Monday, 21 April 2008

Risky Business...

I am going back into Hospice in the morning! This is the plan for now. Jacks Dad will take more time off of work and come here to be with him. Jack is full of a nasty cold, cough and sore throat so he really wants to be with me as do all children when they are less than 100 per cent well. It breaks my heart to go again but I am just not managing at home. The pain is breaking through far too often. The District Nurses have let me down terribly in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, I wish the few that were so bad didn't ruin it for the ones that are so good but I cannot keep silent about it. It scares me for elderly people, for vulnerable people who perhaps cannot speak up for what they need. They have sorely tested me, I have been in a very vulnerable position myself but not as vulnerable as say an elderly person who perhaps hasn't even got the strength to speak up. The nurses that have been wonderful have been thin on the ground, as is often the way. Finally this Monday morning, I got a wonderful Nurse who it turns out is in charge of the rest, thankfully she came in and fixed up the devastation left behind by these other completely inept persons. She was less than happy with what she found and that was before I even told her anything. She could tell by the way the syringes has been made up incorrectly, by the lack of labeling, the lack of proper sterilization, the complete lack of care. Now that is bad enough but it was all done with such total rudeness and arrogance that it really just took my breath away. I honestly fear for those weaker than I and more vulnerable than I. It is a system than needs serious cleaning out. The Nurses that were helpful were absolutely wonderful there is no doubt about that but unfortunately, they were not the norm. Anyway I wont go into everything that they did so incompetently because it would bore the socks off you but just a quick idea are things like, not putting the correct amount of medication into the syringe so that when I would go to top up my tube, it would just spill out the sides and never make it under my skin. They left the syringes with the incorrect amount of drug in them open and therefore not sterile. They neglected to show me the correct way to draw up a syringe for when I needed it in the night even though they had very direct orders from the Doctor to do so. They were rude, arrogant and absolutely disgraceful. I have asked not to have them in my home again as I don't believe any human being should be treated the way they treated me, let alone someone vulnerable and unwell. Honestly, if I get well again, I am going to look into these sorts of things and fight for people that can't speak up or that are just too vulnerable. It truly breaks my heart to think of them being treated so poorly and perhaps not even realizing that there are better ways and they are suffering needlessly. What kind of world are we living in? Thankfully I also see the absolute beauty humanity is capable of giving, I think this is what has got me through the past few days as without it I would be in total despair I believe. It is not in my nature to want to acknowledge the negative and ugly things in this world, I much prefer to focus on the good, the beautiful, the righteous, etc but I cannot in good faith stay silent simply because these issues are unpleasant. I will speak out again and again, as long as I am able too. I don't know whether it will do any good at all but I pray that it will. I am asking God how I may be used to help. Put me to use while I am still alive, if I can speak the truth for folks that can't, then so be it, if I have to suffer in order to help others then I am up for it, I feel very passionately about this. There is too much needless suffering in this world. Too much. We must not tolerate ego in the world of healing and health and helping those that are vulnerable. There is no room for ego in this area, there needs to be zero tolerance, absolute zero tolerance. The sick of the world are already suffering beyond what healthy people can imagine, they do not deserve to have any more suffering added to their already considerable load. People that take on the responsibility to help those in need should take their position so very seriously, it should be viewed as so much more than a job, it should be viewed as a calling. I don't know how we go about weeding out all those that place themselves in this industry with anything less than a true heart and a true purpose in wanting to help those that suffer, but I do know that everything begins by taking a step at a time, just putting one foot in front of the other and not giving up.

38 comments:

  1. Thanks for this post, Jen. I just can't relate or comprehend those who are not empathetic to others pain. I choose to believe that they in turn are not treated well by their superiors, spouses or parents.I'm so glad you are blogging your experience. Not only are you getting the word out about what you've been dealing with in the medical community - but you are also drawing in healers across the planet. Those whose calling is to simply love and heal. As always, my friend, I am sending healing thoughts to you and your precious sons.

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  2. Oh, Jen. Your passion, determination, and fierce-yet-gentle spirit inspire me. To be a voice for those who have no voice is such a gift. What a blessing that you're using yours in whatever way you can.

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  3. I just can't imagine anyone could ever treat another human being with disrespect and rudeness knowing the other person is dependent on them. they probably do not see their work as being of service to other people, but just as another job. i hope you do speak up. here in the US, i've never met a nurse i didn't like, but there are ones out there that are not nice.
    thinking of you.

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  4. I just can't imagine anyone could ever treat another human being with disrespect and rudeness knowing the other person is dependent on them. they probably do not see their work as being of service to other people, but just as another job. i hope you do speak up. here in the US, i've never met a nurse i didn't like, but there are ones out there that are not nice.
    thinking of you.

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  5. You are so strong. I am in awe of your determination and focus.

    Thank you for sharing your life story with us.

    Always thinking of you and praying for continued strength and healing; sending lots and lots of LOVE your way,
    j

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  6. oh dear, i'm so terribly sad that you've been treated this way. on the other hand, i'm glad that you feel able to defend yourself and speak up. you're right, so many don't feel able to do this and are much more vulnerable than you. you're helping them, you know. your voice will likely spare the weaker and more vulnerable from this kind of treatment. bless you jen. i hope that your stay in hospice is short and you're quickly able to return home to your son.

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  7. It makes me very angry that there is such total disregard by those nurses of correct procedures - let along their lack of "bedside" manner. I am glad this was seen by their supervisor and I hope she actually does something about it. There are so many out there who cannot speak up for themselves, especially the elderly. Jack has a cold but will be fine with his dad - and you will be better in Hospice getting your pain under control and resting so that when you are well I can cme and have that cuppa with you.
    Love and prayers
    K xx

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  8. Jen, I'm sorry to hear you're having to return to Hospice, especially when Jack's under par, but hopefully it won't be for too long. As for your experience(s) with those nurses... how on earth do they view their work, if not as a calling to serve those in need of care? Your concern for the elderly and those who are not able to speak up for themselves shows your truly loving heart. My prayers are with you.

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  9. Gosh Jen, you said it so eloquently about how no one should be treated that way by the horrid nurses. I'm sorry you had your experiences with them but I'm glad that their supervisor now knows and that they will not be allowed back into your home. You have indeed saved someone less able to speak up for themselves, I'm sure!
    Take good care in Hospice and all my best to Jack, too, in that he gets well soon.
    Sending you good thoughts and prayers as always,
    Cate in Cal

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  10. Thanks for speaking for those who can't. As I have said before you are an amazingly strong and compassonate person, whose writing is always inspiring. I hope both you and Jack get better soon!
    As always thing of you from Toronto.

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  11. BRA-VO !!! You go girl!!! You will be used mightily; that, I am sure of. Hopefully you will be back home soon and feeling better. I will keep checking to find out how your stay and chemo went....still scheduled for Wednesday, right?
    I am praying that the tumor shrinks and the pain subsides.
    Ruthie

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  12. Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that things are so bad. It saddens me to hear of nurses that are incompetent and worries me even more to hear of a system that allows incompetent nurses to practice.

    Then the hospice is the safest place right now. Sending you good thoughts and my prayers. Take care sweetie.

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  13. You're absolutely right Jen. Unffortunatelly it happens throughout the world in hospitals and with nurse staff. Some people have told me about the lack of humanity nurse staff have, it was told me once by a nurse, but she is the type of a kind person and nurse.
    It is necessary to put black in white as you so powerfully do. There are many people suffering in ways we can't even imagine.
    Be with the Angels darling Jen. You're always in my dairy prayers!
    Sending love,
    Bete

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  14. I will be thinking of you while you are in hospice and sending thoughts of cheer, relief and love your way.
    I'm so incredibly sorry for the improper care you have received. It's not fair and it's not right. You do what you can to be heard on this issue; it deserves attention. I admire you so!
    Take care and rest. And get well soon wishes for your sweet boy...

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  15. Thinking of you,
    Hope things will be better for you while you are at the hospice.
    love and hugs,
    Tabitha X

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  16. Yes, as a Social Worker I could not agree with you more, so much training and education should go in to avoiding power struggles, trying to be right and attempting to always come from a place of love when working in a giving profession.

    Peace to you.

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  17. One foot in front of the other - that's what we all do.

    Sending love.

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  18. Your ability to want to serve in the midst of your own pain totally amazes and inspires me.

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  19. Hi Jen-
    I'm actually starting my path to nursing very soon (just finishing up prerequisite courses) and I couldn't agree with you more -- those folks who are in the business of giving care should do JUST THAT -- give CARE. If you don't have the heart for it, don't do it! I'm sorry to hear that you are going back to Hospice but I'm glad you'll get the right care you need, there. Hang in there, we are all sending you love.

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  20. Good for you in taking it one step at a time sweet! We're all here and right behind you! Now Jen...I'm fellin a little wee bit fiesty today. The sun is out and beauty is everywhere! BUT, I can come to your neck of the woods with my baseball bat and get those not too bright people that don't know what the heck they are doing taking care of the sick or elderly and teach them the finer points of being human, loving and actually CARING about what they do and who they do it for...Girl, you just say the word;o) Lots of love and hugs sweet.

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  21. Jen -
    Starting tonight I will be doing a special meditation for you and sending you liquid light to wrap you in peace and allow all things to be perfect in God's way.

    You are perhaps the bravest person I know.

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  22. I hope you find the harbor you deserve.

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  23. Hi jenn,
    Just checking in on you. Praying that things are going fine for youin Hospice and that you are getting pain relief and sleep. You are a fighter and I am so happy to hear you are not giving up. Keep fighting!
    Ruthie from California

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  24. Thank you for posting about this.

    Still sending you positive thoughts. :)

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  25. My Soul lifts You, My Dearest Jen, in arms of adoring and cherishing Love, to cradle you in tender protection and safe comfort. This is the prayer of all that I Me ... and hence, is Yours.

    I love you, Precious One!

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  26. You dazzle me with your desire to speak up for others - even as you are dealing with deep pain and difficulty. What a huge heart you have, dear Jen. I hope that the supervisor nurse is able to set some things straight with those who have treated you (and others undoubtedly) so badly. May you sleep well and find new sources of strength and courage when you are in the hospice. Peace to you and your family.

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  27. dearest *beauty, just a little note to say hello & let you know that i am thinking of you & sending love & warm embraces. in light & peace, gem

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  28. Dearest Jen, I am heartened and impressed by your spirit. It is good that you ask for the finest care. May you soon be home again from Hospice. Sending love and a big hug.

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  29. is there anyone else who can post for you and tell us how you are doing. i hope you are doing well and so are your beautiful sons.
    in my prayers.

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  30. Your strength amazes me with every post. I am new to your story but I keep you in my blog roll to make sure I keep you close to mind and heart daily. The neglect of your helthcare providers is horific and angers me to no end. I don't care what their hardships in life might be, this isn't about them! I would be honored and humbled to care for you.
    Jessy

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  31. I'm stunned to think that the district nurses are so terrible! Why do these people take a job like that when they have no empathy?
    Love to you darl, hope you are getting the rest and relief you need at the hospice.
    Hugs
    Wx

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  32. Dear Jenni,
    I know you're in hospice now but I have dedicated something to you in my Portuguese blog: the friendship campain.(24/4/2008).
    Always thinking of you and sending love,
    Bete

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  33. Dear Jenni,
    I know you're in hospice now but I have dedicated something to you in my Portuguese blog: the friendship campain.(24/4/2008).
    Always thinking of you and sending love,
    Bete

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  34. It is inspiring to me that you are still looking for ways to help the less fortunate, instead of wallowing in a "Woe is Me" puddle (that you are more than entitled to wallow in)

    You are an inspiration, Jen.

    I hope you are sleeping well and get to come home from Hospice, soon with a new *improved* pain management plan. I am praying that you are surrounded by people who love and honor you and who are mirrors of the grace you display.

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  35. I just popped over to see how you were. Sendin lots of love and healing to you sweet;o) Be well.

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  36. I work in an organization that considers providers of medical care to be in a Health Ministry, carrying out the healing Mission of God. This is the first time that I've really appreciated the importance of that viewpoint.

    I hope by this point in the week you've found release from the pain and that you get to go back home soon.

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  37. Oh Jen, if i lived closer, I would have taken care of you myself! Not just medically...but I give you a foot massage everyday...i would sit next to you, holding your hand..reading...telling stories....listening....crying...
    laughing...

    thinking of you..sending you...for today....'giggles'! xx

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  38. Jen, you are definitely doing good by sharing your story and making us aware so we can fight for people in situations like yours. every patient needs an advocate, even in the best situations. how can you make decisions when you are so ill? i followed ali edwards' link to your blog and feel blessed to have found you. i wish you the best. keely

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