, I actually do feel better! It is just such a relief to enjoy things again and to feel happy again. I have a long road ahead of me and I am going to have to deal with a lot of feelings and emotions so I need this time to gather my strength ready for whichever road I must take in the not to distant future. By me feeling happy and enjoying this time I feel it strengthening me, I really needed this time to just be and enjoy the simple things. I believe this time is a gift, I am blessed with such a peace of mind and a deep, deep appreciation for it, especially after all I have been through, this is like a breath of fresh air.

Well yesterday as most of you know, was the day I went to Peter Mac's and had my exploratory surgery done. When I got there I was treated so well and so professionally, it was a pleasure. I found out that I would be having some biopsies taken so I was a little nervous as the last time I had that procedure done I only had one biopsy taken and I awoke in a lot of pain and a bunch of nurses who would only give me some panadol??? Anyway, after answering a bunch of questions several times over to each different person that was going to be taking care of me, I got dressed in the lovely white gown which I call the 'I see you' gown, get it ICU.....Yeah, ahem, moving right along, I also got lovely blue 'slippers', and lovely blue hair net and I was ready to be put under! The next thing I remember is waking up having the thing they put down your throat being taken out and it hurting. After that though, I woke up easily and felt fine so I got up and dressed. I felt only the smallest amount of pain which I believe is kudos to my gorgeous, literally ;), surgeon Craig. I think he was very careful and gentle with me and that is why I had minimal pain. It also showed me what a butcher my last surgeon was and to think I had let him do my big surgery, the bowel resection back in the early days of my cancer, honestly it makes me tremble to think of it, if only I had been in the wonderful care of Peter Mac. Anyway there is no point going there I guess, what's done is done and it doesn't do me any good to look back and wish things had been done differently. It's very difficult not to though, when something like that could have cost me my life! Still, I won't, I will stop it right now and just move forward and be extremely grateful that I am now in the hands of consummate professionals.

Yes, so having woken up feeling good and relatively pain free, I asked mum whether she fancied having an afternoon out at the shops which she was happy to do providing I was up to it. I was, so we went and we had a lovely time together. All in all it was quite a good day considering, then today I have been mostly resting as I probably did over do it a bit yesterday, I lost quite a bit of blood and was exhausted when I woke this morning, so I just had a very lazy day and I should be fine again by tomorrow. Thank you all so much for thinking of me and for your prayers for yesterday, I do so appreciate it and as soon as there is any news I will let you know. I don't know anything myself yet about yesterday's procedure. Take care my very special blogger family. Love from Jen xx


  1. Hey Jen!

    (First one here, yay me! ;) )

    I've been checking in on your blog hoping for some news that you're ok and that the surgery yesterday went well and I'm glad to hear that you're in such good spirits. You really are an amazing woman of strength and courage!

    Enjoy your evening and have a nice rest tomorrow.

    xxxxx Becky

  2. GLAD to hear youre in such good spirits and not in so much pain after the surgery.
    take care,rest and BE HAPPY!!!!
    you are in my thoughts and prayers-everyday!!!!


  3. Ahhhh... mostly pain-free and some energy. Yay you! Makes the whole world feel differently :) Keep enjoying every scrap of it Jen! We could all learn from you on this count, I think!

  4. I'm glad your surgery went so well. May you have many more days with energy...

  5. GOD IS AWESOME. So happy for your good news - I get strength from just reading your blog. You are a strong and beautiful person.

    Nancy (North Carolina, USA)

  6. heyah bubbles

    I am soo glad and am looking forward to hearing the results and next step in this process. I am not surprised you woke so well as you are alot stronger than you think!
    Glad you got to go shopping for a relaxing day with your mum, even if only window shopping it just has a way of taking away some of the everyday angst or pain.
    Love you heaps girl



  7. Hi Jenn,
    You are so right in not spending your precious time dwelling on the "what ifs"....they will do you no good now, well, except to steer other people in your situation away from the path you took when you were in a Probably very panicky time in your life and just said "Yes", to anybody who offered to get the cancer out of you.

    So Bravo to you in letting bygones be bygones.

    I am reveling in your happiness....can't you see my smile? I am going to have to email you a picture of it so you can see how full of joy I am for you! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy these days...you have earned them...take them as that gift you said they are and do whatever it is you want and have missed doing when you were in such great pain and agony. Make new memories, happy memories!!!

    Loving you through your blog,
    Ruthie from California

    P.S. Even though you are from the land "down under" I bet you are feeling like you are on TOP of the world!

  8. Dear Jenni—What wonderful news! And how perfect to enjoy the happiness and just be in the now. Your spirit is so bright and beautiful and now you have an excellent, caring doctor. It is all so good and good is coming from it, for sure! Keep smiling, Jenni! We are all smiling with you and sending you love and praying for you. That's how it is and isn't it amazing all this love and good energy that is coming from you and coming back to you, that is circling this planet because of you! Wow!

  9. how wonderful! I was thinking of you. I am glad that it went well and hope you hear the results soon. Shopping after the surgery? Good heavens, Girl! I'm so happy for ya!

  10. I'd been checking in anxiously for an update and found this today! I want to give the doctors at Peter Mac a big kiss for treating you with such healing skill and tenderness. Everyone deserves that, but especially you, Jenni B.

    Have a wonderful day, and take it easy, honey!

  11. I have been waiting to hear from you - so happy yesterday went well for you. You sound so positive and appreciative of life. You're amazing Jen. Such an inspiration.

  12. So happy you found a caring doctor. There is nothing worse than being at the mercy of someone in the medical field who doesn't care that you are a human too. Bless Dr. Peter Mac. And you.

  13. HOORAY!!! Applause! Applause! Your news sounds SO good to my Heart! So much so that you had me thinking that it was a "TipToe Through the Tulips" for you. (yes!! I know ... so TOTALLY before your time.) But this is the giddy delight that you having a hope-filled day gives me. Why? Because I love you.

  14. Dearest Jenni-
    I am feeling so overjoyed for how you are feeling. How wonderful that you are feeling so strong and well...How lovely that you were treated with such love and kindness. You are being called to such radical trust right now. I am so so happy for you and hope that your joy, energy and strength continues to build.
    Love you

  15. Jen,
    Have been waiting to hear the update and I sit here now and read with tears welling up in my eyes. Your positive, joyous spirit touches me as I can see you see life right now as it should be seen...all the beauty and wonder of it all. I must do more to be like that now, in my healthy state. Thank you for allowing me to read your life here and learn that.
    I'm also overjoyed at the care you are receiving. You deserve the best and it sounds as if you're getting it. And it doesn't hurt that the surgeon is a hottie now, does it?! :)
    Take care, be easy on yourself and know that I'm sending love and healing energy your way, as always.

  16. Jen. So glad things went well. Your right it does no good to look back or go there. Its done the past. But what you can do is look forward take it one day at time for now. Thats okay to:)
    I understand the fatigue thing to but you have been through so much. Its okay to rest and heal as well.
    I am glad you had great care that always helps us stay positive durning the wait.
    Please take care of you.
    Sending prayers and positive healing thoughts.

  17. Jen
    so glad it went well and that you had some quality time with your Mum!!! Always in our prayers.
    Nicky from Canada

  18. I'm sharing in your happiness and reflecting it right back to you.

  19. Jen,
    My words can't express how joyful I am to hear of your happiness and much-needed energy. You know, one of the strongest concepts I learned from reading, The Shack, last week is how our relationship with Christ should always be "in the present". Most of us live either in the past or the future. We can't change the past and our future is usually seen with anxiousness or fear because we have no control over it. (And we usually don't included Him in our plans.) Jesus wants us to walk with Him and HIS strength in the present time. It's SO HARD!!! I am so totally guilty of wanting independence from Him everyday. He doesn't blame us when we're His children. Such a GREAT BOOK! Makes you feel so good when you're done reading it. I could mail you a copy, if you give me your address! And it will be done with lots of love! Praying for a positive outcome! Hug and a Smootch!

  20. i thought of you all day yesterday, and stopped to pray for you throughout the day. please update as soon as you find out any news. God's love and grace is with you friend. glad to hear you had the strength to have an amazing day!!

  21. I am so pleased that it all went so well - the difference between the two surgeons is that those at Peter Mac really care. And if he is easy on the eyes its a bonus! You are stronger too which always helps.
    love and prayers
    K xx

  22. you are always in my thoughts and I feel lifted today by your happiness - thank you! am so glad you had a positive experience and hope you recover well. am so glad you are enjoying yourself x

  23. Dear Jen, I am so happy to hear about your encouraging news. I have been keeping you in my prayers. My cousin who lives in Canada and has cancer, asked me to tell you about a an immunologist at Mcgill university that she has been connected with, who gives free advice to cancer patients. She suggested astragalus and echinacea and vit c and n acetyl cysteine for her and she has been very lucky to have been infection free...The doctor says these are immune boosters and the first line of defense against bugs.

    Her name is Sandra Miller. My cousin says "she is amazing at answering anything...she really cares :) i would give her a huge prize for loving humanity cos she really is there for cancer patients and she also has a cancer diet she shares with patients". Her e-mail address is: sandra.miller@mcgill.ca

    So hope you can reach her and this is helpful. Sending you lots of love and light Jen.


  24. P.S. you can e-mail me at lifeartist2@gmail.com.

  25. Jen, so happy for you!!! WOW!! I know you said you didn't want to get ahead of yourself...but this is soooo exciting!! You just rest and take it easy (after shopping, of course). Also, so happy to read that you were treated like gold...which you so deserve!! Take Care.

  26. eh, can we get a picture of this doctor posted here please, ha.
    i love the picture you put up in black and white, is that you??
    so adorable.
    praying for you as always. love, muneera

  27. It's good to know you're now in the hands of "consummate professionals", it really is. My dear, always thinking of you and praying.

  28. I am glad that you are feeling well and everything went smoothly. Wishing you lots of ret and relaxation! :)

  29. so relieved to know you are doing so well and got through the surgery with minimal pain...i am just picturing that delightful looking doctor of yours...how wonderful to be in the care of a gentleman.

    have a beautiful day my sweet soul sister,

  30. I am happy your surgery went well.
    --A reader in California

  31. Jen,
    So glad to hear that your surgery at PM went well and that there was even a handsome m.d. to look at too, not all bad ;-)
    Gosh, I took a vacation and look what's happened - really happy hearing about all your good stuff - surgery and mood and the very best docs looking into options for you... that's fantastic!
    Keep up the good work!!
    Cate in Cal

  32. It is great to hear that things are going so well~ Thinking of you XXXX

  33. I'm so glad you're being well cared for, Jen, and that you've got a handsome doctor too! =P I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

  34. yes, take this time, seize it.
    REst up and fill your well.
    Gather your strength.
    give yourself over to the happiness.
    I am so happy for you, with you.