Hi everyone, well I am more than a bit annoyed today, there I was all organized ready to go to chemo, I had already missed one session last week when I was diagnosed with a nasty infection and put on very strong antibiotics so that is why I couldn't have my chemo last Tuesday, anyway I had still had the blood tests done as I must before every chemo and I asked the chemo nurse on the phone whether I would need to have another blood test closer to the time of my chemo the following Tuesday, she said that no it would be fine I wouldn't need another one unless the previous one was bad! Anyway I got to the chemo unit and got set up on the bed ( I have a bed so I can lie down), heat pillow on my veins ready to go when in comes my nurse and says that pharmacy won't give me the stuff until I have a more recent blood test. I asked my nurse whether my bloods from last week were bad and she said no they were great. Neither of us understood why it was an issue, so my nurse then phoned my oncologist who said I couldn't have the chemo because I hadn't seen him before it. Well that's his fault, his staff booked me in to see him this Friday because he had been away for sometime. Anyway bottom line no chemo for me which is such a very real problem in that the tumor grows so quickly and even a millimetre makes such a difference to my pain levels and yesterday I felt that nerve pain come back, not as severe as it has been in the past but there nonetheless and I was so very glad that I had chemo the next day, or so I thought. So here I am unable to get my treatment for another week now, tonight the nerve pain was back quite badly, badly enough for me to phone mum and say that if I had to go to Hospice could she come and be with Jack and get him to school tomorrow. Anyway thankfully it hasn't come to that yet and I do feel a lot better, (due to quite a lot of pain medication) still the pain medication barely touched it last time so that is a good sign, however I am very scared that it will get worse within a week. I just wish I could have had my treatment and get on with shrinking this darn thing. I think I need a new oncologist too, he has just shown me absolute disregard lately in many little ways and it is not good enough, if he felt the pain that I get in he wouldn't dare put off my chemo, in fact if it was him he'd be crying like a baby (sorry but I am very angry with him). I will start looking around for someone else as of tomorrow I think, I have just had enough.
Anyway sorry to be annoyed and pee'd off in this post but I needed to let off some steam and share my concerns and fears. Thanks for letting me and thanks for being there through all my ups and downs and happy and sads and all the yuck that goes with this disease. Take good care of yourselves and each other.
PS: That photo is of a scrap layout I did of Jack a while back. I am slowly starting to get back into it, I tidied up the shed/studio last week and got it back to my little haven as much as possible. It still needs adding to and some white furniture and some nicer storage but it does me just fine, it is such a lovely, calming place to walk into and work in (if you could call scrapbooking work). Okay, love you, bye for now J xxx