Friday, 14 March 2008

Thank You So Very Much...


Dear friends, I feel so much love and gratitude in my heart lately because of each and every one of you, your comments are so very wise and heartfelt and beautiful. The kindness and strength of the amazing response to my cry for the answer to "What Would You Do..." honored me and respected me. Not only did you willingly share your answers with me but you put great thought into them, took my question so seriously because you knew it really was so serious for me, you thought about it and you gave me hope whilst you examined your lives and what those lives meant, what was really important, how you would do things differently, many of you wouldn't change much at all. You took a very painful journey for me and I felt heard, you honored me by the truthfulness and thought that went into those answers, you then proceeded to show such empathy towards me and my boys that my heart bubbled over. When I asked that question, originally to my dear friend Meg, whose opinion I so needed to hear, for I knew she would answer it with all the beauty and honesty that lie within that woman's heart. I knew she would really try to put herself there and feel what it would be like, I trusted her to give me her very best answer and thoughts. A part of me felt uneasy asking her to consider such a horrendous thing happening and I did say to her, if this is too difficult then please don't do it. She explained to me that yes it was difficult but that she would do it and then this amazing woman told me later on that she was so very glad she had done it. Now although I wanted Megs opinion and I trusted her to handle that question with care, I wasn't sure what would happen when I put it out there in a post on my blog. I did it because I was interested, I was desperate, I wanted answers, I wanted people to feel, and have to stop their busy lives and have to think like I had to, selfish I guess but that is the way of it. However, I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams the response that I got to that question. I have already said that the content of those answers were so truthful and thoughtful, the answers moved me deeply, the fact that you answered moved me so deeply. Still, not only did you answer me with so much feeling and depth and love but you continued to keep coming back and take care of me, check on me, say prayers for me and wanting me to know, wanting me to feel loved - and I did, I couldn't believe it at first, I just thought this just doesn't happen, people are mostly selfish and busy and too strung out with their own stuff to care about mine. Boy was I wrong, the women (and the one or two men) that have become what I think of as my 'carers' would not budge, they/you were there for me night and day, no matter what country, no matter what religion, you prayed for me, hoped for me, cried for me, reached out to me and still do, I am embraced and enfolded in your love and I feel calm, quiet and as if I am exactly where I am meant to be. As if this is unfolding in the exact way it should. I will still have my days of total fear and horror but I go back to my roots, back to the things that bring me comfort and are important to me and the comments and emails on my computer from you, are one of the first places I come too. It helps, it truly does. Thank you doesn't cut it, I am not writer enough to write how I feel in beautiful prose, I will just have to settle for speaking from my heart and hoping like hell it sounds how it did in my heart and head. I just want you to know that your prayers, your kindness and caring, your thoughtfulness and love have gone a long, long way to helping me to cope as well as I can with this very frightening journey I have looming up in front of me. Much love back to you all and for all your prayers, I pray with gratitude for all of you every night and several times throughout my days. Thank you for taking me and my boys into your hearts.

16 comments:

  1. No, thank you. You helped me to remember what's important.

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  2. what a beautiful post of hope, restoration and gratitude :) you are so very very very loved jen. i continue to keep you close to my heart, deep in my thoughts and always in my prayers.

    i love visiting your blog. you inspire me so much. to think that you are going through such a tough season and yet, you do not withdraw in fear or isolation, you keep reaching out. this is a quality i desire deeply to have in myself.

    you are so lovely. you are so loved.

    God bless you today my sweet and beautiful jen :)

    xoxo
    shelbi

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  3. Jen you must be the most humble and sweet woman God ever created. I watched the Randy Pausch video tonight and I was so touched. In fact those words do not describe. Thank you for putting it there. I love knowing that you are so keenly aware of the love and prayers being sent to you.I seem to be thinking of you all through my day. I think we all are. I know it is not luck but God who is working in your life. What other force could draw so many hearts and prayers to one sweet mommy?

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  4. I think everyone who reads your blog will agree with me when I say it is us who should thank YOU for being so honest and humble and courageous for sharing this journey with us. You writing is amazing, don't you know that? You are such an amazing writer - your words bring the very essence of *you* through to us, and it's with that that we have connected. I pray for you to have better health and many more wonderful days and months and years with your beautiful boys!!!

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  5. Deb, it's just that we're all helping and supporting each other that is what is so wonderful about this. xx

    Shelbi, you touch my heart so deeply, you must be one of the kindest women that ever lived. Thank you so very much for keeping me in your prayers, perhaps it is all the prayers and love that keep me reaching out instead of withdrawing in fear, I do believe that there is something amazing going on here. xx

    I totally agree debi, there is something else at work here and it is awesome to watch it unfold, this bond of sisterhood and showing the best qualities we women have, reaching out to each other in the pain of some knowing, some wanting to soften this for me. Whilst it is so very hard to confront, it is made much easier by the love and understanding I receive on this blog. Love to you my dear friends xxx

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  6. Hi Jen,
    I still owe you my list - although at the top would be to live in the moment and enjoy every day to it's fullest... even the cruddy ones by having some chocolate and a good cry. I'm a little daunted by the task but I think about it daily and will complete it soon. I promise. I'm so glad that all the love and blessings that we all send out to you are received and welcomed and helping, too. That is magnificent!
    I came across this blog tonight and she's a friend of a friend of JenLemen and Choonkooloonks - author and scrapbooker so I thought of you and that you might enjoy the site. http://www.aliedwards.typepad.com/

    Thanks for the Randy video... I'd seen it on Oprah and it does a body/soul good to see it again. Fwiw, he's doing really well on Avastin - I hope you can try some soon!

    As always, sending you sunny and healing thoughts from California!
    xo, Cate

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  7. One more voice here hoping to give you a moment of comfort, a sliver of sweetness to raise you up when you are down.

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  8. Dearest Jen,
    Hello dear, hope you are feeling as well as you can. Hope your are also enjoying your family. I want to so much hug you and tell you thank you...you are very special and you deserve everyone praying for your and caring. Keep strong and always, always fight. I truly believe in miracles. As one of the others said, you are loved and truly have such wonderful qualities. I too, wish I were more like you. Hugs and more hugs, Rosemary~

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  9. Jen
    You are sooooo loved...and rightly so too! You have opened your soul to us and in return we reply with the love and support you so humbly and graciously accept. Being ill brings with it many other effects that not alot of people realize. Even the day to day things are hard. I am sure all the women here would jump at the opportunity to be with you, help you, guide you and hell just hug you and make you a coffee at any given moment if we could. I know I would. We can't be there in kind but we are all there in spirit as you well know. As for the question..... I am not avoiding answering I am deeply deliberating it.
    I too love to come to your blog, I have to check in regularly just to see that your ok.

    Be well, be happy and be loved my friend

    Carmel

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  10. no need to send thanks my way....

    you have taught me so much about life in such a short amount of time of knowing you and also to love every minute of every day.....so I send my thanks to you !!!

    and always...my many many prayers !!

    xoxo beth

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  11. Thank you for letting me be there during your journey - and for reaching out when you need help. It is not an easy thing to do - it is so easy to become isolated. It is amazing to watch the love, hope and prayers being sent your way - you deserve all of them - by the bucketful. Very powerful.
    I had already seen the Randy Pausch video - I have a friend who is going through the same thing and the prognosis is very poor - it just makes you re-evaulate priorities.
    Take care my friend
    Karen xx

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  12. You're an amazing woman but you're probably tired of hearing that and would like to have an unamazing day now and then, right?

    Randy Pausch is inspiring. I think of him and you when I hear people say, "I wish spring would get here" or "Is it Friday YET?" because they're just wishing their lives away instead of focusing on the day that they have, as you are doing.

    I found you through Bella and mostly lurk to see how you're doing, but just wanted to say that you're amazing. Sending a prayer for you.

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  13. I am a Muslim woman in the US, living with my own challenges but not like what you face. I also have two young children, ages 4 and 6.
    I want you to know that I appreciate your bravery (moms can appear so brave, right?) but that I just sat here and said a prayer for you and your family.
    I am one of those people who does stop and put myself in other people's shoes all the time. God created me a v. sensitive soul and sometimes i'm not happy about it bc i often spend a lot of in tears.
    But I wouldn't want it any other way.
    whatever happens, whatever pain,I have said a prayer for you, your sons, your family and loved ones. And I hope your miracle comes.
    You are a good mum. Being a mum is a top notch position. Don't care about other moms who look like they are doing it all.
    I am sure your kids will say you are just super! And theirs is the only opinion that matters.
    with love, a well wisher.

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