Today it is your birthday. You are six years old. I have trouble believing it, it only seems like yesterday that I was so excited/nervous bringing you home in your baby car seat, terrified of driving such a precious bundle. You have been through a lot in your six years, including and especially having your Mum with a terminal illness, you have been with me to chemo many times and looking at your beautiful face and having you there holding me saying "it's okay Mummy I'm here with you" made me so brave. People used to ask me how I handled it so well, well my darling, it was because of you, I would look at you and not want you to be afraid for me, so I would find such bravery I never knew existed and it was for you and because of you.
You won the hearts of the nurses, they loved seeing you and would have little gifts for you when you came in, some of the times when I didn't bring you, which wasn't very often, they would be so disappointed.
I have had the precious gift of seeing you turn 6, and please God, let me have more years to watch you grow and develop.
You have had to be without me through 2 massive surgeries, several hospice stays and it's not fair, I know how much you missed me and it broke my heart and made me get well as fast as I could to get home to you. I never took even one day more than I absolutely had to, sometimes I really should have stayed longer, but how could I when I knew you were there waiting for me. You are so kind, you are emotionally wise beyond your years, you are so brilliantly intelligent, so funny, so dear in every way, I thank God for you every single day. If I manage to stay alive my darling it is because of you and for you, you are my inspiration, you are my dear one, your are my everything. Happy Birthday dear Jack, I want everything good for you and mostly I want to be able to be here for you. Bless your beautiful heart Mummyxxxx