Saturday, 8 March 2008

I Am So Very Lucky...

I know that probably sounds odd to you when you all know I have cancer, I am very ill and not expected to see past the age of 42 at most, however, I am lucky for having the best sons it is possible to have. I don't often write about my older son Jamie. He usually does his own thing, he mostly lives at his Dad's place these days as there are others his own age there and they live on a lovely big property with deer and horses, Jamie has a beautiful big room with everything that opens and shuts, he gets so very well looked after there as his Dad's partner ( they've been together for many years but have never married) looks after the lot of them, there is Jamie the youngest at 20, then her two daughters at 23 and 24 and their boyfriends and they all live together on this huge property. Lisa (the partner) makes dinner for all of them every night and big breakfasts and even makes their lunches each day! She likes to do it apparently!!! So he is very well looked after. His Dad has hotrods which are his 'babies', he lovingly built them up from scratch and now they are worth a fortune and over the years he and Jamie have taken care of them and worked on them together, etc. Anyway, just wanting to set the scene so it will make more sense when I tell you that Jamie has given all that up to come home and be with me 24/7. Yes he has. He phoned me the other night (after I had been in hospice) and said he had something he wanted to tell me and that he would be home the next night. So he got here late afternoon and proceeded to tell me that he has been doing a lot of thinking lately, for a few weeks and he has decided that he wants to be here for me. He said to me "Mum, give me a month and a half and I will have learned to run the house the way you do", bless his heart. He said, "It's time I grew up, I am going to take good care of Jack, take him to the park and out for walks, etc, help him with his reader and homework, his bath, everything. I want it so you don't have to do anything when you are too sick." Well of course I cried, just a little mind, I didn't want to frighten him off but I was so touched. Of course I did the usual mother things that went something like this "oh Jamie, I so appreciate you wanting to do this for me I really do but you need your own life, I can only be happy if you are happy, that is all every mother wants for her sons is for them to be happy, I would honestly rather you be up there at your Father's home, popping in here every few days as you usually do because you are happy there and then I am happy because you are!" I was met with complete resistance as he has obviously really thought this through and made up his mind. I must admit I am impressed with his maturity in this, in understanding that it's something he needs to do, that I am not going to get better in a hurry, if at all and he recognizes that if he doesn't do this he may well regret it for the rest of his life. We had a very open (and emotional I might add) talk and he told me how he felt for me. He said to me "I love you Mum, I love you more than anyone, I love your more than Dad, I just do. I have been worrying about you for weeks, having trouble sleeping and just knowing I need to be there with you, helping you in every way I possibly can. I get down on my hands and knees every night and pray to God to let you be okay. I think about you almost every minute of the day lately and I just need to do this for you and for me." Well, talk about how to make a mum cry and feel ridiculously proud, blessed, sad, happy, adored, concerned, oh a million different emotions all at once. Gosh he has grown up I thought to myself and he has turned into a young man of heart and soul and compassion, I couldn't have wished for more when I held him in my arms 20 years ago and wished ahead to the type of man he would one day become. See, I truly am so lucky, it is the ultimate gift to have your child grow into an adult to be proud of.

Still, having said that, I am terribly concerned about his well being. I do not want him worrying about me incessantly. I told him that there are counselors and support groups available to him to help him go through this as it affects him just as much as it affects me, perhaps even more so as he has to be left here with the pain when I am gone (which I hate more than anything in this whole business for both my boys). So he thought that might be worth looking into, which was a healthy reaction I thought. I will contact Hospice and ask them to organize a counselor to work with Jamie and help him to deal with this as much as is possible.

Anyway, it has been a very emotional few days, in short I am exhausted but, having said that, I am so very glad we went through this as it has also been such a loving and sharing time. We had lots of long talks and it was something we both needed at this point in time I believe. I am glad he was so very honest with me too as I need to know where he is at so I can deal with any problems he has handling all of this. So that's all for now, take care and more soon.

Edited to add: Next post will be symptoms of early bowel cancer as I was asked to write about this quite sometime ago now.

40 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for this post Jen. Aren't sons the best? Jamie sounds like such a great kid and I'm glad that he's open to talking to a counseler. Boys love their mamas so much (I have 3 of my own!) As always - you're in my thoughts and prayers.

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  2. This is awesome news. For him, for you, for his brother, in short -- for everyone (me, too;-) Volunteering to be a responsible human being is a major way/state of mind/orientation/step to addressing the rest of life. Without personal responsibility, we stumble as infantile creatures, incapable of doing much that matters. And remain blaming, passive, angry, helpless, stunted souls. Not your guy. Thanks for sharing this piece of heavenly news.

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  3. Great news Jen-just another proof of what a great mother you are. You have raised sons that make this world a better place to live in. Jamie's actions are admirable. Take care and enjoy having your two sons with you!

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  4. I read lots, don't comment often. Today I had too.

    Your Jamie sounds like and incredible young man. I had tears reading this post. You have obviously done a good job by him.

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  5. OH BOY!!!!! sitting here with tears streaming down my face.what an incredible young man you have raised.

    Love

    Leeanne x

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  6. this is an amazing thing to hear. i'm so happy for you jen that you have this kind of support and so much love surrounding you, lifting you. and your responses to this were so wise. i have two boys as well, and as you were describing this, i imagined how i would feel and i was so humbled. i loved having boys...they've been such gifts to me. anyway, please do take care. we're all thinking of you and loving you.

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  7. What a tremendous, kind and sensitive man you have raised. You should both be very proud of yourselves. I am so happy he is going to be here for you. You deserve nothing less than the relax in the love of your child.

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  8. This post made me cry. You are blessed. What a kind thing for your son to do, to take care of you and his brother, to spend the time you have left with you, he's given both of you a wonderful gift. And I'm still crying.

    Take care sweetie.

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  9. He is like that because of you. Your love for them is being returned because you have been a wonderful mother. All credit to them, but all credit to you as well.

    Your sons are good young men.

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  10. Wow - what a beautiful heart for a young man. Between you and his dad (and step mum) you have made him what he is - and should be immensely proud of him. Your boys are very lucky to have each other.
    Hugs and prayers
    K xx

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  11. WOW - reading this the goosebumps started and as I read on the tears were flowing. Jen you should be so proud. It sounds as though you have raised and nutured amazing children. I have a son as well and can only pray her turns out like Jamie. How very brave and courageous of him to want to come and care for you. And how wonderful for him and Jack to bond. You're blessed....

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  12. Oh Jen. You are a selfless, joy seeing, joy spreading, realistic, honest, mature, articulate, thoughtful, empathetic person. And you have raised one son to be the just the same and a second one on his way. You are also giving Jamie a very helpful, painful gift in allowing him to work his way through grief WITH you. A lot of parents wouldn't do that due to the pain, but you will both always be stronger, wiser people for it. And people who talk honestly about the situation and how they feel for each other are farther along in grief work than many of the others who aren't around you a lot and have that opportunity. Yes, you are blessed. Jamie is blessed. Jack is blessed. and ... I am blessed to read your posts. Thank you for the work that you do getting these down. I'm still praying for you every night.

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  13. As a male I know that we learn how to truly love from our mothers. You obviously left that impression on Jamie. What a wonderful post and I will pray for all of you.

    Michael

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  14. I agree with the previous comment about him being like that because of you. What a wonderful mother you are!!! You have every right to be proud and delighted in your son, and what great news this is, and so inspiring to read of you both doing whatever you can to help each other through this. Thanks for sharing this with us!

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  15. Wow, Jen, thanks for posting about your lovely and surprising day and about your amazing sons - this time it's Jamie that gets the well-deserved adulation and kudos, no small feat for a man of 20 to be so grounded and loving. You have done an amazing job raising your sons and while I know a mother's job is never truly done, I hope you feel a sense of accomplishment in that you've put two amazing human beings into this world that already bring others so much joy! (Your family, friends, us bloggerbuds,...) Good job you!!

    You are so very lucky and blessed and I hope that even more luck and blessings continue to come your way in abundance :-)
    xo,
    Cate

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  16. Jen my luvly
    Well this is brilliant news.. although for me not entirely unexpected... I have sat and observed a little of the recent while and I see a beautiful strong and compassionate woman who is at odds with the way that her world is turning right now... I am not surprised you son has done this for you, I guess it was kinda an expected response to occur at some point or another it would be the time for him to step up and step in to help you (his precious mumma) and his little brother in the journey. You have raised wonderful children Jen I don't doubt for a minute that they would show if and when the requirement occured. You give magic into whom-ever's life you touch (you certainly have in mine, in more ways than I can put into words right now) Please be well and let your gorgeous well matured well raised son take over the practicle side of life for a bit... He needs it and you need him. I need to go make a cuppa tea to see if I can stifle some of my sniffles... for your son, if he reads this..THANKYOU!!! we her sisterhood really thankyou with all our hearts for doing what needs to be done and being where you are needed to be. Where we most of us want to be right now.

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  17. What a thoughtful and loving son you have! Please tell him that reading your post made my heart filled with joy for all of you and that his decision is so admired. I felt so proud of him for you!
    I have a son who is much the same so understandng your reaction is easy. This will be a very precious time for all of you.
    Praying for your family,
    julia

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  18. Words elude me, but the heart overflows.

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  19. You are a great Mom.
    Some of the love poured out is coming back to you :)

    Let him help. As much as he wants. For those of us who need to "do", it will ease his mind, despite how difficult it may become for you.

    Congratulations on raising such great boys...

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  20. What a wonderful guy! I'm so glad for all of you.

    BIG HUG!
    j

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  21. That is wonderful, I am so happy for you that you have such a wonderful support system.

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  22. This moved me in a very special way - probably because I have a 21-year-old son, and I know how torn you feel over this. But it is so wonderful that he is ready to make this decision, and that is surely testament to the love you have given him throughout his life. Your open and honest way of interacting with him is probably going to be the best help for him in going through this difficult time, and knowing that he is able to do something that is of practical help. Also, having this time now to spend with his little brother is special and important for them both. I am still in awe at your way of approaching this whole situation.

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  23. Thanks Meredith, son's are indeed 'the best' you will get no argument here! I to am glad he will speak with a counselor I think it will help him to open up to someone other than me. Take care and thanks for your prayers, Jen xxx.

    Isn't it great tamar, I am so glad for him really as you say otherwise we can remain stunted souls. Take Care Jen B xxx

    Jacquie, thanks so much for stopping by, I appreciate it so much. Yes, Jamie is an incredible young man but the credit is entirely his. Thank you for 'coming out' I hope you do again! xxx

    Thanks Leeanne, he's a gem huh? xx

    Dear Terri, thank you, such sweet comments you leave, I have to say boys are a gift aren't they, something so special about them and I was humbled when I was hearing my son say these things to me that's for sure. Take care my friend xxx

    My darling soul sister, thank you, I will email you soon I feel as though it has been months since we've spoken. Hugs to you xxx

    Dear Deb, it is a wonderful gift isn't it, I must admit I had trouble controlling the tears myself. Hugs xxx

    Thank you e:), the love is being returned I guess, you never kind of think about it that way when you are the mum but I guess I loved him so very much that perhaps it does enable him to love very strongly and selflessly. Take care xxx

    Dear Karen, my boys are lucky to have each other, it is such an age gap that I'm not sure they realize it right now but one day they will xxx

    Dear Laura, it is brave and courageous of him to want to come and do this for me isn't it, he is giving up a lot but hopefully it will give him peace of mind later on. xxx

    My dear Nancy, you always touch me with your comments, thank you so much for your kind words. I do agree with you that going through something like this together and being honest about our feelings does make it easier to grieve later on as there aren't regrets about things not said or done, so for his sake this is a wonderful thing and for me too as I can guide him a little through it I hope. Take care dear friend xxx

    Dear Michael, thank you for your continuing support, it is so nice to here a males perspective. What a beautiful thing to say, your mother would be touched to hear that I am sure. Take care my friend xxx.

    Thank you girlabouttown, it is lovely to be supported by my son this way, I am so touched I can't tell you, he truly is a wonderful human being and I am so in awe of him. xxx.

    Thank you Cate for your kind words regarding Jamie, I agree totally. Take care xxx

    Dear Carmel, just such a beautiful comment, thank you so very much. I appreciate your friendship and am very glad to have 'met' you, another Aussie, take care my dear and I will write you soon. xxx

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  24. Oh Jen. I am so happy your son is going to do this for you and for himself. He's got a lot ahead of him and he is a beautiful person for it and it is important for him to be able to step in and carry the household when you can't. I'm sure it will be an important and absolutely crucial bonding time for Jamie and Jack.

    Such wonderful news.

    Warm thoughts and prayers to you.

    Danielle

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  25. Trust him, trust him, my dear. Your faith and trust is what has floated him aloft this far. He will not fail, and yours is only to receive and trust in kind that this acceptance of him and his way is the best gift you can give.

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  26. You always make me cry. Sorry, that is, I mean that in the nicest possible way.
    Your son is an incredibly compassionate young man.

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  27. Jen;

    Like everyone else, this post brought me to tears. I'm so happy for you and for your sons. Your son Jamie has become a good, caring man and Jack has a wonderful role model to emulate.

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  28. There is something about the bond between a boy and his mother.

    You're very fortunate, and he's quite a man. The world should thank you for raising him, he's obviously going to do us all proud.

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  29. Oh Jeni, this brings my heart such gladness. For you, for him.
    It sounds as if he has found his own direction and for now, this is to be with you and care for you.
    Though I hear the ways this is hard for you, I am happy to hear you have said yes, opened to receiving the care and love from him.
    This time together is precious. You have loved him well and now it comes full circle.
    I love you.

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  30. speaking as a mama of 2 boys...this post made me weep. your jamie is a wonderful boy with a true heart. and he is that way because he has a mother who loves him unconditionally. you have done such such a wonderful job with your children. be proud of yourself. when a son can come to grips with life at such a tender age...and rise up as jamie is doing, it is a true blessing and testiment to the love and nurturing he got from his 'mama'.

    God bless you my sweet friend..
    hugs
    shelbi

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  31. Our children are the most precious gift we could ever receive....and your story proves it !!

    So with tears in my eyes...and down my cheeks....God bless all of you !!!

    Thanks Jen for sharing your "talk" with all of us !!!

    xoxo beth

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  32. Hi Sweet Jen,
    Your Jamie sounds darling, just like his momma. Apples don't fail too far from the tree. I hope you are feeling well and I would believe that by having both sons with you can be stronger than any medicine. I prayed for you today in church and will continue to do so dear. Hugs and more hugs~Rosemary

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  33. Oh Jen! This post gave me sweet chills! What an amazing young man your son has become. What a blessing he will be to you and Jack. Obviously, you have done a wonderful job in mothering him and what an example he will be for Jack. I'm thrilled for you. I'm ready to do the "happy dance" after reading this wonderful news!

    We're on vacation for 2 weeks, but I'll check in on you often.

    Hugs sweet friend!
    Kat

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  34. How gorgeous! What a wonderful boy. I'm so happy to think of Jamie there looking out for you and Jack. Both your sons are so lovely Jen. Don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back as I'm sure it's no accident that they are both so loving and sensitive.
    See you soon
    Wxxx

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  35. What a testament to the love that you have poured into this young man! What a wonderful heritage and legacy you will leave on this earth when you go (and I am prayin ghtat you stay a long, long time!), making it better for everyone because you made 2 boys know that they were deeply loved and that they mattered and were somebody!

    Ruthie

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  36. What a testament to the love that you have poured into this young man! What a wonderful heritage and legacy you will leave on this earth when you go (and I am praying that you stay a long, long time!), making it better for everyone because you made 2 boys know that they were deeply loved and that they mattered and were somebody!

    Ruthie

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  37. Beautiful son! God blesses you all.
    Sending love
    Bete

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  38. oh, crying again reading this. what a wonderful son, and mother, for this to occur. feel proud, for both of you.

    i know what he means about needing to do it for you and for him. when my father had open-heart surgery i needed to be there. it would have been worse for me forever if i wasn't. i'm so glad i was.

    it's a gift to you both, and he will always be glad he was there for you. and i hope his presence helps; i know it will.

    still praying for you.

    hugs from california, megan

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