Saturday, 31 May 2008

Thank you All So Much...

Just a quick post to say thank you to all of you for supporting me through this horrid time. I so appreciate you wanting me to vent if that's what I need to do, it truly is so unique here in that you really all care so much and only want what's best for me. I knew that anyway, really I did, I just hate to be all doom and gloom, probably because it's not in my nature but you are right and I will 'keep it real' as that is why this was started in the first place not as a place to come and be uplifted. It was supposed to be the raw truth about the affects of this disease and yes, depression is part of it! I wouldn't be human I guess if I didn't get very down about it at times. Someone did remind me though to not let the cancer keep me from noticing the good in my life and that is such good advice. I don't want this cancer to completely take over who I am, as she pointed out 'you are not your cancer', wise words indeed and yes, there are still things to be grateful for and I am going to take a deep breathe and even though I don't feel one bit like being grateful right now, I am going to here goes (and thank you all for your prayers and love, I totally need them and appreciate all of you xx)

Things I am Grateful For Today...

All of you.

My Boys.

My Mum.


Hot water, heating, cooking (lol)

Good Kids Movies and Games (to keep Jack amused when I can't).

Pain killers (because without them I would be in even worse pain with defies thinking about as it is really bad with them.)


  1. I've been following your blog for awhile now. I live in Canada and have my own Jack about the same ages as yours. Thinking of you and hoping the pain abates soon. You are a very brave and special person and your boys are very lucky (and clearly know it). I really hope the return of the gas is the start of another happier time. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  2. Dearest Jenni—Every time you write to us you prove that you are so much more than the cancer. You are a truly beautiful and courageous spirit, a loving spirit, and we are blessed to know you. I am grateful to have found you. I cannot tell you what it means to have met you even in this way. Even in the midst of your pain you awaken such amazing love all around the world. And we send up prayers for you. May tomorrow be a better day.

  3. Dear sweet Jen, we all love you very much. I am praying for your strength and comfort.

  4. I'm a lurker on this blog because it leaves me speechless most days because of your bravery, your honesty and your pain. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

  5. Yes, you ar enot your cancer and the thing always find the light in life and shine with beauty.

    Thanks for being a guru to me.

    Be well, you are loved.

  6. Jen,
    I'm so happy to see you starting to shine again and I'm so very grateful to see your grateful list. Focus on that. Focus on the love. When everything else sucks, just focus on the love...

  7. You are not your cancer! What wise words. You are amazing and I thank your for sharing your journey with us.

  8. oh sweet Jen...I am so sorry to hear about these last few days. I am so sad to hear about the pain and the depression. It is not fair. I am here thinking of you, holding your hand. i love you.

  9. Jen you are so brave to find even more strength today. I have been a lurker too, meg has put words to my feelings - i want to come sit, listen, hold your hand , make your tea. i live interstate but damn it I am working on trying somehow!
    I hope tomorrow brings some smiles and a brighter spark xoxoxo

  10. Jen, you are human. And I know you are one STRONG LADY. women always are. that's why we are mothers.
    My prayers always. I hope you have a great day with your sons.

  11. You need more help my dear. Someone to cook for you, to take care of you, to clean for you, to make sure you're taking your meds properly. I don't know how you keep going. I would have taken to my bed months ago but I know the answer already. You don't have a choice in this. And someone has to take care of your son.

    Sending a hug.

  12. sweet jen,

    you are more than this are - always believe that to be your truth, because it is. jen is courage and beauty and strength and love and all things lovely....cancer is just one tiny spot in the greatness of who jen are too precious to us and to are loved jeni, you are sooo loved.

  13. Sending much love to you Jen and thinking of you!!
    love and hugs Tabitha XX

  14. Wish I could do more than be me so many miles away.

    Sending warmth, smiles and a release from pain.

  15. Jen,
    Just stopping in to let you know I'm thinking about you and praying for you. I don't always leave a comment, but I check in a lot to see how you are doing. You are truly amazing!

  16. Hi Jen,

    Sending you a big hug and hoping you get some type of relief soon!


  17. Jen, Your strength is inspiring - we are all fortunate to follow your struggle.

  18. Jen, My Darling, Precious, Heavenly Gift, Jen, I am overcome with this Love that has grown for You. Never in all of my years have I had the beautiful honor and pleasure of my entire Being indwelled by anyone more than You. You are a sacred and beloved part of me, and I am so very grateful to Life for the Gift of You in my Heart. As You hurt, I feel your hurt. As you are challenged by fear, I am compelled to stand between you and the Source of that Fear (if but in prayerful and Spiritual intercession.) Please know that not a day passes without you occupying my thoughts and care many times over.

    I Love You Jen Ballantyne! (And I am grateful for this Love.)

  19. I always feel that maybe words written don't have the same effect as words spoken but please Jen, know that I wish you well, always.

    Positive energy and good, healing thoughts are being sent your way, everyday.

    Blessed Be.

  20. Hi Jen, Thanks so much for the honesty in all of your posts. You are one of the strongest women I have ever known. I hope relief to this pain is in sight. I'll be praying for you.

  21. Hi Jen,

    I have been following your journey and I am just another anonymous soul who wants to send you postive energy to hopefully give you strength. Your graditude list is a reminder to me that there is always something to be thankful for even during the darkest times. You are not alone.

  22. Hi Jen

    No...thank YOU! For your the good times and the bad. Vent away. We're your friends and we care deeply, so don't worry about what you write. Just write for the heart. That's okay with us. I know I can speak for us all. We love YOU.


  23. I too have been following your blog for some time now. Please know that you are an inspiration to all of us that are reading about your journey. Your courage, strength and attitude speaks volumes. You are changing the way we all see the world through your words. Thank you for taking the time to share your spirit with us. The world is a better place "knowing" someone like you. God bless.

  24. Hang in there girl. You are doing amazing, even through the rough times. Always remember that - it is okay to feel the way you do, and better that you let it out, then create more added stress in your body!!!
    Lots of extra blessings coming your way!!
    Nicky from Canada

  25. Sweet Jennifer,
    I've been sending you reiki once a day, every day, since last saturday. It's a way of being with you and sending you some love and good vibration/energy. It's very comfortable for me to see all your blogger friends sending love to you and being present!
    Thinking of you,

  26. I love that you did this Jen! And as for venting, that's why we are all here, for you to pour out your heart knowing we love,love,love you!
    peace to your day sweet friend,
    love j

  27. You are the expert at this, the only one. There is no wrong way to feel or respond. I only wish that you could be free of torment. I only wish that I had the guts to take it away from you.

  28. You Vent Sister!!! And we'll Pray. Glad God put you in my path (or vice versa). I'm sorry that anyone should have to go through misery in the 21st Century!!! Just think of it like Pac Man. The chemo is eating up all the bad cells and you'll be stronger for that. Keep your thoughts on God and His Word that IS TRUTH to stay positive and focused on what is good. We're out here cheering you on!!!

  29. Sending you warm blessing and thoughts today
    Nicky from Canada

  30. Hi Jen, how are you. Just checking in to say hello and hope you are doing good. Is it hot there or what, bc it sure is warmer here.
    How are the boys? Did you do anything fun recently? I really want to buy a real nice kite and go kite flying.

  31. Jeni, Just checking in on you....I actually check every day, but today I am letting you know that I am checking in on you....don't want to look like a jeni-stalker or anything like that!

    Praying that you are comfortable and that your pain is being controlled and that you are able to spend time with Jack and Jamie.

    Ruthie from California

  32. Jen,
    I happened upon your blog while surfing art blogs. I thank you for sharing your journey. I think it's so healthy for you to vent blatantly and honestly here and let other's love and support you. Please know that God's heart is breaking for you and He will gather you up into His arms like the loving Father He is. This pain and suffering was not His plan for His creation. If you cry out to Him, He will hear you and come near to you. He also loves your children more than you can imagine even as a mother... and has a plan for their lives and will take care of them. Trust Him with your anxious, dark thoughts. I know all of this to be true, and wouldn't dare to trifle with you or your very real emotional state. May the God of Hope FILL you with all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in HIM, so that you may OVERFLOW with HOPE by the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT.
    I feel great love and compassion for you and have told my friends about your blog, and we're praying for you. Even Jesus prays for you when you don't know what to pray or have the strength! When it's bad, just breathe and whisper the name of Jesus.
    Trusting Him for you-
    You are a Pearl of Great Price to HIM and all of us.
    "Snuggle, don't struggle!" Corrie ten Boom
    Other readers: C.S. Lewis wrote that while his wife was suffering the pain of cancer, he prayed for God to let him take some of her pain, and it happened. What if we all did that for Jen?

  33. dear jen
    i send you white light and positive energy. And blessings and love

  34. Jen,

    I am so impressed with cathyb's response to you. She said what I've been simply struggling to say: that "you awaken such amazing love all around you. "

    That is exactly what you do.

    And those of us who come here to read your words and feel your sweet spirit, are blessed to know a woman of your depth, kindness, strength and realness.

    Love you.


  35. Hi Jen,
    Just checking back with you ~ to see how you are doing. I hope and pray that you are ok.
    sending you love and hugs from England.
    Take care my friend ~ Hugs ~ tabitha XXXXX

  36. Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and sending my love your way.

  37. Dear Jen, So sorry to hear you have been down and things (like the gas issue) have conspired to throw even more in your path. It bums me out so much that some out of control cells can slash through lives like they do. Lots of prayers and love winging their way to you, my friend. xx

  38. Hi Jen,
    Just checking in on you and sending you good wishes and prayers across the continents!
    Take good care...
    Cate in Cal

  39. Hoping today is better, pain free, and filled with joy.
    Hugs ~

  40. Jen, want to check in and let you know you are very often in my thoughts and prayers.

  41. Popping over to say hello and send hugs for the weekend.

  42. I check in on you every day. I wish there was a way someone could let us know how you are.

  43. Just letting you know that I'm thinking about you and sending lots of good vibes! Lisa

  44. hey Jen, just dropping in to say that I hope you are doing okay and that the effects of the chemo have abated somewhat. Have a lovely long weekend with your boys.