Tuesday, 11 September 2007

So Wanting to Hide...

Goodmorning, dear friends, this morning I am miserable. Today I have a PET scan and a CT Scan booked in about 1 hour away. I'm up early and reasonably organised but I don't want to go one little bit. This happens to me nearly every time I have one of these booked in, something always comes up or stops me going, whether it be Jack getting sick, or me sick or just something. Jack has recently had 2 weeks off school (again) with flu and today is his first day back, but while he was off we got so out of routine so last night he didn't get to sleep till about 10.30pm which is too late for him. So I really need to pick him up at lunch time but I won't be back all day until about 5pm tonight. He will be just too tired and I can't do it to him, I need to be here and pick him up at lunch time and bring him home for a rest. I don't know anyone who can pick him up for me today at lunch time, unless his Nana can at the last minute, just waiting on a phone call from my sister to let me know. But then I started thinking, ok what if she can pick him up, well that's great, but I almost don't want her to be able to 'cause I don't want to go, and yet I know if I don't they may not book me in again because you have to give them more notice than that as they have to order stuff and it costs money! Why am I like this? I just feel as though I can't take anymore medical stuff and yet I haven't had any for a while, well since major surgery 7 weeks ago lol! I forgot about that one. Also I just have so much on my mind at the moment in trying to save my life (will tell you about that some other 60 seconds), that this feels like a major intrusion. Honestly sometimes I think I must have a mental block with these scans. You do have to have a drip put in and you have to fast and the actual scan takes 30 minutes of lying still not moving so it isn't pleasant plus you are there for more than 6 hours, which is just horrid, especially when I had about 3 hours sleep due to worrying about Jack. Anyway I don't really expect anyone to have an answer but just needed to get it out and where better than my blog? That is what it's for after all, to journal in. I guess if my Nana can pick Jack up early then I will go but honestly it's gonna take every bit of will power I've got to make myself do it. Maybe too, I don't want to know, and also all these scans are not good for me either, but I suppose not knowing what's going on in my body isn't good for me, I just feel like I can't win at the moment.

I have also found out about some really fantastic vitamins and nutrients that have helped many people so I really feel I need these but they are going to cost me about $300 per month. Not so great, but what do you do when your life is on the line?

Anyway guys, thanks for reading my whining post today, I'll try to snap out of it and come up with something positive for the next post. PS: I've heard back from my sister and she's organised Jack's Nana to pick him up at lunch time and bring him home, so no reason for me not to go now, so I will, even though I really, really don't want too. Take care of yourselves and each other.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jen,
    Sorry to hear about you being so stressed this morning. IO hope that you scans go well. I wish that I was at home so that I could help you. If it ever happens again and you are stuck email me it may be a day off and I could help.
    Talk soon
    Deb Ross xxxx

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