Friday, 16 May 2008

Sharing the Love...

Hi there, I know it's been a while and I haven't even been in Hospice so I don't have a really great excuse! It's just been a busy week trying to get things organized. Unfortunately, I felt like every time I tried to get something done something stopped me, or got in the way, the day just flew by so fast and before I would know it, afternoon would be turning to evening and then night would fall and I still needed to get all the things done that I'd promised myself I would do! I know part of the problem of time for me is the medication I'm on. It is taking it's toll I'm afraid. It's never been a 'nice' medicine to be on but when you have a cancer like mine and cancer pain like mine you can't afford to be on the more harmless medications. This one is particularly brutal when you've been on it for a while as I have. Some of the side affects are, sleeplessness, hallucinations, nausea, problems with teeth particularly with the enamel surface, losing sense of time, falling asleep suddenly whenever and wherever, forgetfulness - you can literally lose track of time and space, strong cravings- like sweet things, coffee, whatever, it can be anything, a bit like when you're pregnant, I even craved pickles the other night and ate an entire jar of them. There are also many other symptoms that are less dramatic but I wont go into those right now. Anyway, in spite of all the nasty side affects, I can't go the medication as the pain is still too great. I have, of course, discussed all of this with my Pain Specialist and he believes I must stay on it at least for a while longer anyway. Well the hallucination part at least, I hadn't had to deal with until a couple nights ago that is! I am almost embarrassed to tell you what I did but here goes. I was up quite late about 3 or 4am and I couldn't sleep so thought I would just make myself a cup of coffee. That was fine, I was over at the bench putting coffee in my cup and sugar, poring the boiling water in and so far so good, it was only after I finished putting the water in that my brain kind of went a bit strange, I looked down at my coffee, which I always take black, thought to myself, oh Jen, Lee takes milk in her coffee you duffer, swung around and went to the fridge, grabbed the milk, poured it into the coffee, stirred it in, carried it over to the kitchen table and set it down for Lee. Then I snapped out of it, looked down at this coffee and actually got the giggles as I realized that Lee wasn't here and hadn't even been here at all since a few nights previously. Anyway that was it, I was fine again with moments but definitely left feeling a little foolish and also a bit shaken. I waited till morning and phoned my Pain Specialist and told him about it, he laughed and told me I was mad but we all knew that anyway! Ha ha, ha, not funny, I said. Anyway he said it was nothing to worry about it, classic symptoms of the medication I have been on , this is what happens after a while, same with the sleeping problems and there is nothing I can do about it.

So there you have it, kind of worrying although as my Doctor said, quite harmless! I was thinking if I have to hallucinate it could be something really fun, like going to a beautiful river, or waterfall or something, maybe a bit of a holiday in Hawaii! lol!

Okay, on a different not for a moment, I wanted to share with you this gorgeous card I received in the mail yesterday from one of my blogger friends, Lin in England, I just thought what it said was particularly lovely so why not share it? Here goes:

A bowl of ripe fruit that stays that way until you're ready to eat it.
I send you a flannel nightgown that brushes the floor, and a paintbrush that whispers to you what to paint...

I send you a path in the woods that leads
to a gate, which leads to the sea,

then a carpet of moss and a tea party all set up! You're the first guest to arrive.

I send you visions of ladders
to the new places in your soul,
and slides that lead out of the negative slots. I send you knowledge
of your resilience and fortitude

The end.

Isn't that just gorgeous, I adored it as soon as I read it, so whimsical. Thank you so much Lin, if you are reading this, it was just gorgeous. Also as I opened it, a whole lot of tiny glittery flowers fell out of the card which I loved, they were just so very pretty. Anyway, it made my day my sweetheart and I appreciate it very much.

Now, what else? I feel as though I have so much to share with you but can't think just now what it may be about. I think I will sign off here and come back again sometime today with more. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Things I'm Grateful For Today...

I have the house to myself for the weekend and although I will miss Jack it will do me good to have some 'me' time.

It is raining and we really need it, so that is wonderful...

I have just started a wonderful vegetable garden on my porch, which captures all the sun and Jack and I planted it out (not quite finished) and we had such fun.

My friend Lee, my Mum, my blogger friends and other friends too, everyone that cares about me and gives me a hand during this rough time...

I had a couple of days out of the past week where I wasn't too bad and I was able to get out of the house under my own steam and do my own shopping, buy Jack a couple of fun things and choose them with him, such fun...

What are you grateful for today?


  1. Well, first of all I am grateful to come here and see your new post.

    Don't worry about some of the medication side effects. I think you are handling everything quite admirably. Are you on oral pain medications, or do you use a patch?

    I hope you enjoy your me time. We all need it sometimes. I try to enjoy mine even though it comes in very short increments.

  2. Hope you have a lovely and painfree weekend Jen! And hallucination free, too. (although if you have to hallucinate I hope they're happy, funny ones, that give you more giggles)


  3. Glad to hear you're doing all right...stinks about the meds, but if they keep you out of pain, then it's worth it, right?

    Hugs to you, enjoy your weekend alone..sounds blissful!

  4. yeaa, i made it on the widget on the side -i'm famous.

    eh, i hallucinate all the time. i always see money in my purse ha. seriously, i am one of those people who would be thinking, ok, i'm crazy and get anxiety. so i'm proud that you are taking this all with humor. a trip to hawaii would be nice, maybe i can send you there with the money i keep seeing.

    i am thankful for having an income in these tough times even though have no money to spend right now. my children and that my adopted daughter is graduating from high school despite many tough love moments. and angry moments.

    i am thankful for people who have been there for me. without them, it would be a lonely life. i am thankful for the heart God gave me bc it weeps and it weeps often and i wouldn't have it any other way.

  5. Have a wonderful relaxing weekend, Jen! So great about your porch garden. Hope you can sit in the sunshine, smile and admire it! Love your great spirit!!! xoxo

  6. oh bless you. i hope those side effects are not too troublesome. my sister was on some medications several years ago after a car accident that were causing her to hallucinate. those were always really disturbing to her...even more than the pain sometimes because it was so disorienting. she did manage to laugh every now and then about them.

    thanks for letting us know how you're doing jen. no apologies or anything like that necessary. much love to you.

  7. I'm grateful that my parents' plane landed safely; that I had a nice day with my husband on his birthday; that I get to spend the day with a friend tomorrow; that you shared the words from that lovely card; that it's time for bed. Love and blessings to you.

  8. I am grateful that you have and the boys have each got some "me" time this weekend - everyone needs time out.

    I am grateful that we have finally got a decent burst of rain -even if I have spent the whole day driving around in it.

    Have a peaceful weekend.

    Love and prayers
    K xx

  9. I noticed your link to freerice and I thought I would let you know of another great charity site which is It donates money to children in need through World Vision.

    Check it out at

  10. Hi Jen!
    Wishing you a relaxing weekend, your vegetable garden sounds lovely. Don't worry about the meds, if it helps your pain that's all that matters.
    PS - Keeping you in my prayers.

  11. Hope you do manage to relax over the weekend..I am grateful that you are well and that your pain is under control.
    Your vegetable garden sounds lovely, you will have to take photos, so we can all see.
    Take care my friend,
    Thinking of you today and always,
    love and hugs, Tabitha XX

  12. Oh Jen, I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I'm keeping you in my prayers so that you will be feeling better.

    I also have to take pain meds and have one that make you have hallucinations. At first I thought I was going crazy.

    I woke up one night and saw a balloon in front of me. I even hit it. I got up and went to the bathroom and wondered where in the world did a balloon come from. When I went back to bed the balloon was still there.

    In the morning it wasn't there. I thought I must have been dreaming.

    The next night I saw a red and silver thing hanging over my clock. I knew it wasn't really there. That's when I knew it was the meds.

    Every once in awhile I still see things but I know it's not real. So I don't worry.

    It is strange though when it happens so I understand.

    I hope you have a great weekend and get lots of rest.

    Hugs to you,

  13. Hi there, You adorable YOU! I'll have you know that You just lifted me up out of the effects of one of the most overwhelming depression episodes that I have dealt with for a long time (something that is chronic and has been my "companion" for my entire life.)

    I realized that I had been so caught up in "Details" that I had not allowed my Self the joy of being in your presence for a couple of days. And You, My Darling Gift of Heaven, erased every effect of all of the "stuff" that life had dumped on my doorstep today. I want you to know that you do that! You ministered to my Soul.

    Thank You, My Precious Jen! I do Love you so!

  14. I'm gREATful for YOU! and greatful that the card made your day....keep your eye on the post...more arriving...:-)

    And I'm just thinkning...maybe I should send you a card every week for the rest of our make our day every small ways...and BIG ones ( careful when you open them!)...

    YES!!!! i'm greatful for fun this one of sending you a card every week foras long as i know you...i'm greatful for the post office...and aeroplanes! yes!!!!

    and rain....and feeling better and more energized days...and LOVE! bubbling over love!

    Big hug to you, and my love xx