I want to thank those that chose such inspirational songs for me, I received the CD yesterday that Meg so lovingly put together for me, with all of your songs on it. I LOVE it and have listened to it over and over again, I am listening to it now as I type this to you wonderful guys. I also want to thank the beautiful Jen Lemen for organizing an email address for people to go too and put down a song for me, thanks Jen, it's a beautiful gesture and means so very much to me. I read this, this morning which summed up how I feel:
So very true and I certainly feel as though I am in the midst of a gorgeous garden and you all are the flowers! I know, allow me to be a bit mushy okay, I think having cancer gives me license to be mushy if I want to, there have to be some silver linings huh.
Oh by the way I was watching some taped episodes of Desperate Housewives the other night, you guys in the States have probably seen the ones I am about to talk about years ago, we are a bit behind with our TV shows here in Oz. Anyway the ones I watched were the ones where Felicity Huffman has cancer and loses her hair. I loved watching these episodes as it showed me how nice a great wig could look (which I will be buying just for special times when I want to look normal) and it also showed me how pretty a lovely scarf could look and I saw that she wore a lot of eye make up, so all in all it gave me some tips for when I lose my hair. I also loved and laughed when she was listing off things that pissed her off and one of them was this 'I hate it when my friends tell me my hair has never looked better' oh she has such a dry wit in that show, I realize they are not her lines but honestly whoever writes her lines has a great sense of humor. I can really relate to her, even in the chemo room where she sends her husband home because he is being overly solicitous, oh so good for the soul all that laughing. Even as he's leaving he's hilarious still doing what she hates he says 'see that's what I so admire about you' or something similar, meaning the strength with which she kicked him out of the chemo room and tells him to go home and that she''' grab a cab to get home, it certainly lifted me up and gave me a laugh. So that show is going to be high on my list for a good laugh and laughing is so very healing.
Anyway an update, I went to the pain specialist again last night and he has started me on a new medication, hopefully this one will work! The last one worked for about 5 hours and then not anymore. He said that gave him some important information though for helping him to know what kind of drug I do need so he prescribed that one last night and so far I have taken two tablets and I must admit I woke this morning feeling a little better and right now I feel actually, dare I say, good! Anyway I won't get to carried away as the last tablet did this too for a very short time. He explained to Mum too that the chemicals of the chemo may not work second time around as they just don't work as well. She wasn't happy and phoned me this morning and we chatted and then she said that she thought he was being very negative and she was choosing not to believe it, which as I said is why he told her in the first place. I think he is worried about her not accepting that I may not be here much longer. In a way though, I am glad she is not accepting the negative side of this because there is still a chance my body will take to it as this time they a mixing a bit of a cocktail which that interaction may just work and her being so positive is helpful at the moment. There have been times when I have been frustrated with her for not accepting, because I felt alone with my fear and needed someone close to me to feel it with me but that is purely selfish and if she can get away without worrying too much then I am glad for her as well.
Anyway folks, I feel as though I have heaps more to say but Jack needs me at the moment I will be back very soon as I feel like talking today. Thanks again for all your support, you know how much it means to me and if you don't go back a few posts and read what Lee wrote! Take good care and hold your loved ones close today, tell them how much you love them, do it for me.