Friday, 23 May 2008

So Far Going Great...(Touch Wood)..

Yes I am so surprised to be doing as well as I am doing after chemo this week. I had it on Wednesday but yesterday and today (Friday) I still feel on top of it! Amazing as the last chemo I had knocked me so hard I almost couldn't get up again. I was literally on the couch and not even finding any comfort in doing that because even laying there still and not doing a thing, I ached, I had that awful 'twitchy legs' you know when you can't scratch them and they feel all restless, it's hard to explain unless you've had it and then you know exactly what it is, I was nauseas, just really tough and yucky.

Anyway, since I got home from chemo on Wednesday late afternoon and nearly sat down in the hallway and cried (remember my last post), I have gotten pro-active. I thought to myself, 'well there's no point crying over what you haven't got, or what hasn't happened.' I kept thinking how nice it would have been if my sisters and my Nana had perhaps popped in through the day while I was at chemo and just perhaps done a little ironing or tidied up, even just a little bit, you know what I mean? However, that didn't happen and I am not going to let it get me down anymore. So on Thursday when I got up and felt surprisingly well, I went with it, I was careful not to overdo it though because I have done that before too and learned my lesson. I started with doing a really good vacuum through the home and just doing that made a huge difference. Then I de-cluttered, which made another enormous difference. I had scrapbook stuff out on my kitchen table, the entire table was covered in art and craft stuff that I kept leaving out thinking I was going to be inspired to use it. Looking at a big mess like inspires nothing but depression LOL! So, I tidied it all away into a cabinet that I use for it at the moment. I also have visions of removing it all back out to my 'shed/studio', I set up my outdoor shed a long time ago, there is a blog post on it somewhere, I never know how people link back to their old posts (if someone wants to tell me I would be grateful) but somehow ended up bringing it all inside. I think it was when Jamie wasn't staying with me and I didn't like being way down in the back garden at night when Jack was in the house alone sleeping. Just in case I didn't hear him so I ended up back in the house with all the clutter. Anyway, it is gradually going back out to the 'Studio' which I am really happy about because I had it set up beautifully and as soon as you walked in there, you were greeted with such a sense of peace and calm. I loved being out there working on cards and pages and mini books etc.

Also got some more planting done, so I am feeling really great about that. My dear friend Lee came over last night and told me I had inspired her to get into vegetable growing too, so she got a hot house/green house (birthday present from her husband, her birthday is on Saturday), she got a compost bin, she went to a beautiful place we have on the Peninsula down here called 'Heronswood' where they grow the old fashioned seed that hasn't been hybridized (sp?), meaning they will grow true to form for many years to come rather than having to replace seed each year which is what a large part of the garden industry has had us doing to make more money for them. Anyway 'Heronswood' is magnificent gardens all grown organically, and environmentally friendly, they have a cafe where they use the garden produce in their cooking, they have a gorgeous original heritage house on the property where you take a tour, they have gardening expo's all sorts of wonderful things, so she went there and picked up all sorts of gorgeous, produce to grow in her own beautiful vegetable garden! I am so proud of her, it gives a special kind of pleasure growing your own veggie and now with the prices being what they are, it is worth it. Anyway, she and I will be able to swap what we grow, which is wonderful.

Anyway, suffice to say I have been rather productive and so very grateful because I really didn't expect to be after all that chemo so it is just a lovely bonus. Not to say it wont get me down in the next day or so, chemo can be like that but at least I have had a head start on getting things done and my home feels almost nice again! I have also been up earlier than both my boys and managed to cook them hot breakfasts and hot chocolates and yummy lunches for the day so I felt really great about that too.

I have had so much feedback from all of you regarding possibly moving to Warragul closer to Jacks Father. I think almost all of you agree that is a good idea and wonderful for Jack. You all agree with it as long as I can get the help I need. I think I can, I met for the first time with a 'support person' as he likes to call himself, he is actually a psychologist from Hospice who wanted to meet with me and see whether I would like to work with him, he is offering an ear and to help me with decision making, etc. I really liked him and he is checking out all about the Hospice and Palliative Care team up that way and also the chemo set up at the local Hospital up there, which is quite a large Hospital I believe and he says he thinks they have a good chemo set up. Anyway, it is nice of him to do this and will just help me to feel a bit better about knowing what is available to me. I know Jack will be thr illed to be near his Daddy and it will be so much easier for him in the end when it is time for me to leave him but I need to be taken care of too or it won't work out. I do know that seeing him thrive will help me endlessly and with David helping with Jack that will lighten my load considerably as well as give Jack and David much needed bonding time again. I have yet to speak to David about this so that is the next step in the plan and a fairly important one I suppose! Once I have done that, and I truly do expect him to be on board with it - I will consider it a done deal, it is just a matter of when to move. Of course there is also the little matter of whether I am applicable for that huge surgery that I mentioned in one of my previous posts (gosh I have to learn how to link back), if I do end up having and taking that option then I will probably need to stay down here until I am completely recovered as it is based in Melbourne and I will need Mum in terms of Rehab etc. Anyway, mostly I want to thank you all for taking the time to consider this for me and then getting back to me on it with such very valid thoughts and questions and opinions and most of all love and care for me. Honestly, you are the most beautiful bunch of people you could ever wish to know, I love you all and honestly don't know what I would do without your cheerful emails and comments, they fill my day with smiles and happiness really they do. I just wish I could get back to you all individually more often, I try I really do but sometimes there are just so many and I know you all wouldn't want me missing out on spending time with Jack or doing anything that could help us keep on top over here, so I try to stay as balanced as possible. I do get back to quite a few of you, so if I haven't gotten back to you yet, hang in there because I definitely will, I am just not sure when. I still need and notice every single comment and email though and I keep all the emails. Jack may want them one day, I can print them out into a book or onto a disk for him to keep and see how wonderful you all were to me and him as well. So truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Best I get off this computer for now and go and wake my boys for their breakfasts and help them get off to a great day, these are things I love doing because when I am not well, I can't do that sort of thing in the morning, so I love to do it now and I love how we all leave the house so cheerful and warmed by being home together for that couple of hours in the morning. Starting off our day filled with not only a warm brekky but warmed by love of each other too! Good Stuff, I tell ya...Love to you all, and take care of yourselves and each other.

Things I am Grateful For Today:

Being up and able to cook breakfast for my boys.

Being well enough to potter around my home and take care of it and make it a nurturing space.

Having you all to talk to first thing in the morning.

My dear friend Lee for popping in to see me every week regardless of what she has on.

My dear friend Lee for wanting to take Jack and I out every second weekend to help us have quality time and build up memories.

A roof over our heads, food in the cupboards, warm coats when it's cold.

The lovely possibility of us soon getting a dog, perhaps a puppy or perhaps an older dog that no one wants. Soon I think, very soon, we all have a longing for a dog to lavish our affection on, they give you back so much in return. It has taken my a while to get over the loss of my cat but I am ready, my heart is ready to give love to another animal and to receive it too. xxx

I also want to shout out to Cathy Bennett, Cathy thank you so much for your lovely supportive emails to me lately, you have been a source of strength and hope and made such a difference to my days, so thank you my darling.

Also, Beth, the 'superhero' necklace, I just adore it, I am wearing it now, in fact I haven't taken it off since I got it. What a thoughtful gesture that was, I thank you so very much, it really means so much to me and it is something tangible from this blogging world, just makes it even more lovely. I am so blessed to have you as a friend, thank you my dear, so very much. Love and Hugs to you. xxx You can read Beths beautiful blog at www.moredoors.blogspot.com.

I have to take quite a few photos soon, I have promised a photo of me wearing the gorgeous pajamas Bella sent to me, so I must get that done soon, I would also like to take some of me wearing the sweet hats and scarf that Meg made me, the necklace from Beth, oooh I hope I haven't forgotten anything. Anyway, I will get onto it, I am not in the best mood for taking photos of myself actually because I am so puffy and bloated from all the pain medications and chemo drugs. I know I am too because Lee and my Mum who will be honest, tell me my face is huge and puffy, it is unfortunate but there is not room for vanity here anyway as I am keeping it real. If I can post a shot of me wearing my 'bag' I can certainly allow you to see the affects of pain medications and chemo, although I still have my hair, so far so good. It is coming out but very slowly at the moment, I have such a lot of hair so I think it may take a while. Anyway, I will get on with it soon and post them for you.

Oh I know who else I wanted to thank, Sarah Wendt, thank you so much for your caring email. I was so touched that you put in the time to think about Jack and I so much and so kindly. You really put your heart and thoughts on the line and I totally agree with you in every area you touched on. Thank you my friend, much appreciated.

Okay, I am pretty sure that is it for this time, if I have missed anyone I will post on it next time. This has ended up being a pretty long and probably very boring post, I am sorry to those of you who are still here reading on loyally. I must have the chats this morning. Okay off I go, really this time. Love to you all again. xxx

35 comments:

  1. De-cluttering creates peace - today is my day off and the first thing I now do is empty the living areas of everyone's "bits", do the dishes, vacuum - and then I feel calm. I had to do that with my scrapbooking things last night too - I think they are hiding my mojo.
    A dog would be a great idea for Jack - a confidant when he needs one. And a big ball of love and licks!
    Enjoy your day!
    love and hugs
    K xx

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  2. SO glad that you've been feeling good enough to potter around :) Quality time... that's a huge answer to prayer.

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  3. Music to my ears... what wonderful news and to know that today you are feeling well enough to putter and to enjoy the simplicity of breakfast with your precious boys.

    Our prayers are lifted up everyday on your behalf!

    Ruthie from california

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  4. I know, it's great isn't it Karen, I love the peace and that's what I need when I feel yucky and all out of control. I'm glad you like the idea of a dog for Jack I think he is the perfect age for one. Jamie has promised faithfully to walk it everyday and to take it to training and just help in general so I will hold him to that! Nice to talk with you my friend. Enjoy your day too, picking up everything, it does make you feel more like scrapping when everything is neat and tidy doesn't it? Hugs xxx

    Wilsonian, thanks for your comment too, it is indeed a huge answer to prayer to be able to potter around and do what I fancy, such a LOVELY feeling. I will absolutely revel in it while it lasts. Thanks sweetie for your continued support Hugs xxx

    PS: Not sure why that pink writing is so big, it's not meant to be but it won't let me shrink it, I've been having a few probs with blogger lately.

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  5. So glad to hear that you're going well with the chemo,Jen. And you're right about a bit of a clean-up - it can really cheer things up. (altho - saying that - I really wish you had someone to help you out a bit more right now!!!)If I lived closer I'd come over and ...um...show you how poor my cleaning skillz are. Um, on second thoughts....I could make you a nice cup of tea??

    hope you continue to feel good.

    becky xx

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  6. Jen, it's so lovely to see you feeling well in yourself and able to do those "ordinary" things that you've been missing out on. This post is wonderful, and I hope that feeling lasts for you.

    I'll attempt a mini-tutorial on how to link to your individual posts: Go to the post you want to link to. At the bottom, beside the comments link, there's the time of the post (the time of this post is 6.39, I think). Click on the time and you'll be brought to the page with the permalink to that post. Copy the URL from the address bar at the top of your page, and then in your blog-post link to that URL as you would if you were linking to any other web-page. Does that make sense? If not, get back to me. I'm no expert, but it's one of the things I do manage to do on my blog.

    Best to you! Imelda

    Oh... and I think a dog is a wonderful idea - for Jack, for Jamie, and for you!

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  7. So glad you're feeling well and able to do those little jobs around the house - they really can cheer one up, can't they? Hugs to you for continued good feelings....

    Ginny

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  8. Sounds good.

    Something I can help you with.

    Linking to other posts in your blog.

    1. Open two tabs - have one with your "New Post", the other at "Manage Posts".

    2. Type away happily on your "New Post" until you have that I have an old post I want to reference feeling.

    3. Go to your "Manage Posts" tab and use the search to find the post you want.

    4. On the hyperlink to view, right click and Copy Link Location

    5. In your "New Post", highlight the words that you want your link to be on and click on the insert link icon at the top. Paste the link.

    voila

    I know what you mean about seeing unfinished projects hoping for inspiration and finding instead frustration.

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  9. i swear you are one of the most amazing people I know..

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  10. Gosh, it's wonderful to "hear" the happiness in your words. I'm so glad you're feeling good and getting lots done. That's exciting news that you're planning to get a dog. I can't imagine life without our Miss Daisy.

    Hugs!
    Kat

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  11. Jen,
    So happy you're cruising along nicely - keep up the good work!!

    Happy Birthday to Lee, she's a treasure of a person and I hope she has a magical day. I'm coveting the composter and veggie garden.

    Funny that you mention a dog... my folks just got one tonight as an unexpected treat for themselves. A little boy Shih Tzu maybe named Murphy... they say he's really shy and how I wish he had someone like Jack to hang out with (altho my folks are lovely, too but not kids anymore!). I vote yes!

    Have a great weekend and continued good things to you...
    Cheers,
    Cate in Cal

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  12. Hi Jenni! So glad you are feeling well! I love what happens when I clear space too. A dog sounds like fun. They make me laugh anyway and laughing is one fine thing. Also so admire the logical, caring way in which you are exploring a possible move. And love the garden too—so healing! Thanks for your shout out—you are such a sweetheart and it is nothing but pleasure knowing you! Have a wondrous day. Love and big hugs— Cathy

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  13. oh this is so wonderful, that you are feeling more energy and chemo didn't completely wipe you out this go around.
    Sometimes just getting things picked up can create a feeling of order from chaos and really does help with mental space as well.
    And it makes me happy that you are here, present for it all, choosing to be so alive in your life.
    I learn so much from you.
    I love you,
    bella

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  14. Jen, I am so pleased that you are feeling a bit better after this chemo and are able to do things that make you happy.
    Thinking of you and sending much love ~ Tabitha XXX

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  15. I think about you a lot these days. I wonder about you and your little guy.
    We have 3 dogs--they help me get moving since they need to go out! I was pleased to donate a piece for your auction. Take care.

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  16. I am so happy to hear that you had some energy and felt well enough to putter around your house and do some things for your boys! I am sure it did enormous things for your mental health and your general well-being.

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  17. Jen, I'm so happy to read that you are having some good days. I know you treasure every minute with your boys. I feel so proud to know you even though it is just though your blog.

    You keep feeling better, and I'll keep praying. We're all on your team.

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  18. I'm so glad you're feeling good. I rejoice with you in this blessing! And you've inspired me to stop whining and clean up my own home. :)

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  19. Hi there Sweet Breath of Loving! (Yes!! That is exactly how you make me want to address You ... Deal with it!! [grin]) I am so jubilant because I am celebrating Life's Gift to you of a few days of less discomfort. This is, My Darling Jen, an answer to prayers and loving concern. and I will celebrate each and every such blessing that we are given. Right?!

    I sent a bit of an instruction on linking. I do hope that it is of use.

    I love and adore every aspect of your wonderful Person.

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  20. i am so happy to read that you are feeling so good after this round. you deserve to have every moment be as bright as the sunshine my sweet friend.

    praying for you daily,
    hugs
    s

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  21. jen i'm so glad that you are feeling well. it's amazing how wonderful a clean house can make you feel.

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  22. When I started reading your post I thought, it seems awful to be spending your time doing mundane things like housework. But then I started thinking about it some more and I realized, that it's those small, boring tasks that give structure to our lives, and they feel normal. Not only that, I know when I've cleaned the kitchen up, I feel a huge amount of satisfaction.

    I shouldn't sneer at doing normal things, the things we dislike because we do them so often. I've been away for two weeks and it was so wonderful to come home and do something as normal as tidy up. Made me feel grounded again.

    So thank you for reminding me of that Jen. Take care sweetie. I thought of you often while I was away and I'm so glad to read that you're okay.

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  23. do hope that you find peace in the middle of your storms. May Jesus be strongly sitting in your boat and may you be able to deal with the nerve pain and other discomforts that you face as well. scott
    www.scottrdavis.blogspot.com

    '

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  24. visiting over from Biscotti Brain. Funny how you didn't mean the pink letters to be big--I loved them that way and thought, oh, I need to be more thankful.

    A dear friend went through chemo many years ago and she would call me when she felt wretched. My boss is going through radiation right now and we were all so grateful she didn't have to do chemo--I'm glad you are feeling well enough to do things.

    Stories--we pass them from person to person and though they seem to have little significance, or we think they do, they have a lot. I dunno. I like the name of your blog.

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  25. Glad to hear that you are feeling well and the last chemo treatment didn't hit you so hard.
    Enjoy
    Nicky from Canada

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  26. Hi Jen,

    Checking in. I think of you & Jack often. Hope the chemo continues to go well, and your move is an easy and simple one for you both.

    xoxo

    k.

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  27. Housework help us grounding and it's part of our lives. I enjoy housework because it mentally helps me and I feel myself active. I need it.
    Take care sweet Jenni. Good energy!
    Sending love and care,
    Bete

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  28. Housework help us grounding and it's part of our lives. I enjoy housework because it mentally helps me and I feel myself active. I need it.
    Take care sweet Jenni. Good energy!
    Sending love and care,
    Bete

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  29. Hi Jen, how are you. Hope you are doing good and the weather is cooperating with you. How are your kids? Today was hot and sunny and then bam - lightning and thunderstorms. The other day I saw a rainbow, real low to the ground and it was the most brilliant I've ever seen. I squealed with delight only to have my cynical friend on the phone say, "are you retarded?"
    I said you are not seeing what I'm seeing. you could see all the colors so brilliantly.
    I wanted to check in on you and share that bc i know you would appreciate a rainbow sighting!

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  30. Gosh...it's soooo great to hear that you are feeling good. {Personally I think it's the super hero necklace giving you super hero strength...we can think that way right ??}

    And as far as de-cluttering...I always feel like my head is clear and awake and refreshed after I de-clutter anything..even something simple like a silverware drawer in the kitchen, or my hand bags on my closet shelf....just a little bit can make such a difference.

    I'm so glad you are feeling well enough to do what you want to do !!

    Hugs and prayers to you my dear friend...beth

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  31. He Jen,
    Just popping in to say Hi and hope that you are having a good day. Waiting for your next post!
    Ruthie

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  32. Never boring and a THRILL to read that you were feeling a lot stronger.
    You've got so much going on I'm not surprised you are having trouble making those big decisions. I would be too.
    Take care of yourself sweetie
    Love and hugs
    Wx

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  33. Just checking back in to say I hope you're still feeling well, and occupied with pleasant things. Thinking of you.

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  34. wow, i think you may be the most amazing person i've ever encountered. so inspiring. i'm reading this post and just thinking to myself, "where does she get this energy?"

    you make me want to be a better person.

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  35. Hope you're still feeling great Jen!!

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